12 Days (Gerard and Mikey Fic)

Day 8

Mikey's funeral is today. I'm dressed in black and I stare blankly at myself in the mirror. I am the reason my brother is dead. If only I had gone home that night he had called me while I was out. I thought hearing my voice would be enough to calm him down but it wasn't enough. He needed me. And I wasn't there for him. The thought haunts me.

I have made an effort today to make myself look presentable. The bags under my eyes and the scars on by arms can only be hidden so well though. Mikey would be so disappointed in me. I could nearly hear his voice...

"Gee, you told me you weren't going to do that anymore..."

Stop dwelling on the past. It was time to leave to the funeral home.

I managed to pull myself out of the house and into the car, where I would drive an hour to see my brother one last time.

***

He looked so out of place in that casket. He didn't belong there. He was supposed to be right here beside me, not in there. His skin looked so pale and cold. I wanted more than anything to just hear him tell me all about his day, just one more time. Just like old days.

***

His casket was put into his grave and I lost it. I cried and I felt sick. I just left, I couldn't endure another minute here.