stranger: now, later, forever.

The Only Chapter I Will Ever Remember.

He was a stranger. Yet to be interacted with, yet to seen or heard by anyone. I happened to take notice of him. It's awfully strange, he happens to be camouflage within the dull grey walls of the cafeteria. I saw these girls giggle at him, I disliked those girls anyway. Not as if I'm any what interested in a guy like him. Look, being friends with Ana means no liking to strange boys. Only fall for those 'hot' celebrities who are like twenty years older. I hate this place, you're a no one if you aren't friends by Macy or Pedro. Such silly names for silly people with their silly rules. I must say, I wanna get closer towards he who I called a stranger. I feel sorry for him but also don't care at all at the same time.

- 27th May

Never again. Never ever. Never will I ever hope to see that man. Over the past week, I have grown a strong interest in 'oh what will happen if I ever disobey the 'superior' of this mentally draining facility?', and yes, I did decide to proceed with my intrusive thought and stepped toward him and sat, right down, next to him. I hate this. He talked to me though. "Hi Kath", he stated. How'd he know my name? Silas, which was his name, seemed to be quite intrigued by me. Maybe cause he had no friends. Ever. He spoke in a soft nervous tone, and started spitting out all this nonsense about his past life. As if I cared. Cared? Cared. Did I? Oh gosh. I don't know. 

-3rd June

I HATE THAT BOY. I HATE THAT BOY. I HATE HIM WITH A BURNING PASSION. HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE AND KEEPS TEXTING ME  (GAVE HIM MY NUMBER WHICH I REGRET.) 'ruok. you havent been online 🙁', 'hiii :D js checking in!!1!!1 ❤️'. I DON'T CARE. I DO NOT CARE. JUST SHUT UP SILAS. I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID LITTLE MESSAGES. IS HE A STALKER OR SOMETHING? THOSE ARE THE VIBES I'M GETTING. HE ALWAYS SENDS ME PLACES HE GOES TO, REMINDS ME HOW I'M SO NICE AND KIND AND HOW HE TRUSTS ME TILL HE DIES. I DID CARE. I REALLY JUST PUT MY REAL CARE IN THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON EVER. I RIP OUT MY HAIR WHENEVER I SEE HIS TEXT. I STARE AT HIM WITH DREAD. I HATE HIM. CAN'T HE JUST DISAPPEAR? THANK GOSH HE HASN'T MADE ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THIS. HE NEVER DESERVED FRIENDS. HE SHOULD OF JUST STAYED THE QUIET BOY THAT DIDN'T ANNOY ANYONE EVERYONE LIKED. I WISH I COULD GET RID OF HIM.

-15th June

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. He won't ever leave me. Oh Silas... Silas my dear. I'm forever sorry. I made you cry till days end. And now you hate me. But I love you. I never meant for this to happen. Please, oh please I beg for you to come back. I miss your '❤️' text. I now understand your feelings are not to be wasted on such a foolish person. I miss your long texts saying how much you care. When you checked on me. I'm sorry I've made you silent for all these months. I would anything to get one last Friday picture of your weekly stargazing sessions. Or to see your study book next to you messy desks filled with photos of animals and astrology, and the organized sections of toys. I played with your feelings. For once you could express all of them like an outburst of color and I have killed all that was let out. I shall never ever ever, do that again or any of this. I just, want to hug you, and stay with you.

-2nd September

I sent him the longest text. The next day of school, he wasn't to be seen. Same for the next week, or a few of them turned into two months. I think, no I know I did something. I'll be right back. Hi, I had his mum's number and sent her a text. She's planning to call me later today. I'm scared. I think I sent him into a spiral of emotions and rage or sadness. I should of helped him express all he wanted to. Not lock it away.

TRIGGER: THIS PARAGRAPH MENTIONS SU!C!D3 PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED IF UNCOMFORTABLE.

She called me. I had built up enough courage to write this and I-. I. I just. I can't. I can't believe I. Just... Did that. He, he went to the craft store and bought some sharp scissors. One minute later he's bleeding out onto the floor. Unable to speak, or even mumble a few words. All he could was close his eyes. And let out the slightest, little, grin. On a note it wrote, thank you. His mum rushed to the hospital and there he is now. Breathing but barely. Hugging the one thing I ever gave him. He always carried it around, told his mum how special it was. It was a small, bracelet I had given him. With his name carved onto it.

I will never forgive myself.

Even though, for he was a 'stranger'.