Xiao X Reader [A Fragment of My Memories]

[34] No Room for Desire

"(Y/N)? I think it's about time you took a break..." Alatus furrowed his brows, noticing how the dark circles under your eyes had worsened. 

You averted your gaze. "I can't afford to do that right now. There's still so much I have to take care of." 

"Yet you look like you're about to collapse."

"What? No, I'm not! I just–"  You tried to stand up, but a strange dizziness took over your senses. You stumbled. And you would have fallen if not for Alatus catching you.

"See?" He sighed. "You've weakened. Why don't you rest for a day?"

 "I can't!" You pulled away from him. "My patients need me. Their symptoms haven't been improving at all!"

"You must stop treating them for a while, (Y/N). If you continue, your life may be in danger." 

"But I–" You looked at him, meeting his stern gaze with your exhausted one. "I can't..." You sighed heavily, holding your face in your hands. "I can't just leave them... Why should I stop when I have the ability to help...?" 

Something within you broke. And Alatus' eyes widened when he suddenly heard soft sobs. You were shaking, even as you kept your face buried in your hands. 

'Is she...?' He reached for you, wondering if he should do something. But he hesitated. He's never seen a human cry in front of him before. 

"T-The other doctors have been getting sick. S-So I'm the only one who can take care of everybody..." you stuttered, trying to hold back sobs. 

"H-Hey... why are you crying?" he finally asked. 

"I–I'm not..."

Alatus tilts his head in confusion. He held your wrists, gently pulling your hands away to reveal your eyes all red and swollen, with fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. 

"Okay... maybe I am..." You looked away. "I just... hope there was more I could do for them..."

He furrowed his brows. 'Why does she care about the village people so much?' he wondered. 'Why won't she just rest?'

Amidst his confusion, tears continued to flow down to your chin. Though your sobs have stopped, the tears haven't. 

He was well aware of how fragile humans are, but seeing you this way made his heart sink. He reached a hand out to you. And before he knew it, he was holding you close, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. 

'What am I doing?'

You looked up at him with wide eyes, only to be met with a gentle gaze. "A-Alatus?"

"Just..." he looks away. "You can hold onto me until you feel better." 

Your eyes widened even more. "I–" You bit your lip, before wrapping your arms tightly around him and burying your face into his shoulder. "Thank you..." 

A small part of him hoped you would hug him like this forever, away from the village. Maybe then, you'd get the rest you needed.

______________________

Xiao never goes to populated regions. After all, why should he when his sole duty was to defeat the demons that lurk in the shadows? Why should he when the karma he accumulated was too dangerous for humans to handle?

But this time was an exception.  

"It's rare for you to come to see me," Zhongli faced the ocean, unfazed by how Xiao just appeared beside him out of nowhere. "It's even rarer for you to come to Liyue Harbor out of your own will."

"You saw (Y/N) today, right?" A soft breeze blew as he asked. "I heard she finally woke up."  

"And the first thing she did was ask where you were." Zhongli turned to him, sighing when he saw how Xiao tensed up. "Don't worry. I convinced her to rest. She won't come looking for you again... for now."

"She should not look for me ever again." 

Zhongli blinked in surprise. "Ever again? Are you sure you're alright with that?"

Xiao turned away, hiding the look on his face. "This is my punishment for ignoring the risks," he said, clenching his fists. "I failed to protect her... again. If she continues to see me, I'll only endanger her life." 

Zhongli watched as Xiao's hands trembled. He could only wonder what kind of expression Xiao was wearing right now.  

"Unfortunately, (Y/N) won't let that happen. You know that." Zhongli says, crossing his arms. "She screamed at me earlier for urging her to rest. I had to hold her down to make sure she didn't run off." 

Xiao whipped his head to face him. "She... what? She wouldn't raise her voice to anyone like that." 

"Exactly. She wasn't like herself." 

Xiao's eyes widened. "The karmic debt..."

"Too much of it causes one to go insane. She's already experiencing it. Don't you think avoiding her entirely would make things worse for her?" Zhongli looks Xiao in the eyes.

"You're saying she'd go insane without seeing me?" He furrowed his brows. "Shouldn't it be the opposite? I'm the reason why she's like this."

Zhongli shook his head. "You're not understanding, Xiao." 

'She feels very strongly about you.' 

Xiao turns away. "I just wanted to ask you how she's doing. You don't need to convince me about anything." 

Zhongli closes his eyes, turning to face the ocean again. "I'm not trying to convince you. I just urge you to keep those words in mind."

"As long as I stay away, she'll be fine. It was selfish of me to assume I could live my days in peace with her in the first place." He walks away. "My only duty is to slaughter demons. It always has been... and it shall remain that way."

Zhongli opened his mouth, hoping to say more. But when he turned around again, Xiao was already gone. 

A strong gust of wind blew as he stared at the empty space beside him. 'When will he realize...?' he wondered, before dropping his gaze. That's when he noticed it. A lone Glaze Lily behind the spot where Xiao stood. Its soft blue petals were starting to open up with the setting sun.

'Then again...' He looks away, staring at the bright orange sky instead. 'Losing someone dear brings about the worst sorrow. I could only hope (Y/N) won't share the same fate.'