Heaven's On Fire |Dimebag Darrell

Our Heroes Can Sometimes Be Our Villain's

July 19th, 1996

  July 13th was forever to be etched into my mind, staying with me forever. It was a day where we all had almost lost one of our own, we never saw it coming. Later that night we were told that Phil's heart had stopped, he technically was dead for a few minutes till they were able to resuscitate him. What we weren't expecting was to find that our dear friend was in fact an addict, I guess he hid it so well.

  Almost losing Phil had brought back a lot of pain that I never knew that I was hiding deep within, pain relating to the loss of my mother at such a young age. I was never given time to properly mourn over her passing before I was shoved out into the world on my own at 18. Fucking Ronnie, he saw a vulnerable girl who had no one to miss her, digging his claws as deep as he could. I was merely a lost sheep in a dark world.

  Moment the fans got wind of what had happened, hearing that I was the one who administered CPR to the singer which resulted in saving his life, I was dubbed a hero. Honestly, I didn't see myself as one. I did what I knew I had to do for my friend. The guys within our crew explained that Phil would have easily died if I didn't intervein, and for that they were forever grateful.

  Phil was given a full day to recover before jumping right back on that stage to finish out the rest of the tour. Once Phil had figured out it was me who had saved him, he broke down and begged for forgiveness. The lead singer was never one to believe in religion, but strongly believed that I was his guardian angel after that night. Something in him had clicked and we spent more time together, keeping an eye out for him in hope that he knew he always had someone in his corner while he fought against his demons.

  Wish that I could say that Darrell was understanding, but days passed as I started to notice him pulling away from me. I knew the guys were all shaken up in what happened to their fellow brother, so I assumed that Darrell was merely coping in the best way that he knew how, by drinking. Though as time went on, it was hard to see that may not be the case, I was slowly losing him. I couldn't pull him out of it.

  Anytime I entered a room that he occupied, he would walk out. I knew that it was serious when we started sleeping separately, something we haven't done in years. I wasn't sure how much longer I could patiently wait for him to find me again. I wish I could understand, but because of the lack of communication from the guitarist, I was finding myself slowly falling apart.

  "Able, you need to eat something," Vinnie sighed, watching me closely. I began to notice in how what was going on brought out the protectiveness within my brother-in-law, part of me was thankful, but other part of me found it annoying. I naturally wanted to pretend that everything was fine, but it was beginning to be easy for everyone to see how Darrell was towards me. It was embarrassing to say the least.

  Looking over at Vinnie, "I'll be fine Riggs. I promise," trying to reassure the drummer who clearly was not buying my bullshit. "Able, he is right," Phil chimed in. With each passing day he was looking healthier, almost like the Phil we knew. Rolling my eyes, I glanced back out the window of the bus and noticed that the sun had already set after the long night we have had. We quickly packed up and got back out on the road so we could make it on time for tomorrow's San Diego gig. My days had easily begun to blur all together now that my thoughts were consumed with how alone I felt. I needed my husband, but he was never around. Was I really that easy to walk away from?

  Feeling movement from behind me shift, having Phil wrap his arms around me and holding me close. Lately it was him that I was finding comfort in. The man almost died only days ago, and yet he stepped up when I needed someone. Guess us two fuck ups were in need of each other. Desperate to allow my emotions get the best of me, I blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling. Darrell had enough on his plate, last thing he needed was to see me break, not when he had more important things to worry about. Like finishing this tour. Even if it left me crying myself to sleep at night.