AS I DRAINED the final drops of my drink, I placed the cup upon the table and rose to my feet.
The hallway beckoned me with its silent allure, and I felt a pull towards the shoe rack that lay beyond. With each step, I felt the weight of the world fall away, replaced by a sense of anxiety.
Today will be a good day, today will be a good day, today will be a good day.
I close my eyes and breathe in deep, letting the affirmations settle into my mind like a gentle rain. They wash away my doubts and my fears, and I feel my head clear.
I gather my dark leather boots that already give height to my long legs as I walk through the front door to my small black Volkswagen.
The sky was still dark, not a ounce of sunlight to be seen, but I preferred to blend in the darkness anyway for I could focus more.
The car ride to school was a quiet one, the only sound the soft hum of the engine and the gentle rustle of the wind. I felt a sense of calm wash over me, like I was at peace with the world. And so I rolled down the windows, letting the cool breeze caress my face and carry away my worries. It was like a balm to my soul, soothing and refreshing.
I felt my shoulders relax, the tension of the morning melting away. And in that moment, I was free. Free from the weight of expectation, free from the burden of responsibility. I was just a girl, riding in a car, feeling the wind in her hair. And it was enough.
No later, I reach the school and the sun is surging to crack in the darkness of the sky, I keep my eyes down and grace circles on the holes in my leggings.
This is really it.
Camille high school was about one of the biggest places I've ever seen.
It loomed large in the distance, a shadowy mass that seemed to swallow up the world around it. The air was thick with the sound of a million voices, a symphony of clicks and clacks that echoed through the night.
The sheer number of people was overwhelming, a teeming mass of humanity that filled every inch of space. They moved in a chaotic dance, a tapestry of colors and shapes that swirled around me like a living thing.
As I stood there, lost in the midst of the crowd, I felt myself becoming a part of something larger than myself. The pulse of life around me was intoxicating, and I was swept up in the rhythm of the moment.
It was as if the world had come together in this one place, a gathering of souls that defied all boundaries and borders.
I had already gotten my schedule which was only 2 classes today, so I could spend more time in the library researching.
After I finish my senior year, my main goal is to study psychology.
The complexity of the human brain has always fascinated me. I'm eager to explore the inner workings of the mind and understand why we behave the way we do.
Maybe I can see what's wrong with me as well.
{...................}
The first class goes by quickly and soon enough I have to get to my last class which is Ap English 4.
As I step into the chilly classroom, I can't help but notice the desks, arranged in perfect rows, resembling acorns in a forest. The sight is both mesmerizing and comforting, like a well-organized army ready for battle. The room is quiet, except for the faint buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead, and the sound of my footsteps echoing across the floor. I take a deep breath, feeling the cold air fill my lungs, and make my way to my seat, ready to begin another day of learning.
Barley anyone is in here, in fact, I happen to be one of the first people to arrive in class but I don't mind.
I take a seat at the very back as I pull out my notebook and wait for the class to begin.
As the minutes tick by, the classroom begins to fill up. Students trickle in, their faces alight with laughter and conversation. I can't help but feel a twinge of envy as I watch them, wondering what could be so funny.
As I look around the room, I can't help but notice the smiles on everyone's faces. They're like rays of sunshine, lighting up the room with their warmth and brightness. But as I watch them, I feel a sense of emptiness within me. It's like a void, a darkness that consumes everything in its path.
I try to push it away, to fill myself with the joy that surrounds me, but it's like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands. It slips through my fingers, leaving me feeling hollow and alone.
The happiness of others is like a distant memory, a dream that I can't quite grasp. And so I sit there, watching the world go by, feeling nothing at all.
Class eventually begins and my teacher Mrs Bonnets starts on the work.
As I sit at my desk, I feel a presence behind me. It's like a weight, heavy and unyielding. I can feel the eyes on the back of my neck, burning into my skin like a brand.
But I choose to ignore it, focusing instead on the task at hand. I reach for my pen, feeling the cool metal against my fingertips. It's like a lifeline, something to hold onto in the midst of the storm. I start to write, the words flowing from my mind to the paper like a river.
The eyes behind me fade away, replaced by the ink that spills from my pen. It's like a shield, protecting me from the outside world.
But as my hands get sweaty with the feeling of someone's stare still at the back of me, it slips and falls to the back.
I close my eyes, cursing myself for being a fucking idiot, because now I have to actually talk to someone and ask for my pen back.
Or I can just grab another one from my bag which I plan on doing.
But before I can even reach and grab it I feel a hand on me.
It's soft and cool and it makes me jump out of my seat.
As I glance up, I am met with a pair of dark brown eyes. They are deep and mysterious, like pools of liquid chocolate.
And then, in an instant, I recognize who it is that is staring at me. It's like a bolt of lightning, sudden and electrifying. And in that moment, I realize that everything has changed.
The eyes that once seemed so foreign and strange now feel like home. And so I smile, feeling a sense of peace and contentment wash over me.
"Jailyn?....."
