Don't Let Go.

1

"Yes mom, we got all the boxes." I sighed, wiping the sweat from my forehead using my sleeve.
"Okay, no need for the attitude. I was just making sure." She scowled at me.

I walked my mother outside to her car, hugging her briefly before she got in.
"Kie, the campus has a 24 hour gym. You should utilize that." My mom said, trying to hide a look of disgust across her face.
"Yeah, I'll check it out mom. Bye, love you."
She drove off without saying it back, making sure to look me up and down again before speeding away. My mom has always made me feel bad whenever she could. I wasn't even overweight, my stomach was just a bit soft. I was 6'2 and considered average weight for my height and age. Even knowing that, her words still stung.

I made my way back up to my dorm, hoping that my roommate would be showing up soon so I could introduce myself. There was no elevator in the building, and I was lucky enough to be on the 5th floor. Just as I was contemplating giving up on the third floor (i mean come on, I had drove for 3 straight days, slept in my car, and dealt with my mom the whole way here. I wanted to collapse.), a group of boys my age flew past me singing some song about a party in the USA and reeking of alcohol. It was 7am.

I wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but I thought I was alright looking. My hair is jet black, curling around my ears and down to my shoulders. I have olive toned skin, and freckles filling my entire face, making the dark green of my eyes pop. So when one of the singing boys stopped and said, "Get your ugly ass out of the middle of the stairs." I was more than extremely confused. For one, I was as far off the side of the stairs I could possibly get. And two, the boy hadn't even seen my face before he said it...? Pulling my jaw back up off the floor, I quickened my pace up the stairs, wanting to lie on my bed and never wake up.

As soon as I opened the door to my room, I jumped back in horror, nearly hitting my head on the door as it shut behind me. There was a guy, my roommate I assumed, standing on one of the beds with a bloody pig mask on.
The boy doubled over with laughter and pulled the mask off.
"Oh my god man. I'm so sorry, i invited my friend over to help me unpack. I didn't expect you to walk in." He said, jumping off the bed and walking over to me.
"Oh it's fine, just almost shit myself is all." I said, holding my hand out for the boy to shake. "I'm Frankie."
"Jude. Guess we're roommates then?"
"Looks like it. Which side do you want?"
"I'll take the left. I don't like mirrors facing my bed. Creates a portal for evil or something." Jude shivered, pointing to the mirror hanging on the back of our door directly in front of what is now my bed.
I sat on my new bed and admired the band posters Jude had put up on his side already. Nirvana, Jeff Buckley, Jimi Hendrix, and Bob Marley were staring at me from the wall, bringing personality into the once bland room. I stood to unpack all of the boxes my mom and I dragged in when a blonde, slim shady looking boy busted through the door. His hair was buzzed and platinum blonde (obviously bleached), and for some reason, he wasn't wearing a shirt. I stared in horror, which quickly turned to awe when I noticed the insane six pack the dude had. Jude walked over to the shirtless boy and gave him a fist bump, while staring at his head in shock.
"The fuck did you do to your hair?"
"You like? I bleached it. Thought it was time to change it up, ya know?" The stranger rubbed his head the same way one would rub a dog.
"Oh! My bad, I haven't introduced you. Wylder, this is my roommate Francis." Smiling, Jude turned towards me pointing.
"Oh uh, it's actually Frankie." I corrected, waving at the boy I now knew as Wylder.
"Nice to meet you Frankie. Sorry you gotta room with Jude. Kinda shit luck if you ask me. Anyways, are you coming to the back to school party?" Wylder stepped closer, and I caught the scent of weed coming from him.
"I didn't even kn-"
"Yeah, he's coming. He didn't know about it but now he does so i'm forcing him to go." Jude walked over to stand at my side, clapping me on the back.

