Nothingness

I can’t remember how it all started all I can remember the screams that haunts me and everyone, every night, everyday? Time is a thing of the past now, and sunlight is a vague memory that I can’t even describe its warmth anymore. In this bleak place that resembles a supermarket with aisles and food splices that every time we look around grow less and less and a counter hanging from the ceiling with two speakers sticking next to it to burst a large siren when the counter goes down… makes it more hard to get some shut eyes. Insomnia, hunger, and paranoia makes a person on edge, makes killing sounds as easy as breathing air if it means you could survive, and whoever acts like an angel sent from heaven… it only takes a simple amount of effort to let them return to their home. It was all created in the most perfect way so the genius who made all this have his enjoyment and laughter. We all don’t know who the creator is all we heard was a rough voice echoing through the walls saying that only one could get out… was it just a way to make it more interesting or does it have a purpose? No one knows…
At the beginning we all thought it was a dumb prank or a joke that we didn’t believe, but quickly we started hearing screams, the checkout cashiers evaporated from place not just them, children, siblings, mothers, and fathers started disappearing without a trace. Asking the remaining family members didn’t help at all they only cried, or panicked, or even screamed until their voice was just gone. I came here alone for all I can remember, I left my mother outside thinking it will only take me merely minutes to return something I bought two days before. Before entering my mother was in a hurry to return home because she was tired but me being the selfish prick I am known for I ignored her wishes, I guess this what people call karma.
“HELP!! PLEASE!!” A scream came from nowhere, it sounded like a woman, I quickly ran to her since the sound was near me. She was a brunette, a white pale skin maybe from being afraid or from the blood loss, she looked young maybe 23 or 24 years old. Her side was gushing out blood like a fountain, apparently stabbed. She looked up at me reaching out her arm for help, but all I was focused on was the supplies she had laid next to her, food, water, and a knife. I leaned over, her pale face covered with tears immediately let up thinking she was saved, but I reached out for the supplies as quickly as I could knowing another person will come after her screams. I didn’t want to save her but I felt like I should end her suffering, I took the cold knife and slit her throat quickly and painlessly as much as I can. The counter reduced a number and the buzzer sound echoed through the walls. I stared at the knife that the blood started dripping from and smiled while tears came from my eyes, the moment I heard footsteps coming near me I fled the scene.
Time passed by since that incident and the food supply is growing thin, living by myself and relying on just me in this place is getting more and more unbearable. I need someone but I need to pick the right person, a person who is gullible enough to trust me and never betray me, a person who is weaker than me but not that weak so he won’t be a burden. It is hard to find a person with these traits it’s not like he will just magically appear in front of me. At least that’s what I thought but a few moments later a girl came towards me running barely catching her breath.
“c… can…” she took a deep breath and asked “can I  hide here for a few moments?” I really hoped if I thought about a magical door that could take me out of this place instead, but I guess I lost my one wish on this girl. She didn’t appear to be stupid, and there was  bloodstains on her hands and she doesn’t appear to be hurt so she must be strong enough to handle herself.
“what’s in it for me?” I asked while showing her my weapon, even if I needed a partner I can’t give her  the upper hand .
“I got food” she smiled, her face was charming a bit and her smile was a nice change of scenery, she had small freckles on her nose and cheeks, her face was light skinned, she got hazelnut eyes, and  a red hair.
I held her hand and took her to one if my hiding spots we ran through crazy sights a person killing another person with a nail gun, his body was huge, and another person was stealing literal candy from a kid, would made laugh if it was a baby. When he was about to kill the kid we took a quick turn hoping he won’t see us and hid beneath a counter in the middle of the super market.
“Nice hiding spot, we just need a sign…” I put my hand on her mouth as there were two heavy footsteps stomping near  us.  I glared at her implying to keep her mouth shut, but she just looked at me like am the crazy person.
When the coast was clear I removed my hand slowly away from her, “put your hands again and I will keep it” she said with a furious look.  “what’s your name?” she added after taking a deep breath.
“Tony ..” I said trying to be calm
“well.. fuck you Tony “ she said with her mouth open and looked at me with a glare in her eyes which was quickly got dimmer when I looked confused. “the meme…? Did  you had fun before all of this?”
“How are you still having fun with all of this ? “ asked with an anger and doubt in my voice.
