nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

An online conversation - ORIGINAL PROSE

It was a dark and stormy night, during no particular evening, as two young girls, both still finding who they were as they grew older as young teenagers, sat before their computer screens, in their small home towns, each sharing a bond over things others among them would never understand, which they themselves were only just starting to figure out, as they became aware of their differences from others around them. One, a girl who was the height of popularity among her peers, felt more isolated than she dared admit, for she felt as though she had not a true friend to speak of; she had friends who clung to her for popularity's sake, who wished to be like her, boys who loved her in the superficial way all teenagers loved, for they had yet to experience the true hardships which unite others, bring them closer, solidify love in its purest form, but she had yet to find someone who loved her simply for who she was, who understood her as she wished to be understood, who wanted nothing but her company in return. Her name was Amelia, but many, except for her family who still insisted on calling her as such, often referred to her as Amy. She didnt mind it, but had decided that, when she was older, she'd like to be referred to as Amelia, for, at the time, she wanted to be taken seriously, to be perceived as mature, capable, dependable which, she found, was a difficult feat in the here and now. She hoped that things would change and had decided to take such matters into a place where she could (maybe) find others who felt as she did. That was when she met another, had formed a bond through shared interests, and had become close to her, though she had never met this other girl face to face; Eleanor, known only as Nell or Nellie, was the same age as Amelia and had grown up in almost the complete opposite manner her long-distant friend had: where Amelia had friends, as superficial as they were, Nell had little to no interactions with her peers, and had missed out on so much life had to offer; where Amelia had a strong connection to her family, Nell hated her family and couldnt wait to be away from them, to rid herself of their toxicity, though, as young as she was, she had only considered the positive consequences of doing so, not the feeling of resentment, anger, frustration and disappointment when she would find that she was on her own, with no family to lean on in times of hardship, though, in truth, Nell had found that they were not people to trust with her heart, for they would break it into smaller pieces time and time again, when she had mended her spirit, pieced it back together again, and forgot how much the shards of glass dug into her skin each time; where Amelia excelled in school, Nell tried as hard as she might, but she never seemed to be able to hit the targets she needed in order to be among the top few who stood out among her peers. One thing which united the pair above all else, one thing which forged their bond and ensured that they would become the very best of friends was their love of writing, for they loved to create, be it revisions and dedications based on their favourite series or their own original work, both found companionship and a shared love of the art, as literature helped them escape into worlds entirely their own, as they became strong-willed, brave and bold, as their hearts burn brighter than any sun, as their minds raced at lightning fast speeds, determining what the next project would be that they would work on, or what would be the next plot point in their current, ongoing narratives. It was as pure a friendship as any could be, but they had also found that, as much as they had sworn they'd be friends until the end, life as they knew it always got in their way, always posed a threat to the balance they had struck, had always threatened to pull them apart as they found that, when push came to shove, there was little they could do to help each other. They were too young, with little power to push for change, and as Amelia sat before her computer screen, as it dimly lit up her dark room, with shelves filled with books and fairy lights, a faded colour of pink, highlighted the cracked paint across her bedroom walls, read over her last few messages to her friend, as she heard the muffled voices of her parents as they spoke, laughed and cried watching an old movie they had once loved in their youth. 'I know its not ideal, but at least you have me,' one message read, followed shortly by another, with an emoji of a red heart to signify her love and care for the girl on the other side of the screen, which said 'There's so much more to life than all you're going through right now, I got you.' But did she though? How could she? They were both so young, with little idea how to help each other, only to offer support, as it never dawned on them to ask for help from others, to reach out to adults they trusted, why would a teenager do that? It was a sad contradiction, a paradox which existed in the minds of all young people, which they only realised how fruitless it was when they were adults themselves, to not think to ask for a hand, or dismiss practical support altogether. And so, Amelia waited, as her friend sat by her own computer, much older, slower than her friend's, though both still felt as though this piece of technology was their only lifeline to something better, a way of life they could handle, that offered them peace in times of turmoil. Both had sunken eyes, hollow, filled with distress and despair, comforted by the four walls which surrounded them as it helped shield them from their troubles, as it offered protection from all which made their heart feel low and heavy. Nell sniffled softly, as she blinked back a fresh wave of tears which fell one after another down her cheeks anyway, for it was a hopeless endeavour in the end. All was quiet now, the shouts and sounds of glass shattering, of doors banging loudly against walls, it had all ceased some time ago, but the effect remained, leaving a lasting impression on her mind and heart. She moved her mouse to scroll back to the messages she had sent her friend when the violence had erupted, for it was louder, less controlled, inspiring new fear inside the youngster she had not felt for some time though, in each exchange she had had with her distant friend, it hadnt occurred to either of them that they should try to contact someone, to alert authorities or to try and reach out for professional help. They leaned on each other, it was all their young minds knew, but it didnt ease the burden any less in such scenarios. Nell had written, as she had usually done so, which could only have been read in a monotone voice, with an equally heavy heart, 'They're at it again lol,' followed shortly afterwards by a longer statement, detailing how she felt as she had no one else to support her, as she had written that 'I'm so over all of this, they never realise how much this affects me.' Amelia had spotted the message and was quick to answer, as the rain beat rapidly against her window. She had feared for her friend at times, but always kept the door to her room closed and her fright silent, felt only quietly in the home with thin walls and keen ears. 'I'm sorry this is happening, I wish I could do more to help,' she wrote in response, unsure what to say as she felt so powerless to stop the onslaught of abuse and psychological harm such things caused her friend on a daily basis. 'Its okay, just having someone to talk to helps,' Nell wrote, but did she really believe that? It was hard to say, and as much as she knew that it was mostly out of their hands, as she was left at the mercy of those bigger, stronger and more powerful than she, as they dictated what kind of life she led as an adolescent, she couldnt help but feel her frustration with the world boil beneath the surface, threatening to spill over and infect everything else in her life. She looked over at the storm raging just beyond her window, and wondered why, but also thought how people can do bad things and not realise the harm they cause, but then, she was still young and had such little experience with the world to answer such questions. While Amelia often spoke of the dreams and aspirations for growing up, becoming an adult and living her life, Nell felt so strongly that she may not be there to see her friend's achievements, but she would prove to be wrong in her assumptions, for she would grow and she would improve. While Amelia had children, and had found it was something she had always been suited for, however difficult it proved to be, Nell had decided in those early days she would never have children. In this, she had always been correct, and she lived her life, at first, as a shadow of a person, of an adult, as she learned that no one would hurt her, no one was out to get her and no one would punish her for doing as she wanted, not as they required. When she figured out that she was free, she never looked back, though only briefly to remember those conversations, as she had found a friend for life during those dark days, all because of those online conversations.