A Letter To Timothy.

Hi guys xoxoxo this isn't actually my experience but more of my friend's so yAY :D I was really bored so yea. Whatever.

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Hey Timothy.

I'm sorry if this letter is long-winded, or boring, or cliched, or just plain weird. I'm a sucker for writing letters, I'm a sucker for feelings. That basically makes me a sucker for putting feelings into letters. Oh well.

I give you all rights to dismiss this as lame but whatever. Just read it? Please?

I'm not sure if you remember me from... 2 years back. Our senior year. Primary 6. You probably didn't... I was just some insignificant nerd in the class with circle-framed specs and braces. Typical. Keeping to myself and hardly making conversation with any guy.

Has it ever occured to you that I might actually be sneaking glances at you?

Admit it, you never actually bothered to look at me for a split second, let alone talk to me. You were always with your group of friends playing Blackshot and laughing at crude jokes. I don't know. Somehow I was drawn to you. Your laughter? It warmed me up. Made me realize that someone's smile could actually brighten up my day, just for a bit.

We were in the same class in Primary 3 too... Weren't we? Still remember when we were deskmates and made up our own funny little stories? Passing notes? Pretending to be girlfriend and boyfriend and getting laughed at by our classmates? I miss that.

I think it was in the incident where the teacher told us to pair up and write an essay about a certain place in the school. As usual, I paired up with you. You whispered that you were going to bring me to a special place which no one knew of. We climbed the steps and walked through 4 doors (yes, I counted) before coming to a room which was filthy and dusty, yet was lit up my the sun through a window which was, well, in comparison to the room, big. You sat down on a small wooden chair next to the window.

I was curious, yes. I asked you how you found it. You said that one day you were walking around the school looking for the science labs when you stumbled upon it and well, curiosity leads to adventure and since then whenever you were bored you'd just sit there and think about school and family and teachers and friends and me and many other things that no one would be willing to listen to.

I asked why you brought me there. You said you thought maybe I could know about the place and it could be our secret fort. A secret place for just the two of us.

That's when I knew I fell in love with you. John Green compares falling in love to falling asleep- slowly, then all at once. Catherynne M. Valente compares falling in love to getting your throat cut- just that quickly. Haruki Murakami compares falling in love to a veritable tornado sweeping across the plains- flattening everything in its path, tossing things up in the air, ripping them to shreds, crushing them to bits.

I compare it to riding a bicycle- wobbly when starting off, but once used to it, just riding it and letting things come as they are.

For the next 2 years, we were split up into different classes. Call it fate, but somehow we weren't as close as before. I had difficulty making friend, being labelled as a nerd and having no life. All I did was study, read manga, watch anime, write/read Wattpad stories about love and romance and stuff. Nothing interesting, nothing cool, nothing nice. No FPS games. Nothing.

In Primary 6, when we were in the same class again, you were with the cool clique. Never really bothered to notice me... I guess. Not trying to sound mean here, but it's true. You guys just sat and talked about Halo/Blackshot/CoD all day long. Flirting with the pretty and cute girls quite often, cracking jokes in the middle of the class and shouting all day long. In my heart, I laughed. Laughed at all those jokes that you made. Laughed at how you seemed to have that swag around you. Laughed at how you always

I don't know. I was just some insignificant nerd in the class with circle-framed specs and braces. Typical. Keeping to myself and hardly making conversation with any guy. I stared at you through my bangs all the time. Not like you'd noticed anyway.

Recently, I'd just go to that fort and sit. Thinking about you, me, us. All the fairytale fantasies stuck in my head. I read too much Wattpad. Whatever. What happened? Two years passed and you just, well, became "cool". I don't know. People change, and you're no exception. All I could do was watch and hope that one day you'd notice the girl with circle-framed specs and braces.

On the day of graduation, you found a small letter with the words "Please don't forget me?" typed out right? You thought it was from that girl with the flawless complexion and slim body with the curves at the right places. You liked her, didn't you? Maybe you still do. I don't know. I saw you whispering to her, Her face lit up and her merry laughter filled the room. I don't think anyone else noticed, but hey, I did. There was some kind of sinking feeling in my stomach; dejection? Agony? Sadness? Maybe I just felt bitter that I'd never be able to actually talk to you. Like we used to in Primary 3.

Now, we're graduated. Secondary two. Separate lives, although I'd probably be seeing you in another 2-3 year's time. I miss you, you know that? I've always missed you. Maybe not you, but the old you. I imagine stuff a lot; no harm in doing so, right? At most I'd feel rejected and upset that it'd never happen, but a small part of me wishes that we'd be together and it believes that deep down you still remember and miss me.

Here's my really long confession letter. I love you. There. I've said it. I have no courage. I suck at writing letters. I suck at confessions. Whatever.

Good luck in whatever you do in the future...

~Christel