Your Brothers Need You

The Garden

The first time she dies she is 12 years old. She watches her brothers go first. The buckshot hits her and it hurts. She wakes up crying in a garden, a kind-looking man making his way to her.

"Hey now, you're alright. It won't hurt anymore. My name's Joshua and you're safe here I promise" he says, crouching down and reaching for her. She instinctively pulls away, but something about him seems so genuine and safe that she reaches back.

He holds her for several minutes, letting her calm down and take in her surroundings. She's in a garden, clearly, but that's almost the wrong word. For one, it seems to stretch on forever in every direction. The plants are vibrant in a way she didn't think was possible, almost glowing in a warm summer haze.

Joshua notices, letting out a soft chuckle.
"It's lovely isn't it?"
"It's so pretty," she whispers, making no effort to hide the awe in her voice. But then her curiosity finally gets the better of her. "Where am I?"

His face changes then. He looks a little like Dean does when she gets hurt and he lies about how bad it is so she doesn't panic. "It never gets easier," Joshua sighs, "When it comes to the little ones." He looks her in the eyes. "We're in Heaven."

Her first thought is to laugh. He can't possibly be right, because she can't be dead, because if she's dead then so are her brothers, and then the pain comes rushing back, and -

"Hey now, shh, come on deep breaths with me. In and out. You're OK. You haven't got a thing to worry about anymore." Joshua stands up then and holds out his hand. "Come on." He says, with a small smile. "Let's go and find those brothers of yours."

They walk through the garden slowly. Joshua clearly knows where he's going and, in a rare show of trust for a stranger, she follows, taking part in the conversation he easily encourages.

She learns that he is an angel, that he tends to the gardens, and helps souls find their way to the proper part of heaven. He's paying attention to her properly as well, which even Sam and Dean struggle with at the best of times. She doesn't particularly resent them for it. They're grown-ups and she's a kid. They're boys and she's a girl. They know what they're doing and she - well - she gets in the way.

She can't deny, though, that chatting with Joshua is refreshing. He even agrees with her that The Powerpuff Girls is ten times better than those stupid Thunderbirds puppets that Sam likes! (Dean is definitely Bubbles, prove her wrong.) But all too soon they come to a glowing gateway.

She tries to peer through but it's so bright she can't make anything out.
"Sam and Dean are in there? Is that our heaven?"
Joshua gets down on one knee and looks her in the eye.
"They're in there yes, but that door... Well, it goes back to the mortal world. To Earth. Once you step through you and your brothers will wake up back in your bodies like nothing happened."

She stares at him.
"I don't understand." She says.
He sighs.
"There's still a lot to do back there, and they are the only ones who can do it."
She looks at him.

Joshua is the first adult to ever actually see her. Dad's never had time for her ever, not when her brothers need training and there are monsters to hunt. She knows Sam and Dean love her, but they don't really know her; and again monsters to hunt. Bobby's nice but he's always more focused on the boys - apparently she's 'well adjusted' and they need more attention.

Joshua sees her. He sees her and he's still putting them first.

There's a crack in her heart.

He puts his hand on her shoulder.
His face looks so, so sad.
"Your brothers need you."

She walks through the door.

She doesn't look back.