A couple hours had passed and it was now 7pm. No matter where I tried to hide to avoid Jude dragging me to a party, I was always found.
"Dude, I swear to god if I have to chase you down one more time, i'm going to handcuff you to your bed until it's time to go."
"That's kinda kinky Jude. I could be into that." I joked, winking at the flustered boy.
Eventually, Jude had to literally drag me out of the school.

When we got to the party, I immediately wanted to turn around and go back to our room. I was not informed that I had to go to a frat party of all places. People littered the lawn, chatting to each other with red solo cups in their hands. There was a girl hanging out of the second story window screaming the lyrics to the song that was blasting in the house, obviously thinking she's the main character.

I didn't think I was too good for parties...wait no, yes I did. Nothing good ever came from parties. When I was a sophomore in high school, my friends and I went to a party thinking we would have the time of our lives. Every single one of us left the party throwing up every five minutes during the walk home. I wasn't a big drinker anyways, I preferred smoking. My mom has a drinking problem, and she definitely wasn't the friendly kind of drunk. So yeah, I don't like to drink.

As soon as Jude and I walked through the door, Wylder came running up to us, cheeks so red with drunken flush that they were almost purple.
"Thank god you guys finally made it. You just missed Reise and Vivienne basically banging on the kitchen counter. Actually kinda made me wanna vomit to be honest."
"I'm devastated that I missed that. Thank you for such a wonderful story." Jude yelled over the music, voice dripping with sarcasm.

I decided to wander the house, leaving them to talk. It would have been a nice house if it hadn't had the sad fate of being home to frat boys. There were fist-size holes in almost every wall, with a name written above them to tell who each one came from as well as the date it was put there. I made my way to the kitchen and- woah, okay. There's Reise and Vivienne. I half way sprinted out of the kitchen and out the back door where I found a much more peaceful, sexless area. There were a few people in the corner of the backyard who were passing a joint around. Finally, a group I could possibly enjoy myself with. I approached them, hands in my front pockets and a friendly smile displayed on my face.
"Hey, can I join you guys?"
"Yeah man, of course!" One of the girls said, waving me into the circle.
I was handed the joint next, taking a long puff off of it, squinting my eyes as I inhaled.
"I'm Frankie by the way."
"Cool."
"Nice to meet you."
"Can you pass that over here?"
Yeah, I would be fine out here for awhile. I often found myself attracted to people who were down to earth, and in the moment. These people were so down to earth that they couldn't be bothered to introduce themselves at the moment.

After finishing off the joint and talking to the group for awhile, I decided to make my way home. When I got to my room, I had to stumble through the room to find my lamp. We don't have a main light, just two lamps near each of our beds. Finally, I flicked the lamp on and toed off my shoes. My eyelids were heavy and I couldn't tell if I was super tired or super high. Probably both, I decided. Heading to take a shower before I went to bed, I stopped in front of the mirror hanging from the door. My shirt was off, pants unbuttoned, and a towel hanging from my arm. I brushed my hand across my stomach, ghosting my fingers across the trail of hair below my bellybutton. Thinking back to Wylder standing in my room shirtless, and then back to all of the things my mother says about my body, my eyes began to sting, threatening to burst. If I keep staring at myself, I'm  going to be a mess in about thirty seconds. With that in mind, I turned to open the bathroom door. Turning the shower on, I allowed the steam to fog the bathroom mirror so that I couldn't see myself.

When I was done with the shower, I got dressed and looked back into the mirror on the door. I reached out to wipe a smudge from it, though my fingers went through the smudge. "That weed had to have been laced." I thought. I reached out to wipe the smudge again, but this time I felt a tug on my arm.
"What the fuck..." I whispered.
All of a sudden, the door came swinging open, and I closed my eyes, thinking it was going to hit me. When I opened them, everything was dark.
"Jude, can you turn on a light for a sec?"
Silence.
"Jude, please man I can't see shit."
A light flicked on, and the boy standing four feet away holding a nerf gun, with a joint dangling from his lips and a look of horror spread across his face, was definitely not Jude.