The Awakening {a short story}

The Awakening

Have you ever thought that maybe your life didn't make much sense? Perhaps something in your life happened that made you question everything you ever thought about your life. That's my story.

My name is Sidney Wilson, former Sidney Craig. I fell in love with my husband at the tender age of eighteen. Through that time I thought I had my life figured out. Things were going well. Maybe a little too well.

You see, throughout my first eighteen years I was attracted to men. Any kind of man whether they were darker skinned or maybe from a different culture altogether. It didn't matter. If I found them attractive then I developed hardcore crushes on them. When I say I fell for them, I fell hard. I just never did tw any of them. That is until I met Todd. The tanned country boy turned football player. I fell for him the hardest I had fell for anyone.

The problem was that I was just your average ordinary girl. I didn't have a popularity status and I did average in my classes. I wasn't the prettiest girl but somehow Todd saw something in me that he didn't see in any other girls.

We dated for about a year. Then I ended up pregnant with our first child. We were over the moon excited.

Todd was with me every step of the way. He was there for every appointment, ultrasound, and blood test. He would spoil me with lunch at my favorite restaurant after every appointment.

The time came for our child to be born. I watched him become a father as our son took his very first breath. The love that Todd had for him was impeccable. I had never witnessed anything more special. Just when I had thought that I couldn't fall more in love with Todd, I did.

The days were long but the first three years were short. After a miscarriage that devastated us both, we were excited to find out that we were expecting another child. This time it was another boy.

We fell in love with him just as we had our oldest. The bond between Todd and the boys was beautiful. Our bond grew even stronger.

We thought we were done having children. We had two kids and that felt like plenty. But after two years, we found out we were finally expecting a little girl: our first and only daughter.

Watching the bond between Todd and our little girl was not quite anything I had experienced before. It was a little different although he loved all three of the kids the same.

I was on cloud nine. I married the most handsome man a woman could ever have not to mention the best father and husband. He was a great provider too. I was simply blessed. I had everything anyone could ever want, right? So what's the problem?

It began years later when the kids were older. I began to feel in my heart that something wasn't right. It wasn't anything Todd did or didn't do. He was just as perfect as he was the moment we met and married.

I began questioning everything I had ever thought.

I grew up in a very conservative Christian household with a pastor father.

Everything we did and how we lived was based on the great book.

I thought everything I believed back then was the same into adulthood. I even took my own children to church and made it my mission to teach them the ways of the great book.

But along the way, I denied my true self.

I had feelings for a while when I turned thirty that something was different about me. But I kept pushing the thoughts aside saying that they couldn't possibly be true.

I was happily married and there wasn't any issue between us, but in my heart I knew that things had changed. Not my feelings for Todd, but that I myself had changed. My identity wasn't the same.

So after two years of denying myself and saying that it couldn't loss be true, after the talk of a friend, I realized that I may be bi-curious. That quickly changed when I realized that women have the same affect on me as men do. So I realized that in fact I may be bisexual instead of just curious.

My friend helped me come to that conclusion. I then found myself confiding in my best friend from childhood, unknowing of what she would say or how she would feel. She was quickly accepting and loving toward me.

Still even knowing my true identity, I am left with a secret that I cannot tell. No one would understand. Not my husband and certainly not my Christian parents and family.

So this secret I must take to my grave. Hoping that one day the stigma around this lifestyle is not frowned upon in society.