See Me✔️

terribly (11)

Chapter 11:

"Can you hate someone for what they have done, but still love them for whom they had been"

I want to escape, from everything and everyone including myself.

Sometimes I feel happy but most of the time I feel this emptiness that won't go away.

It's 3 am and I lay awake staring up at my ceiling, I think about everything. I think about my dad, my brother and even coleson.

He shattered my heart, my mom shattered my heart. Everyone shattered it.

I'm so tired, both mentally and physically. I woke up in the middle of night after having a dream about Coleson, I wonder how he's been and where he's at. I think about how some part of me regrets him, but another part can never regret him, us.

I close my eyes and breathe, instantly feeling better.

I fall asleep, a little bit after.

My alarm i set up to wake us up in time rings at 7am, lana groans "10 more minutes please" she says, i giggle as I throw a pillow at her while getting up "wake up sleepy head! We're going to be late to school" i say going into my closet looking for clothes to wear.

My closet is full of clothes yet I can't seem to find anything to wear, the struggle is real.

Sometimes i wish we could just go naked and it'll be completely normal instead of having to wear clothes especially on the days where I feel like my clothes just stick to my body the way it does when you go into a pool.

We get ready and head downstairs "now I know since blake left you, you haven't been eating that well but you have me now and I'm going to make sure you eat" i tell her in a motherly manner, lana catched me and the girls up last night on her life and stuff and she experienced a heartbreak no one should ever experience and because of Blake she's been struggling with her mental health.

But she has me and I'll protect and care for her the way she needs to be "thank you stells! I promise I'll try my best to eat, it's just sometimes I don't feel hungry or food makes me want to throw up" she says looking down.

"It's okay! We'll take baby steps" i say and grab a banana, i hand it to her "you can eat a banana for breakfast for now" i tell her and she nods with a smile on her face.

We leave after I grab us some snacks, i drive us to school.

Once we park, we get out and start heading to the front office to get Lana's schedule.

I grab her schedule and look through it, "omg lana we have all classes except last period" i say even more excited for school "oh my gosh! I'm so excited"

We walk towards the girls locker's already finding them "hey guys" i say, they turn around at hearing my voice and smile "hi lana and Stella" Evelyn says as violet hugs us "this is so exciting, the group is back together" Violet says clapping her hands, we giggle at her gestures.

We talk a little before the bell rings, once it rings we head to class together.

Lana and i intertwine our arms together and head to class, i lead the way since I know where to go.

We get in and sit in the back as more students come in.

"So when am I gonna meet Mason?" She asks excitedly, a smile grows on my face as she mentions him, "soon!" is all i say and she smiles. 

Mr. Coleson walks into class as the final bell rings "okay class let's get started shall we" he says sitting his bag down.

The next three classes go by and it's now lunch time "were going to get something because we both need to eat even just a little bit" i say to lana "okay fine just a little bit" she says looking nervous "hey, it's okay" i say grabbing her hand and leading her into the lunch line "Evelyn and violet bring their own lunch so it's just us for now" i say and she nods, the line isn't too long so we get out fast.

Lana gets pizza and i get a hot dog with apple juice, i love apple juice but i also love orange juice, i think i would pick orange juice over apple juice any day."how do you like Redwood high so far?" i ask Lana as we walk to the lunch table "it's pretty good, my favorite part is having you guys with me" she says smiling, i side hug her "i'm so happy you're here" she hugs me back.

We get to the table Noah, Blake, and Mason along with Evelyn and Violet are all sitting at the table, even Ryan is here with them.

"Hey guys, this is Lana grayson, my cousin" 

Everyone at the table turns to look at us, Mason looking at me giving me a smile which i return, what caught my attention was Ryan's face that looked like he just met the love of his life "hi guys" Lana says Evelyn scoots over making room for us "so lana, this is Mason on the edge, Blake is the one next to him Noah next to Blake and Ryan is the one next to Violet" i introduced everyone to her.

"How are you liking it so far" Evelyn asks as everyone else is quiet, Lana sits next to Evelyn and violet making her in the middle and i sit next to mason on the edge "i was telling stella, how i'm so happy that you guys are here with me especially after everything that has happened with you know who" she says "oh what happened?" Ryan asks, Lana turns to him and gives him a smile and he looks like he just melted "just personal things" she says and he nods "so Lana how long are you staying here?" Blake asks "I'm not exactly sure but I know for a fact I'm finishing school here" she says, Ryan's eyes lit up.

Everyone's attention is on Lana, I feel so happy to have her here again. I've missed her terribly.  I just know it's gonna be one hell of a school year.