not so fond

never ending

warning: it is quite long sorry i just have so many ideas while writing and i just want to put it all in one part so that i don't forget them. xx

As you took the long walk back to the main forest from the lab your heart throbbed uncontrollably. Why did you feel guilty for his state, it wasn't your fault, when you're together he's the one who causes trouble, not you. So why did you feel as though you had? You shook off the feeling hoping it would go soon. You continued to stroll in the direction of which you thought was home until you realised you had stumbled near the sight where you failed to save your brother for the last time. You took a deep breath. This wasn't the first time you had come here, you visited often against your fathers wishes but you had to, it was the last place he spoke to you, laughed with you, the last place he told you he loved you. "We're going home i promise." His soft words   echoing in your head, never forgetting his voice.

Your body begged you to continue forward just so you can reminisce in the last of his moments like you had done a million times before, all you wanted was to hug him agai- "Y/N." Snapped from your thoughts  Lo'ak called you from behind. You whipped your head towards him confused on how you didn't hear him coming. "What are you doing y/nn (your nickname)?"  He looked at you gently tossing his head to the side, eyebrow ruched together. You looked at him saying nothing as your lip began to tremble and your nostrils widened slightly taking in a large amount of air as if it would prevent you from crying. It failed as you walked up to the worried boy throwing your arms around him as he wrapped his slender hands around your waist. You found solace in Lo'ak always, you knew he would never judge you as he wasn't perfect either and he just didn't have it in him to judge anyone. As tears began to fall from your cheek onto his shoulder his heart ached for his best friend. He wanted nothing more than for you to be rid of this sorrow that burrowed itself in you. He always offered the idea of you two running away together, from your parents, the clan, the pressure of it all, but you always refused, you could never leave Lo' and Sez or your mom. "Lo'ak i mis-" you tried to say. "I know, i know." Voice cracking. He read you like a book always seeming able to tell how your feeling without you saying a word. If he had lost Neteyam he didn't know what he'd do, so for you who had already lost that figure, he could only imagine your pain, although he believed he was beginning to feel it. "I'm sorry Lok, (his nickname) about Neteyam." You said through salty tears looking up at him. " Don't Y/N it's not yo-" He tried to reassure. "It is Lo, i left, i walked away from him." Lo'ak looked at you unable to form any words to comfort you. You looked back at him raising your eyebrows still in their tensed position and you continued crying. You knew he some what agreed with you but didn't want to say it aloud. "Listen, even if you had stayed with him, you still would've met with the thanator, someone still would've been hurt Y/N." "Lo'ak." You tried to speak out before he interrupted you. "No body blames you, no one. You brought him back, you brought him home. You saved him." He said as his voice cracked on different syllables. You promised him you would take him home you had to fulfil the promise. You sighed wiping the tears away with Lo'aks help. You released eachother from the tight graps you had on one another and you looked back to where you were originally headed, your purple loincloth shimmering in the moonlight. "Come on Y/NN (your nickname) Let's go." Your best friend called moving his fingers back and forth in front of him. You turned your head back looking at the boy who stared at you with large yellow orbs that also beckoned you to follow him and so you did. He began to take you home, "Home Lo'ak?" you questioned, it was late, no one was around it was dangerous: but that was the perfect time for you and Lo'ak to get up to the bullshit you used to. As much he wanted to do those things with you, he prioritised your well being and health first. "Y/N you're one of the strongest people i know but that doesn't mean you shouldn't rest, i just got you back i cant lose you again." He said shrugging whilst continuing to walk ahead of you not turning back to look at your face. Your face that contorted in disbelief and annoyance that he for once was being the responsible one. You knew it was true, you knew you needed rest, yes but you didn't want him to treat you like the fragile being that everyone else was because that's not what you were.