The Broken Ones

CHAPTER 1

GWEN

I feel queasy the moment I wake up in the morning. I have to run to the bathroom so I can vomit into the toilet bowl. I have been feeling a cold, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach for the past few days, but I have ignored it.

"Can I do anything?" Noah says from outside the bathroom as I retch.

I rest my forehead against the cold tiled wall and call out, "It must have been something I ate last night. I'm sure I'll be fine in a moment."

Noah doesn't come in. I hear him unzipping the luggage bag, then the drawers and the wardrobe, whistling through his teeth. The nausea rises again, my eyes water, my forehead turns clammy, and I retch once more.

After a while, I flush the toilet bowl, and he comes to crouch beside me where I sit on the floor. "Do you think," he says carefully, a tentative smile spreading across his face, "is there a chance that you might be --- pregnant?"

I stare up at him tiredly. Nod reluctantly.

"I'll go to the pharmacy right now," he stands up, supressed excitement in his voice. "Get a pregnancy test kit. Then we'll know for sure."

An hour and two pregnancy tests later, I'm prone on the bed.

"I'm sorry," I say listlessly. "I've ruined our holiday."

Noah lies beside me, his head propped up on an arm, and strokes my hair.

"Poor Gwen. There's nothing to be sorry about. We're going to have a baby."

I am pleased for him. And guilty that I don't feel the same.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone yet," I say.

"I promise." He kisses my forehead. "But you'll have to tell your mum eventually."

"I know. Of course I know that." I try to summon a smile. "There's no point in both of us staying. Emma's with my mum. We've already paid for everything, and it's too late to cancel. You go. I'l be fine. You'll be back the day after tomorrow anyway."

Noah has the decency to be silent for a moment or two.

"Go," I repeat.

"What about Emma?"

"She'll stay with my mum. This was my mum's idea, anyway." A month ago, my mum, with her shrewd eyes, looking at me, into me, had taken Noah aside after a dinner, and said firmly, Noah, Gwen and you need to spend more time together as a couple. I'll take care of Emma. Go and holiday somewhere nice. Both of you have been working so hard. You need a break.

"If you're sure?" says Noah.

"I'm sure. Go to that beach chalet. You've been looking forward to it for so long." I sit up against the pillows, draw in my legs, and wrap my arms around my calves.

"Can I get you anything?" Noah asks before he gets into his car. I shake my head, No. He gives me a sweet, lingering kiss on my mouth. "I love you so much, Gwen," he says quietly, and looks, really looks into my eyes. "You know that, don't you?" He waves me goodbye as he reverses the car out of the drive.

I rest for the next two hours, and when I get up in the late afternoon, my sickness has passed. I feel full of energy and not at all tired.

I wash my face, brush my teeth, choose a dress, and take a bus to the beach chalet. It is under an hour's ride --- we had chosen it specifically because of its proximity to home.

I didn't call Noah. My turning up at the beach chalet would be a nice surprise for him. Even though I know Noah isn't really one for surprises. But perhaps that's what's been missing from our lives lately. Spontaneity. I called my mum instead. Emma had been tearful on the phone. Mummy, she had said, her voice wobbly, When are you coming to bwing me home, Mummy? I want to go home. Nowwww. Londoon is too noisyyy, Mummy. My ears hurt. I want to go home, Mummy. Pleaseeee, she had whined, then paused to say crossly, What is it, Gwanma? I'm talking to my mummy. I could hear my mum saying something in the background. In two seconds, Emma's voice came back on. Mummy, Gwanma just bot me a wabbit! It's so pwetty! Bye, Mummy! There was a loud clatter and the phone went dead.