Missed

"Oil demand's dropped 30 percent this quarter," Jon said. "I tell ye Pete, we're all gonna lose our jobs, and yer not gonna be laughin' at me anymore."

"Johnny, fer the last time, we're not gonna go jobless like nothin'," Pete said. "The world runs on oil. If anythin', this quarter was just a weenie leak at our port."

"But what next? They got those electric cars nowadays... That Musk guy said we's gonna be an all-electric country by 50 years," Jon countered.

"Both o' ye! Stop squealin' like hogpigs complainin' 'bout feed while they 'bout to be butchered," I shouted in a rough voice. "Get to work!"

My lot was about the worst working patch in the Pacific. No wonder management paid them like rats.

I limped back into the cockpit. I had been steering this old rusty bucket for about eleven years. Who knew why I hadn't bothered finding a better job worth my life? I guess there hadn't been anything to tell me to.

I sighed. Just another clear day, but no clear mind. I was getting old. I'd started wondering if I'd even make it to retire. I wasn't aging well.

Somebody opened the cockpit door just as I was about to start relaxing. "Sir, got news," he said.

"Bah," I spat as I stood up. "Got no respect for an old man. Hurry it."

"Sir, lookout's spotted somethin' behind us. Says it looks like a... lifeboat?"

"Behind us? What kind of blind lookout we got? Fool let the thing pass up. Could've been an iceberg, for all we know. Got one job..." I limped out onto the upper deck. The sun was shining from behind the tanker. It made it difficult to see. "Where," I wheezed, tired from the walk.

He pointed outward and slightly to the starboard. I saw it. There was a little white boat. Probably some seven hundred feet back.

"Blind me," I whispered. "It's a lifeboat if I ever seen one."

"Whaddo we do, captain?" the man asked.

I thought for a moment, squinting upon the horizon. The darn salty wind wafted our scruffy faces and racked our eyes like sandpaper. My sparse white hair was salted stiff.

Regardless, some might say the scene was beautiful. Serene. I knew better. The sea never was a peaceful place.

"Don't worry 'bout it," I said. "Move on."

"But sir, we can still-"

"I told ye! There ain't no way somebody's out there. It's a waste of time. Get back to work."

The nameless worker sighed and walked away, looking disappointed. I was tired of standing. I was impatient. Irritable. The chances there was somebody still surviving on a little death bowl in the middle of the Pacific were utterly imperceivable. I was tired. I wanted to just get back to my bed.

But what next? echoed a distant corner of my mind. That little corner always pestered me. I knew what I wanted, and I didn't need some gushy questions digesting my decisions. I would sleep and I would do my job. That's what I would do.

But what next? It came back. I gripped the rails. It made me think.

Thinking. Thinking is horrible. But... my life... was it wasted?

Stop thinking!

What had I done in my life? Where did it all go?

What's next?

I grimaced. What was my purpose? It certainly wasn't this.

Did I miss my chance?

Silence called. I gazed back at the horizon. The lifeboat was no longer visible; it was nothing more than an intricate snowflake in a vast sea of boiling water. I had my answer.

It was long gone.