If It Is Useless To Resist (On-going)

10: Goodbye's Are A Bitch

Maxwell Evans

I almost turned back. A couple of times. Firstly because I didn't know what to expect from this visit, and also because I still had plenty of unresolved issues in mind. I guess I knew there was nothing Viv could say that would make me forgive her. And not just because she lied to my face. At this point, I can't confidently say I feel for her the same way I did a few days ago. So, won't I be lying to her if I face her and say her lie destroyed us? How sure am I that I wouldn't be the one destroying us first if she hadn't pulled that stunt? Perhaps being a gentleman would have prevented me from hurting her feelings, but then again, we will never know. I can now hide behind the fact that she is the big sinner and keep playing the holier than thou card, but I can't lie to myself. Just like I know I can't keep lying to Jason if I don't want to lose him.

When I got to Viv's room, she was asleep, so I opted to sit by the lone chair beside her bed and wait. The nurses informed me that she was out of the woods, which was a huge relief. Sitting there silently watching her sleep peacefully brought forth lots of questions I couldn't answer. Like when did she stop being my person? Did she perhaps also catch on to my shifting feelings?

“Max…?”

Her strained voice snapped me out of my daze. I hastily got on my feet to stop her from moving as she was attempting to sit. Disbelief marred her beautiful features. “You came…” She breathed in awe, her eyes shining suspiciously.

“Sorry, I didn't come sooner.” Now I know why Jason was pushing me too hard to visit. Viv was still my person in a way. She and I have been through a lot for me to just disregard her because of one mistake. It's not like her intention was to hurt me.

“Do you hate me?” There goes the same question Jason asked me last night.

“Of course, not.” Reflexively, I leaned and kissed her forehead. “I would never hate you.” It was heaven's honest truth. “But I am hurt that you didn't trust me enough,” I added. “Didn't you that I would support whatever decision you would make?”

“I didn't want to hurt you.”

“But you did.”

An awkwardness rose. I had a lot to say, but I didn't have a clue where to begin. I needed her to know though I am angry and hurt, at the end of the day, it's her body and I can't dictate the choices she takes. It would take some time for me to get used to the idea that she would rather put herself at risk than have a baby with me.

“I got the promotion.” She blurted. Everything made sense. Viv had been gunning for the COO position for quite a while, and she had put her best foot forward every time. So, it's not a surprise she got it. This also means a kid would hinder her biggest dream.

“Congratulations, you deserve it.”  It was all I could say.

“I have to move to Greece before the end of the month. That's where my new office is.”  So, even if I didn't find out about the abortion, she was still planning on leaving. It was no secret that Viv would choose her career anytime over having a family. I knew that since day one. But I guess a part of me always hoped she would consider settling down at a point.

“This is what you were going to tell me.” I surmised. The day before I found out, Vuv wanted us to do a staycation I'm the weekend.  She had hinted about having some news to share. Honestly, I did think it had something to do with a promotion, but I didn't think that she would be moving countries away. Shouldn't I be happy that at least I am not to blame for our doom?

“Yes,” she whispered, averting her gaze.

“Is there anything I could have done to make it work?” I knew her answer. But still, I needed to hear her say it out loud. Perhaps you give some comfort or closure.

“I am sorry, Max.”

“Yeah…” I chuckled bitterly. “So I guess this is it.” I must admit it hurts. All those years reduced to this. A shitty goodbye.

“I hope someday you will forgive me,”

“Someday, perhaps.” Letting a deep breath, I pocketed my hands, which were shaking badly. “Whenever is convenient for you, just pop in to get your stuff.” My voice trembled.

“I hope you know this has nothing to do with what I feel for you, Max.”

“At this juncture, it doesn't matter, Vivian.” Nothing either of us could say would erase the simple fact that our journey had come to an end. “I wish you the very best in life.” She stretched her hand. For a split second, I was confused until she opened her palm. It was the diamond ring I had given to her as a symbol of our commitment. “It's yours, I gave it to you.” Where would I take it? Recycle it in the future if I am lucky? She wanted to argue, but I insisted she can whatever with it.

“Be happy, Max.” Nodding silently, I walked out of the room. I didn't have that, I was even holding my breath until I shut the door behind me. My knees weakened. Why am I surprised, though? Didn't I already know this can only end in one way? A few nurses passed by giving me these weird, pitiful glances. I am sure, with the spectacle I made here a few days earlier, they all know our dirty secrets. I had to get out here. My legs didn't disappoint. I was practically half running, half walking out of the hospital. Once I made it safely into my car, I strapped myself in and for a while, I just closed my eyes and breathed. Slowly. Fighting back tears that were threatening to flow. My phone rang. It was my mother. She wanted to know if I had visited Viv. She must have sensed how miserable I felt, for she demanded I head over to the family estate if I didn't want her to come looking for me.

Just then, my phone pinged. It was an Instagram notification.