The Concealed Agony

It's gonna be a long day, Selene whispered and took her phone. The moment she saw the date, an unexplainable pain pierced through her heart. Every time she tries to run away from this day the more she gets trapped in it. For a minute she felt numb and the next second she could feel the intensity of the pain increasing within her.

DING DONG! DING DONG!

Selene snapped out of her thoughts hearing the doorbell. She wiped her face and checked herself on the mirror if she looks fine. She walked towards the door and opened it.

"Good Morning Selene! How are you? ", asked Aunt Maggie living next door.

"Good Morning Maggie, am good and how about you?" Selene replied.

"Am good sweetheart", Maggie replied with a smile. "It's our Joan's birthday next Saturday and we are having a small Birthday Party Saturday night. So do join us dear."

"Oh is it? That's great, I would love to and I hope I could make it. Am sure our little Joan is too excited for her birthday. Thank you Maggie for inviting me and have a great day." She replied

"You too dear" Maggie replied and left.

Selene kept the invitation on the table and grabbed her wallet, journal and the car key. She took her phone and dropped a message to her secretary Lilly.

"Hi Lilly, Good Morning. You know today is 18th my day off. Please do send the project proposal of our new book to the publishers and schedule a meeting next week. Please do divert all the calls to my personal number to office phone voice mail today. Thank you."

She took a deep breathe, locked the door and walked outside. She didn't actually have an idea where to go, but just drove the car to a direction she felt like. It was such a bright day with a cool breeze. She drove for about 30 minutes and finally stopped by a beach. Parked her car in parking lot for the visitors and started walking towards the beach. The beach wasn't crowded as it's a weekday and it was just day time too. Selene kept walking deeply immersed in her thoughts. She used to drive to random places during this day of the year without a proper plan just because she wanted to be herself, sorting out her thoughts and trying to cope up with the truth which she still couldn't accept though it's been more than 4 years.

The sea was calm and the cool breeze caressed her hair and passed by. For a minute she paused and looked at the sea. "Why is that I feel so heavy inside?" she thought. "Even the sea is calm today, it's just me who feels all the fluctuating waves of emotions deep inside." She turned and looked for a place to hide herself and found a place few meters away from where she is. It was an old wooden bench and a table just like the ones you find in a garden or park. It was kept there so that the people who would love to enjoy the beauty of the sea could relax and have some refreshments. They had similar benches and tables every 500 meters and Selene sat on the first one she found.

She gently took out her personal journal. It wasnot an ordinary journal like everyone used to write but, a very personaljournal dedicated to a special person. Whenever she felt like talking to himshe used to jot down a letter in this journal and specially this particular dayof the year. No one knew about this journal except her because this was her onlysecret space where she hid a part of her to someone she love. She opened thejournal, took a fresh page and started writing down.

                                                                            Date: 18th – that day of the year that still I couldn't accept

Just like every year today too I drove to a random direction and guess where I reached? A beautiful and calm place like you, a beach. I never knew a place like this existed though I've been living here for ages. That's what you do always right? Every year this day you take me to a random beautiful place that I never knew existed. But I wish if you were here, right beside me. The sea is calm, there is cool breeze as well. But you know, I feel so heavy inside me. I feel like I have the burden of the whole world inside me. I know it's been more than 4 years but still I couldn't accept the truth, or maybe I just don't want to accept the truth. I still find it hard to overcome this day. Are you listening to me? Can you feel the heaviness of my heart? I know you wouldn't want to see me in this situation but the truth is that I miss you each and every single second in my life. No matter how busy I am, no matter how hard I try to immerse myself in work there is a part of me who keeps thinking of you and cry silently.