My Gay Boyfriend

V.

SHAWN

 

It's official people.

Shawn Spencer is going to die. (a/n didn't realize that Shawn Spencer is actually the main character of the TV show Psych, which is really amazing btw. I just started watching it today and I was like, gosh so Shawn Spencer exists. Kind of)

Please have a purple party during my funeral.

I'm not exaggerating.

This is what my mom texted me:

"Hello there son! Now, you have NEVER answered my calls or messages or voicemails or PM's on facebook and I'm annoyed now. I saw these posts of a girl named Duchess on your wall? You seem very close with her. Her profile picture is even you two! So son, if you're hiding her from us, (I know you are having a secret relationship), I won't talk to you for a whole month. Bye son I love you! Xoxo –Mom"

 

My mom is extremely sensitive and over-reacting, but I love her to death. I can't bear not to talk to her for a whole month. Oh and Duchess. Fudge cakes.

I can't just go home and tell them, "hey mom. So Duchess is this girl who is like, in love with me, but I can't return her feelings because I'm gay. You know. I like men."

That would be suicidal. As if I won't die soon. So, I think it's best to say that it's time to call Duchess at 3 in the morning. I dialed her number and after a lot of rings, she answered.

"He-hello?"  She said, trying to sound awake.

"Uhm, Duchess, sorry to wake you up this early but I have a big problem." I told her, suddenly a bit guilty of calling her this early in the morning. "I know you're really tired but this is a matter of life and death."

"If someone needs blood I'll give 'em a gallon tomorrow. If it's a kidney transplant, I can't because I only have one and it's weak. If it's a heart donation sorry it's currently not available." I chuckled but then cleared my throat. I don't think I can really be happy at this time. "As much as I'd like to hear your voice Shawn, spill the deets."

"Uhm.... Will you be my girlfriend?" I asked her. I could tell that she was deeply shocked because I heard her phone drop on the floor. I yanked the phone away from my ears. If a tomboy asks me out, then I would probably be shocked and vomit at the same time. Like no offense.

"Uhm.. sorry about that Sh-Shawn. But I thought you were gay? Ohmygod did I like, turn you back into a guy? Wow." I nearly chuckled, but then I remembered my mission. Gahd. I hope I won't regret this.

"I'm still gay Duchess." I explained, trying to sound happy but then I realized I failed. Miserably.

"What do you m-mean? You just asked me to be your girlfriend at exactly 1 minute ago" she said, clearly confused. Who wouldn't be?

"Yeah. Uhm, but a fake one."

"Oh." She said but then agreed. I told her that we will just talk about it tomorrow.

***********

THE DAY AFTER

SHAWN

 At 8 in the morning the next day, Duchess and I are enjoying our Caramel Frap at Starbucks. It could be a regular day for both of us since we enjoy coffee too much. But now, it's business.

The first thing she asked me the moment our soft butts on the comfy chair was, "Why the eff?"

I sighed, now I regret this 100%. But I still took the time to explain things to her.

"Okay. So my mom left me a message yesterday. She nags me non-stop on bringing my girlfriend when I go home tomorrow. I have 5 brothers, who are all taken, either with a fiancee, married, or with a pretty girlfriend. They don't know that I am gay. My dad was in the military for countless years so to tell him I'm gay is like making my own death sentence." She raised her brows at me as if I'm joking. "I'm dead serious. So, I've been ignoring my mom's messages for days now and yesterday was like, a bomb dropped on me, she threatened not to talk to me for a month if I won't bring you home."

"How did she know about me?" she said, obviously excited.

"Well, she saw all the hearts you post on my wall."

"OH" and her face dropped.

"Okay so now she wants to meet you. I'm sorry if I dragged you into this. If you don't want this I would totally understand." I explained. I really don't want to drag her into this. I don't want to risk our friendship on the way.

"No no no. I'm going to do this!" she said excitedly and took a big sip out of her coffee.

"Are you sure? You won't get anything from this." I explained to her.

"Oh don't worry. I get to go on a vacation with you, AT YOUR HOUSE, so I'm definitely going to get something from here." She smiled so wide and I just chuckled at her. I took a big sip from my coffee and thought to myself, "This is going to be just great".