Is She Stronger Than Me?

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Black arms reaching out grabbing pieces if me, dragging me back to that place. Each day fighting against it. Battling to stay up and away from there.

Uneasiness, doubt, self hatred, loneliness, sadness, all these feelings taking the form of girls like me. Each with a different glint in their eyes.

Yet one still reins over them, she is the queen of all dark feelings. Staring back at someone just like myself, telling me what I should do. Should I fight her? Or just give in to it, and let them control me?

Looking into her eyes I feel the pangs of just trying to live on in this battle. Day by day I try and defy her, try to pull myself away from them.

"Do you truly believe they Want, to spend time with you?" Loneliness sneers,

"They were actually laughing at your own stupidity the whole time" uneasiness adds.

"You don't have anything to add to a relationship why would anyone want your friendship?" Doubt questions.

Feeling each word stab me in my already scarred heart. Trying to tell myself it's not true. I plug my ears to block them out, only to be met with the Queen reaching out a hand to me. Her soothing voice reached me, pulling at my resolve.

"Oh the poor girl, she doesn't know better, we have to help her realize the faults of her ways, right?"

Nods and comments of approval from them all, "it's okay my dear, you'll feel much better if you just join us, won't you? We just want you to stop struggling needlessly. What does it bring you? A fleeting happiness? Only to be betrayed later? We don't want you hurt, so just lie down and stop fighting it." She said to me, slowly stroking my face. Her voice so soothing, I felt my strength breaking.

Tears slipped down my face.

"Why? Why must you take control of so many parts of my life? You control my subconscious, and my dreams. You haunt my thoughts always tucking a word in here and there." I whispered, visibly shaking now. "You already have so much why take more? You're openly there all the time now; looking back at me with my own face, repeating my own doubts back to me, cementing the doubt and uneasiness in my heart." After listening to my little speech she leaned in close.

"Antonia. I feel the same pain you do. I am a part of you. You ask me to go away? Then you'd have to destroy yourself to do that." Getting next to my ear she whispered the last sentence. "To kill me, you must kill yourself."

Floating back away from me, she stared to make sure I understood. "I will leave you to your other thoughts now, don't worry, I will return." I stared up as the other version of me disappeared, leaving loneliness and sadness to watch over me.

Falling to the floor I hugged my knees, fighting against the oncoming tears. Loneliness and sadness wrapped their arms around me in comfort.

"You'll feel better if you stop fighting it. We are always here to comfort you , just slip into the darkness with us." They said in unison, each soothing word breaking away at my ever weakening resolve.

Are you happy with yourself?

Have you ever felt worthless?

Is it possible to break free from this cycle? How do we spread our wings and fly free of the heavy burden of grief?

Devil In The Mirror~CompletedWhere stories live. Discover now