destined alignment

the moonlight

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Belle's pov

I love the moon. I love the way the calm light protects me from the pitch black of the night. Feeling the refreshing gust of wind against my face in the night air fills me with a sense of relief that eliminates the anxiety disrupting me. I can't help but imagine the love of my life holding me in his arms while we enjoy the peace of the moon on my window seat. The feeling of protection and security i've craved ever since I was little. Being seventeen and still never having my first kiss makes me wonder if i'll ever find love. Nessa always tells me i'll find "the one" someday but my hope slowly fades every year. Every night I imagine my boyfriend holding me close and kissing me under the moonlight. Saying I love you before sleep engulfs us. Holding hands while walking to class. I snuggle further into my fluffy blanket as these warm thoughts soothe me. Sometimes I wish moments like this could last forever.

"Belle the pizza is here!" Nessa shouts downstairs. There is nothing better than living with your best friend. I dragged Nessa to accompany me to a home store so I could decorate our apartment just like i've always dreamed of.

"Bee can we please leave it's been two bloody hours i'm starving." "We can get food afterwards. Ness have you seen how cute these blankets are?" I smile at the memory from three months ago as I place a slice of pizza on my plate.

"You excited for school tomorrow?" Nessa asks after placing her third slice into her mouth. "I'm dreading it. Why do you look so pleased?" "Please don't get mad..." "
What have you done now?" "I may have signed us up to do ballet." I know how much it frightens you to be involved at school but i'll be with you the entire time and we can actually have fun. And you're going to look stunning in the leotard." I internally groan at the thought. "When is the first practice?" "Tomorrow." "Tomorrow?!" "Bee this will be fun ok?" "Ok fine." Nessa excitedly jumps up and down in her seat relishing in the fact she convinced me to do this.

I feel slightly panicky at the thought of being in front of so many judging eyes, especially Ash's. He's one of the football team's best players, but for some reason he decided i'm no better than the mosquitos that bite away at skin. At every opportunity he'll infuriate me with his insults ever since he witnessed me asleep in the library with my face lying on my book. But I can't help myself from admiring his fluffy brown hair and brown eyes that grow wide when he laughs, or his height that towers over me every time he's in my proximity. I hate the way my heart betrayed me by falling for the one guy who is nothing more than the flicker of a candle waiting to burn me.

I've only ever felt safe under the comfort of my blanket, the moon and the romance book detoxing my mind from the anxiety. After years of reading i've finally understood why it's my escape. The love is something i will never have. I will never be able to face the anxiety that comes with relationships. I will never be able to go further than an awkward hug that's drowned of comfort and finished with an icy chill. Every evening is spent lying on the garden sofa letting the warmth of my blanket shield me from the chill of the night air. Listening to the airplanes glide past leaving behind a therapeutic sound. I imagine the excited passengers in them listing off activities they'll do once they arrive at their mystery destination. Oh how i wish i could be them right now escaping the horrors of school. I wish i felt as free as the way the candle does dancing beside me unfazed by the evil in the world. I just cant bring myself to take the risks like my best friend does. Nessa is never afraid to put herself out there and seduce every male in sight. Her extroverted exterior contrasts massively to my introverted one yet we're still two peas in a pod. I'm so grateful to have Ness, especially when my life snaps at the seams.