“what  else should I do?  Hide and look behind every corner? stay silent hoping to be saved by someone or something? let me ask you this, how did you survive so far?” she said while pointing at my thin arms and legs.
“I run, hide, wait for an opportunity to strike and get food by taking advantage of that opportunity, that what it means by playing it smart.”  I said calmly even though I felt a vain was about to pop.
“well this… makes sense actually damn am lucky I survived so far, but at least am making the best out of the worst situation “ the amount of pride she said it with made me reconsider if helping her was a mistake . “am jess by the way nice meeting you”  She reached her hand out for a handshake.
Her hands were warm and soft this feeling of shaking a person hand made me space out for a moment thinking how nice letting one’s guard down but this feeling burst into flames when the buzzer rang. I don’t remember how much we were at the beginning but am pretty sure the number was more than 70. I guess the kid was saved from this hell hole.
The  sound of a bursting confetti came out from the intercom followed by a voice I hoped it will never appear again. “Congratulations everyone.. you made it this far now level 2 is about to begin… best of luck the last 30 are going to get a special reward.” My heart was racing, it was hard for me to catch my breath. I looked at jess who was sitting next to me hoping she would calm me by saying an optimistic remark but all I saw was an afraid person who is looking at an abyss while tearing up trying to collect her strength by creating a broken smile. I shook her body as hard and quietly as I can to snap her out of it but her state of shock was worse than I thought. I slapped her as hard as I can hoping she could get it together and lucky me she did.
“wh… what happened, and ouch by the way” she said giggling.
“I should ask you that, where was your brave sense of adventure, what is going on?” It is hard to survive a lone, I need her.
“nothing happened I am fine.. yeah I am fine.” She said that with a smile and slapped her own cheeks
“If you say I so..” saying that felt the right thing to do the less I knew was the better.
“So that were you kids went running to… nice place really great” we looked up and saw the man who was torturing the kid from a far. Him being close struck fear into my spine. His creepy smile, viscous eyes filled with bloodlust, his calm and happy voice, as this was his nature habitat and we were his prey.  He was having fun. “now, now, don’t look at me like that I will feel insecure about my face” he burst a laugh. He kept leaning more and more on the counter until his hand was able to reach my face. He stroked my hair as if I was 10 years old and that’s how I felt. My legs were heavy I couldn’t carry myself the first time ever in this place were I was trapped.
“run” jess said screaming, but I couldn’t. “run I said “ she said again while pulling my body with her.  Slowly I was able to regain some courage and started to use my legs. I ran as if I was running in a dream and when I looked back the guy was walking steadily his eyes was focusing on us ignoring his surroundings . “calm down, deep breath and calm down, we need to kill him” she said steadily with a brave voice as the person I saw panicking earlier was just a figment of my imagination.
“ kill him… how?”  I asked
“He is confident, he just sees us as kids that’s all we need to use against him, acting powerless is the best move” she said with excitement beaming from her eyes. “be the bait, he has his eyes on you and I will attack.” Her smile is glowing more and more in an uncomfortable way, making it easy to trust but scary at the same time.
I stopped running every second pass and every time his ugly face gets more and more closer it becomes more hard to stand my ground. I held my knife and thanks to a miracle it didn’t fell from my trembling hands. His body was standing in front of mine I can feel his hot breath and every feature of his face carved into my memories. He held my shoulder and his grip was slowly getting tighter as his came closer to mine . “I see you were abandoned” he said whispering to my ears. He took the knife from my hand with an ease. The cold blade was touching my face slowly. His smile was getting wider and wider made me flinch by his horrendous glare. The moment I closed my eyes I felt something splattering over my face, I opened my eyes and I saw the guy was laying on the ground as he was slaughtered and Jess was standing next to his corpse steady as a rock and held the blade while blood was dripping from it.
“That was fun ha..” jess said while panting heavily. She bend to see if there was anything useful in his pocket and all she could find was a box of matches some money which is useless now and a Swiss knife. I looked at her with a strange look on my face and said “who are you? How are you comfortable with killing?” she took a wipe from her pocket and wiped the blood from the knife and her hands while looking at me. “how are you still have problems with killing? I saw you killing a woman.”
“That’s different” I said with a cracked voice filled with hesitation.
“different how?” she asked
“she was wounded… I couldn’t save her so I ended her suffering” I said telling her what I convinced myself with.
