Totally legitmate business (For Brie)

20 3 1

by cherriesblood

by cherriesblood

“Nice place you have here. Sooo.. What can I get for this.. much?” The man rummages through his pockets as he speaks, trailing off before placing a handful down on the counter. The coins harbour a sickly sweet metallic smell, somewhere in the middle of the lint forest and sticky coins there's a stray tortoise shell button staring back up at him. Urie blinks, staring down at the shorter man with a healthy amount of scepticism.

“I wouldn't touch you if you were the last man on earth, as a paying customer or not.” His refined features flare up in disgust, perfect pink lips curling into an unsightly scowl. Citrine coloured eyes briefly glance between the stack of mismatched change and the pricing chart on the wall. The audacity almost wounds him, the mere pocket change Shiki had presented would barely amount to enough to buy a can of coke from the vending machine outside the complex.

“Don't be so cruel Urie, I just wanted to check in on an old friend. I'm only trying to be supportive of your new hobby.” Shiki whines, lips pouted for dramatic effect. He reminds Urie of an ever petulant child, pouting and freshly scolded for stealing from the cookie jar.

In the meantime while determined to stay in the human world a bit longer Urie had taken up what the humans called a "side hussle." When Rem departed this world so did his infinite funds, and the life of finery and grandeur Urie had grown so accustomed to went with him. Working as a masseuse is a strangely fitting job description for an incubus. And Urie is very, very good with his hands.

“How very, that's all good and well that you think we are on friendly terms but you cannot stay here. My facilities are for paying customers only.” Silently Urie is thankful it's a slow day today, with no more appointments until the late afternoon. This unusual exchange is almost as embarrassing as it is bizzare. But then again, who else but Shiki would have such a grave misunderstanding of human social norms.

“But I am a paying customer! It's you who is the one being difficult, you won't take my money.” He all but stomps as he speaks, eyebrows firmly knitted together in frustration.

“Well, whatever you've got here is barely legal tender. I need to see some real money, or else you will have to go loiter elsewhere. I'm running a business here, not a charity. Perhaps Mage might entertain your childish whims?”

“I wouldn't even know where he is and I came all this way especially to see you. I have ¥500, take it or leave it.” Shiki frowns, putting the button back into his pocket. Another time perhaps, he'll find a use for it eventually.

Urie ponders this for a moment, before a wicked thought comes to mind. He leans over the counter, pausing momentarily to study the uncertainty in those carmine eyes staring up at him before flicking Shiki's nose with ruthless efficiency. Shiki only gasps in reply, hands instinctively flying to cradle his face from any further attacks. However, Urie is strangely satisfied with the turn of events.

Diligently he slides the pile of change over to his side of the counter, though not putting any of the sticky coins in the register just yet. The ¥500 is only a consolation prize in the larger scheme of things, the grand prize however lies in finally rendering Shiki speechless. There is no sum of money greater than a well earned moment of peace, as Urie would come to find out.

“Thank you for your patronage it is very much appreciated, do come again soon.” Urie smiles as though butter wouldn't melt in his presence, tight-lipped and eyes closed demurely. The glass door closes with a slam, the bells hanging from the top of the doorframe ring wildly.

I haven't written fanfiction in like ??? four years ??? Maybe more ?? Anyways this is just something short and silly I cooked up in the dms with my long time internet best friend gooberz09 based on her infamous Shiki dentist fic. We actually met because of dance with devils it's so nostalgic writing for this fandom again 😭😭 I probably won't write any new chapters unless I receive any specific requests or I suddenly get DwD brainworms but I hope you enjoyed reading!! Especially you Brie ilysm my girl gang for life fr