|♥︎|JENNA ORTEGA IMAGINES|♥︎|

That's my girl 02

Jenna's POV

It's been three whole months and filming finished a month ago. While everyone went home, I stayed. In those last two months of filming, right after I got a call from the hospital, I threw myself into work. I spoke with the directors and told them I didn't need time, I needed to work.

So, they let me. I put all my feelings aside when the cameras were on because I didn't want to mess everything up for the cast. But off cameras were a different story, everyone was concerned for my well-being.

Though I made sure to eat right, I was incredibly depressed, I wouldn't talk unless I had to during scenes, I wouldn't stay in my trailer at all. Not on breaks, not overnight. I'd go to my apartment, and I would just cry and cry and cry.

Which leads me to now, I missed my love, I was worried she was never going to wake up. I haven't heard anything from anyone so that just left me with my thoughts.

It got so bad to a point where they stopped putting makeup on me for scenes, all because I was already pale, my eyes were dark, and the makeup just wasn't needed. But of course, no one outside the cast and crew members knew that.

The show was already out, everyone loved it. I was supposed to be having an interview right now and it will be bad if I don't do it so I have no choice here.

I didn't want to let anyone down because I already let down the only person to ever loved me right.

This interview is different,  it's more like a Q&A live on my Instagram. My management said I had to do it since I have been off my socials for too long.

I hated every second that I was filming, I tried answering the questions to the best of my ability. I was feeling insecure at the moment.

It made me think of Y/n, if she were here, she would send me kisses from across the room just to make me feel better. I really just want this interview to be done, I want to go visit my girlfriend in the hospital back in L.A. I want to make sure she's still breathing.

The reason I didn't want to do this is because my fans like to ask a lot of question about my personal life, and I didn't feel comfortable talking about that stuff.

"What am I most scared of?", I repeated a question being asked, "Uh this maybe shocking but I think I'm mostly afraid of not being enough for someone, of being alone and being unlovable" I answered honestly, I couldn't lie. Management told me to be as honest as possible so that the backlash this is bound to get would be less for them to handle. I really need new management.

Someone then went on to ask me a follow up question, "What is something I struggle with? And why?", I didn't want to answer this one. It felt as though I was being exposed to something I truly wasn't ready for. And yet, I had no choice.

"As somebody who struggles with anxiety and depression, and spends a lot of time alone, lives in a lonely city. I do work pretty hard and it's weird to like, give myself that or admit that because I don't know, I think I perceive myself very differently than family and friends may perceive myself."

I knew this would happen, I don't know why I run from it, eventually I'll have to say her name, I'll have to tell them about her. I knew that this is what was eating her up from the inside. She didn't want to be hidden from the world and I just wanted to protect her from my world.

"But when it comes to taking care of myself mentally, I'm not the best at it. I think that that's something I struggle with because I find myself being one of those people who's never truly satisfied."

This was it; I have to do this, or I would just keep running and hiding from who I am, who I love. My girlfriend almost died because of my stupid fears, I'm not going to make her go through the same thing when she wakes up. I cannot do that to her, to myself. I truly do love Y/n, I just didn't know how to tell her that I was afraid of losing her to my work and everything that comes with it. I was so afraid of would happen if I came out, that I forgot how to love the woman I fell in love with right.

"I'm working a ton and I'm telling myself I just need a break, I just need time to myself, I need to see my family and friends but then when I spend time with my family and friends and I'm not working then I'm freaking out", I didn't know I was going to have to do this right now but I just want to see, kiss, touch, love and hold my girl. I miss her more than anything.

"I think about when I am going to work again and when am I going to be creative again and make a piece of art?" I know I won't be working anytime soon; I'm going to take care of my girl until she wakes up. "I think that even if I may not feel I need a break and I wanna keep going and I wanna keep pushing myself. I think it is really important when you're struggling like that or are having trouble expressing yourself or finding yourself or just feeling very lost, even though it's kind of scary to confront yourself during these breaks, I think it's essential and necessary. I think in the end it will be very beneficial."

This was it. I had to do this, for myself and for her.

"Personally the reason why I've been struggling so much is because while on set of filming Wednesday here in Romania, something happened that changed me," now I knew, everyone was listening. This live has over 5 million views "my girlfriend of 2 years fell ill due to me being away for a long period of time. I had stepped away for a few minutes to call her and over the phone she suffered from a severe seizure due to starvation, lack of sleep and movement."

By now everyone in the comments either were shocked from the fact that I was coming out or writing their condolences or both. "I waited a painfilled hour and a half after a friend of hers got to the hospital with her, only to hear that she had to be placed in a coma and they weren't sure if she was going to wake up." the comments had gone silent after that.

"As of today, 3 months later, she still in a coma and they are saying there is nothing left they can do for her, it is now up to her to make it through. I have spent every moment wondering what I could have done differently when I already knew the answer. It was my fault that she got like that, and I will not let her suffer any longer. I fell into a deep depression, but I didn't stop working, as much as I cried every single day, I just kept going because I knew she wouldn't have wanted me to drop everything for her like I always did. So, I worked and worked until it was over. That is why I am currently still in Romania."

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I could finally breath again. I no longer cared for what my manager has to say about my life, I'm no longer afraid of admitting that I am in love. I wipe all the tears that were falling.

"I am bisexual and I hope you respect my space, my healing and our relationship. I don't want anything drastic to happen when she finally wakes up, I just want to be able to hold her again and apologize for not seeing that she was struggling too."

the comments only started up again after that, so many people hated that I turned out like this, but even more people were happy for me even throughout my situation.

"I'm sorry to cut this short but I must go to the airport now, I have a flight to catch. I have to visit my love, I'm happy to answer any further questions later on, goodbyefor now."

with that being said I ended the live and immediately started packing for my flight back to L.A. 

A/N: I'm so so sorry you guys, I have a lot going on so I will update whenever I feel like I can, I know it's disappointing when a book you like hasn't been updated in a while and it was never my intention for this to happen but life is hard and it's only going to get harder and busier for me as I have only just selected subjects this month for September.  That means I have to focus on graduating with something worth all the years I spent in high school. 
Anyway I hope you enjoy this either way.
There will be a Part 3, I promise.
I'm not sure how soon though.

Goodbye for now my lovelies, I send all my love to you wonderful people ❤