“Yeah the thing is I wanted her to suffer.. she needed to suffer… everyone here in one way or another is a terrible human being, some forgot what they did others chose to embrace it.” She said with a serious tone which was a first.
“I don’t remember much but I know am not a terrible person and I believe you’re the same otherwise you wouldn’t have saved me”  every word I said is filled with hesitation, doubt, and anger because a part of me is angry at myself for how weak I displayed myself and how little I trust myself.
“sure bud, and the sky is filled with rainbows and I just didn’t slaughter a guy without any problems, just wait and surely you will remember” her words annoyed me more and more
The buzzer woke me up from the thoughts like an alarm clock, it kept buzzing and buzzing, people around us fell down like the leaves of autumn, easily and quickly. I looked at how many remained and just thirty five people remained, people who at least killed another human or more. Running away will soon be an out of question, soon I have to kill ,  my sanity is slowly getting distorted but my conscious keeps bugging me.
“you said all are bad people, what did you do? What makes you believe you are a bad person?” I asked her but she did not reply. “okay another question, if you are a bad person why did you help me ?” she looked at me with a small smile and replied with another question “if you are in a fight, would you prefer be your final showdown a person with a weapon he is afraid to use or a guy with only his hands he can use?” I thought about it and  remained quiet.
We were walking between the aisles steadily and saw many dead bodies laying on the ground, some had there throats slit open, some had holes on their chests and others were brutally stabbed multiple times, the look of despair on the corpses sent chills to my spine, it was getting colder, but to jess it was normal she kept walking beside them with a smile, a scary smile that creeps me out but I knew I needed her to survive. I was so focused on my thought and the annoying sound of the buzzer was about to burst my heart off my chest.” Just another 4 people “ I said in a low voice that jess overhead. “see people are just number to you, you’re not sad about killing you’re sad about getting killed.” She replied in a low voice. I could not say anything to her I just kept walking seeing the corpses around me and now feeling a little bit of envy.
It did not take much time for the amount of people who remains get to 30, me and jess sat down waiting for the announcement, and apparently many did so because silence roamed the place, I felt that if the place got any more quieter I would hear the corpses’ last words. “attention, attention, everyone” these first words got me nervous, I could feel all my body shaking, and I looked at jess, her eyes were panicking it is clear how hard is she holding herself from breaking down again. “congratulations to the lucky survivors, you were promised to get a present and I was not lying, so at the middle of the supermarket there is a box with each person name written on it and you are not allowed to kill anyone, if you tried you will die immediately hahaha, fairness is greatness you see, so go, open your box, have fun and happy birthday to all and hope you enjoy.”
My body was shaking and jess was not better than me, she smiled, slapped her face to regain her focus and stood up. I did not want to remain protected just to be butchered at the end like a cattle, I wanted to get strong I quickly sprung from my place and said with a fake smile “let’s see what Santa brought us for Christmas.” She stared in surprise, laughed so hard and said that the joke was lame.
We walked to the center of the supermarket slowly and with caution and we saw many like us walking beside us, everyone of those people got a weapon bathed in blood, and anger look on their face. There were not many left, just  huge body men and some few beautiful women who were associated with them . Jess leaned to my ears and whispered softly “scared?” I looked at her with a brave façade and said “was I ever?” she laughed so loud that everyone looked at us, their angry faces grew more angrier. We reached to the center of the place and saw a pile of gift boxes and beside them were some food, apple, wrapped sandwiches and some beverages. I looked at my box and there were many names next to mine , “Jason, Franklin, Joseph, and many more.” I didn’t  want to wait for their owners to arrive, I just wanted to get my box and leave without getting to know anyone. I reached for my box swiftly and grabbed a sandwich to eat, I saw jess still staring at the pile of boxes trying to find her name I kept waiting for her near the sandwiches giving my back to the pile and staring at the ground.
I stared at the ground and felt someone taping over my shoulders, it was a gentle tap but my heart started beating from fear. I looked at the person with a scary face and it was jess smiling to me holding her box and a sandwich. “can we go now? Every one is staring at us” she said smiling. I nodded and while we were walking away we heard the intercom with another announcement “you have 30 minutes to open and inspect your boxes, hurry up please or else there will no be any joy in watching” the rugged voice said so. We sat and hid in our place we were nervous in what was inside the boxes but holding them without opening it would be a stupid decision. I held my breath and opened the box as quickly as ripping off a Band aid. Inside the box there was a gun, six bullets and a picture of me, a picture I could not believe… I chose not to believe its contents, I held the picture firmly and tried to convince my self it was fake, that must be the case or else how is it possible that I was ruthlessly shooting people with a smile on my face. That was and is not me. I turned the picture and there was a date written behind it 19/5/2021. I don’t remember the date or its significance but I remember myself and myself isn’t that. It must be another trick to play  with out minds and change us, I kept repeating this to myself, trying to remain the human I know I am or I believe I am.
