Tavi's Four Letter Word

Prologue: 3 Friends and Four Letters

"Okay your turn."

I stuck my hand inside the bowl Jessie held out to me. After a few glasses of champagne, the vision board party my home girls had thrown was long over, and we were playfully pulling a word that would be the theme for our year.

"DATE"

I looked at the slip of paper and shook my head.

"Nope. I need a new one!" I said, wholeheartedly dismissing any notion that a relationship would be in my future, especially this year.

"That's not how that works." Karima said with a laugh.

"So, I'm choosing another one anyway." I threw the piece of paper back into the bowl and grabbed another one before they could protest.

"LOVE"

"Nah, this game is rigged! I want another one!" I gagged at the second piece of paper. God was trying to throw hints and I was trying to stay blind like one of the three mice from a kids tale.

"No ma'am!" the two ladies laughed in delight.

"You know what, you guys are right. I love love. And this was a sign to love on myself more instead of dating."
I stuck my tongue out playfully.

I was serious about loving on myself more this go around. Last year had been a total shit show, and I was still licking my wounds. The job that I thought would launch me into a long standing career ended up being a total failure.

Noon High Productions was the dream job I thought I wouldn't be able to live without. The pay was amazing, the position was partially remote, and the connections from being with the company were top tier. What I wasn't prepared for, was the asshat of a boss that was over the department I'd been assigned to.

The first time we'd met, I wanted to slap the spit from Jacob Donaldson's unattractive face. With the personality of shitty baby wipe, Jacob was the nephew of a board member at Noon High. It was clear he only got the job because of who he knew, and not what he knew. Per usual, Jacob was the typical lackluster white boy used to getting his way. His entitlement turned my stomach and I grew to hate seeing his pasty face. Things eventually took a turn when he realized I wouldn't bow down so easily.

Not only did he completely steal the concept for a project I was placed in control of, he hired his mistress as his new assistant for the role. So of course, after three months of being disregarded and smiling through constant bigoted remarks, I snapped.

During our mandatory monthly meeting, I politely showed the entire department who was truly the brains behind the idea in a PowerPoint I put together as a project update. The update included images of my so called "boss" being a bit too friendly on the clock. I can admit, adding the pictures of him bending Charice over his uncle's desk may have been a bit much. But it was one hell of an exit before I told them all to kiss my perfect brown ass.

Disappointed by all of the of opportunities I'd be missing out on at Noon High, I eventually wandered my way into a new position. The job was over at a quaint little bookstore about 30 minutes away from my house. Surprisingly, the store paid well and most days I mulled about as if I was in a romance novel, waiting for prince charming to walk through the door. Realistically, I just didn't want to face the fact that I didn't have a sound plan. My life's ambition lied within working for Noon High Productions and without it, I was feeling lost. The mundane moments of life left my days blurred together and there was only joy when I got lost between the pages of the books in my store.

So I could see why my friends were excited to see that LOVE was my theme for the year. I needed to find my spark again. A little bit of love and a whole lot of self care sounded like a good idea.

"Now what y'all heffas get? I asked, looking to take the attention off of myself.

"Oooo I got SAVE." Jessie said with a smile.

"Ugh you got an easy one!" I rolled my eyes as she stuck her tongue out at me.

"What's yours Rimi? Jessie turned and asked Karima.

"FATE." she said with a pensive look.

"How y'all get easy words and I got LOVE!" I exclaimed once more, trying not to think too deep about it.

"Oh calm down. We all know you're the rom-com queen!" Karima said laughing.

"Girl, okay!" Jessie chimed in, "You might as well be the black version of 27 Dresses!"

Jessie mentioned one of my favorite movies and I blushed, but she wasn't wrong. I'd been in more weddings than I could count and I absolutely adored seeing people in love.

But the only love I saw fitting in my life right now was the cute puppy that would be coming home with me in two weeks. My last relationship was even more of a dumpster fire than my quick time at Noon High.

Jessie and Karima chatted about their words and I sunk deeper into the couch.

Tuh. Love.

What did I really know about the word? I could share a thousand memories of being loved by friends and family. But I had yet to experience a romantic love that set my soul on fire.

I wanted man that made my life feel like poetry. I thought my ex, Levi, would be that one. When I saw him, my heart did a tap dance of joy and my kitty perked up with interest. It had been years since a man made my womanhood throb and Levi was nothing short of an amazing lover.

But, there was something missing. Even though he'd been a good partner, he wasn't the man I wanted to do life with forever. My family didn't get why I couldn't force myself to stay with him. To them, he checked off everything on the list that says "perfect man". But perfection can't replace chemistry and Levi's touch didn't reach deep enough.

I held out my glass for more champagne and pulled myself out of my thoughts. Tonight, I wouldn't be wrapped up by neverending thoughts about love.

Tonight, I wanted to celebrate the love that was in the room with me.