Too optimistic to be pessimistic

Chapter 11 "Preparing to go home"

Dear Mary,                                    September 28, 1965
  
I am so sorry that my darling wife and your daughter passed away like that. It must have been hard taking care of someone with Leukemia. Also just to let you know you don't have to be saying sorry all the time because we both lost someone we both love dearly to us in our hearts. It is going to be hard to live our lives without her in it, but we must do it for Kassie's sake.
   
Also, I am sorry that I wasn't there for the funeral because I was in the army business. I also understand why it took you so long for you to write that letter telling me that she passed. It would have taken me the same amount of time if it were me.
   
Also just to let you know I will be coming home roughly in three to four months. So I will be there just in time for her birthday.

Sincerely,
Justin Knight

*****

Four Months Later
   
I look up at Josh who is looking through my records in the manilla folder.
   
Right now I am lying down on the hard gym floor gasping for air. It hurts every time I breathe in because Josh just made me run the whole gym five times. When I was done with one lap he let me have a few minute breaks now and then, but they weren't long enough for me to catch my breath. At the very last lap, I collapsed on the floor hard and didn't move for a while. At first, Josh thought I was dead.
   
Josh was quiet looking through my medical records. He was still looking in the folder when he spoke, "Well done Justin. Well done. You've completed eight months of training in just four. I am very impressed with you."
   
He looked down at me and I managed a smile on my face. It even hurt when I did that. He took that as me telling him 'thank you'.
   
He continued to look through my medical records. "Well, Justin, I am proud to say that you can go home now."
   
As soon as he said that I jumped on my feet like I didn't even run the gym dying because I couldn't breathe. I looked at him with a serious face and asked him, "Are you sure that I can go home now?"
   
Josh looked over at me from the medical records. He looked at me as if I was in pain or something. He closed the vanilla folder with one hand and put the other on my shoulder and said with a serious tone, "I am sure of it my old friend. You can go home as soon as you are done packing."
   
I jumped up like I haven't even run the gym ten times like I wasn't even dying a few moments ago. Right, when I got on my feet I ran up to his hand and shook them. When Josh got his hands back he started to shake his hands. When he stopped I asked him a question. "Why did you shake your hands like that?"
   
He laughed and said, "When you grabbed my hands you sure did squeeze the heck out of them. I couldn't feel them for a minute or so."
   
I chuckled and said, "Sorry about that Josh I didn't mean it. Just hearing that I can go home months before the regular schedule got me a bit excited. I must write to Mary telling her that I can come home already. She might be thrilled to see me again."
   
After that I got quite quiet and looked down between my feet so I could see the floorboards. Right when I did Josh looked up at me fast. He let some silence go between me and him before he spoke. "Are you going to be ok Justin?"
   
I looked up. I could feel that my eyes were red and puffy. The look on Josh's face gave it away. Then he did something unexpected both to me and him. Right, when he saw that my eyes were red and puffy he ran up to me and gave me a hug that almost took my breath away.
   
I had no idea what to do because I was shocked.
   
There was a small silence, but when Josh spoke his voice cracked like he was crying himself. "If you need to cry Justin then go ahead and cry. No one here is going to judge you if you do. I know how it feels when a loved one dies all of a sudden, and I cried like heck when we lost Zaydin. Even for a while, Elizabeth tried to make me feel better but it didn't work. Not for months anyways."
   
He let go of me and looked me in the eyes when he said, "But eventually I got back to my old self again. I know that you will too."
   
He came back to me and hugged me once more; but this time when he was moving away he couldn't. I was holding him down and out of nowhere I started to cry my eyes out. I have only done that to one person and that was Kassie.
   
When he held me tighter I cried even longer and louder. He was right. I need to do this. I have been holding in these feelings for the last four months. I was glad that my best friend was there when I need him just like back in high school.

******

"Letter to Mary Allen from Justin Knight"

Dear Mary,                                             January 18, 1965
   
I am happy to say that I am coming home four months ahead of schedule. When I do go over there I will be visiting her grave site. Gosh, I still can't believe that she is gone. I don't know how I am going to live the rest of my life without her. I don't know if I can.
   
I will be over as soon as I can get on the next train over there.

Sincerely,
Justin Knight

1018 words