“what’s with the scary look?”  jess said it with a smile while holding my trembling hand.
“Nothing” I said as I quickly hid the picture in my pocket. “What was in your box?” asked calmly.
“A note and a gun, these people really did their homework…” she said with a faint giggle.
“Can I read the note?” I asked
“Can I see the picture?” she asked me with her fixated smile that lures you
A prolonged silence followed her question, I was not able to say anything, and when I tried all, I saw was her, fixating so much in her thoughts which made it harder.
“30 minutes passed ladies and gentlemen, please proceed with the intent to kill” the rugged voice announced. Immediately after this announcement we heard gun shots surrounding us from every direction, it is as if we were at war and I stared at jess and she was smiling, it was unsettling I felt chivers down my spine.
“Are you ready?” she asked
“lead the way my friend .” replied with a smile. It was a new start for me, it was about time to leave my cowardice persona behind. This thought turned into a joke the moment we had a confront with someone, it was even a skinny dude with a pale skin and a baby face. The dude came from behind, grabbed me, and threatened jess that he would kill me if she didn’t throw her gun. Normally It would be easy to shake a person with his weight, but  I had to be afraid, my arms could not even move.
“It’s going to be okay.” She said while holding her gun and staring dead in my eyes.
H hands which was holding the gun and it  was as steady as a rock, without a moment of hesitation she fired her gun aiming at his shoulder, the shot was surprisingly precise. My eyes which was fileld with fear and bit of tears turned into eyes filled with admiration and gratitude. I quickly pushed him aside and freed myself from his hold.
“Want to do the job?” She asked me
“Should we do that…?I don’t think he is a threat any more… we could tie him and hide him away?” I asked. She didn’t reply but her eyes was telling me to pull the trigger.
The dude’s eyes which was filled with malice minutes turned into an eyes of a wounded puppy, him pleading for forgiveness makes it harder to pull the trigger. I put the gun away and jess immediately pulled the trigger for me. Shr didn’t say a word, she even didn’t look like she felt anything about killing him or  disappointed of me not killing him. She just moved ahead looked at me to come along with her. The only thing that is missing from our relationship is a leash and dog treats.
The bodies kept piling up, a woman who was wearing nuns clothes, a guy with a wounded leg, guy with broken arm, it just kept increasing and deep down I knew I will be the cherry on top of this death cake. I am not even able to kill one person and she turned into John Wick. I don’t know how much time as passed since we first met, but something has changed, she stopped making cheerful remarks, she became started looking for people to kill instead of surviving , she became…weird.
“So I wanted to ask you again …can I read the note which was given to you?”  I asked, aftaid looking at her cold eyes, I stared at the ground and noticed a dead 15 year old looking boy, which to be honest did not move a muscle.
“Sure but show me the picture”. She replied.
I didn’t even hesitated, I took the picture from my pocket and handed to her, she didn’t make any reaction, it was obvious now..both of our humanity is slowly vanishing.  She passed me the note.
“I had enough, I am going to kill all, mom, dad, classmates, and everyone in my way.” That’s what all the note said. “want to tell me what was the deal?” I asked her filled with concerns.
“I would prefer not to say anything, what about the picture?” she asked
“well I can’t remember anything, I thought it was photoshopped or something like that.. but I am slowly accepting it ..” I replied
“Do you actually believe we should not kill?” she asked sincerely
“I believe that yeah… why should we ?”
“to survive?” She replied with a condescending tone
“it is funny that people show their true colors to survive, maybe you were right we are all evil, not just the people here more like people in general.” Saying that made my chest feel less tight, made me more refreshed.
I stared at the counter and there were three only remained, the perspective of time lost its meaning inside these walls... but I was pretty sure that it has not been a long time since we were 30. People fell down like flies. Panic started rising in me, headaches, nausea, I had enough, I wanted to rest watch some Tv and sleep until the next day.
Jess held my hands firmly, looked me in my eyes with a gentle smile and quickly stabbed the dagger through my chest. “I wish we could survive together but now you will more of a burden than an assist.” I can see my blood flowing through my chest, the coldness kept spreading through me like a flame spreading through the forest. I didn’t feel betrayal or surprised, I mostly felt relieved. I am finally was going to sleep until the next day.
“remember, remember, remember “ the word kept repeating on loop with a voice similar to that of the intercom. My body was lifeless but my brain couldn’t sleep. “who are you?” I asked the voice but he just kept wanting me to remember. My past is gone and my family with it, my future is now not existent. I have no need to remember I just want to rest in peace but the voice wouldn’t let me. Slowly, images started to reappear In front of me, a person who looks like me sitting on a chair watching the screen with depressed look on his eyes or boredom. The screen was broadcasting murder and death, the scenery appears different but the people on the screen are similar to the people in encountered. “Why are you showing me this?” asked the voice again in a desperate attempt to gain some answers, but he kept repeating remember. The headache kept intensifying, my brain was about to burst open.
I saw light again , the ceiling white as a cloud with blinding lights hanging from it, quickly after I was staring to hear gagged voices. I wanted to speak but I couldn’t it was like my throat is closed. The voices became a bit clearer and all I heard were screams and anger. My vision became clearer and I saw shelves and white tiles ceiling, I came back. Tried to move my fingers or my hand but it was still stuck. Moments passed and the voices disappeared only one voice remained and it was Jess’s . I felt her footsteps closing in, it was stiff  and loud. “ it’s over, finally “ she said quietly with sorrow. 
She sat next to my unmoving body and took a deep breath. “ I am sorry we had to part this way, I really am”  then she started crying , wailing, making me wish I would remain deaf. All the emotions she suppressed found a way out. Without notice I instinctively spoke “it is okay.”
The look of terror on her face was priceless, she looked amazed, scared, and sad all at once. “How?” she asked. “can you make my body lean on something? The floor is cold.” I replied.
Without any second thought she grabbed my arm with her trembling hand and made me lean on the counter. “thank you” I said.
“so how? Why? .” she asked persistently.
“well, I remembered my past, or not my past more like my existence. I know why you were terrified from the intercom, I also know why we are stuck here.” I replied calmly and she looked more puzzled than ever. “so you were right the people here are bad, there are murderers, rapists, all sort of human garbage gathered here. And this is like a punishment for these people “ I said to her nonchalantly. “how do you know that?” she asked while holding her knife cautiously. “I won’t kill you, or I will but I can’t now. The reason I know that is because I created this existence, this space and not just for your group for different groups. As an experiment to see how you people will act, or if you people were truly bad or was it just the society that made you bad.”
“this is sick.” She said with a disgusted look and added, “You asked us to kill each other and expect us to just be.”
“I never said you should kill each other, you are the ones who assumed that, I said only one could get out.” I said that with a smile that washed my heart.
“you set us up for failure from the start.”
“I never gave you weapons or asked you to kill, the only time I gave you weapons at the end. you can’t blame me for everything that happened. I gave you a place with food and water and a good environment. You people chose the idea survival for the fittest.”
“So are you playing god ?”
“not god, an experiment. You even knew how people were bad, you even killed me then apologized to make yourself feel good, then when you knew I was the one who created this place you put the blame on me?” my hatred for her started to burn while I said that. “you killed people the first time in school, and it wasn’t you, you and your friends started killing people and your excuse was you were bullied. Blaming another person, even when you heard the screams of the principal the only person who cared for you in the school’s intercom  you didn’t try to help and stop everything, you ran.” Her knees were shaking so much it couldn’t hold her as she fumbled to the ground.
I felt my hands and legs again. I was able to move them. I leaned on the counter, carried my self up.  “so to answer how I came back to this body, this isn’t really a human body , more like a vessel that traps my consciousness a consciousness I erased its memories. I wanted to experiment this experience with you people to see if what I am doing is correct, and until you killed me the idea of killing a person never became my idea of salvation. Every corpse I saw made me sad or sick until it became the norm, and it was more fun that way.” I slowly grabbed the knife that fell from jess’s trembling hand and slowly slit her throats, the shock was so great for her to react but I believe she felt excruciating pain that day.
The End.