Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Where My Happiness Can Be Found

I literally jump when; all of a sudden I hear Eddie's voice coming from the front room. I turn to see Larkin watching me in a concerned way. "Do you want me to come with you?"

I shake my head. "No... and if you hear Clive come down from his room... don't let him in the front room either."

Larkin nods. "Okay."

I stop 'Sherlock' and move to the front room where Eddie is talking to my dad. I notice Eddie's chin has a slight bruise and something in me flutters with pride for my brother.

Eddie turns to see me when I come in and my dad quietly leaves, joining my mom in the kitchen.

"Hey..." Eddie's eyes search mine out, but I keep them distant.

"Hi..."

Eddie looks so confused by my distant attitude. "So, what's for dinner?"

I shake my head, angry that he doesn't even remember. "Do you remember last night, Eddie?"

He looks at me confused. "I... I... what, why?"

I point to his chin. "How'd you get that?"

He shrugs. "I was just helping my dad around the house and something fell on it."

It's as if I'm catching him all over again. He's lying. He's lying to me.

My eyes sting and I bite down hard on my lip before saying, "No, Eddie, no... Why are you lying?"

"What do you mean?" He feigns confusion and I resist the urge to punch his face.

"You're lying to me. You went to Alise's party."

"What? Gemma, are you mad at me? Why do you look like you're going to cry?"

A sudden call comes from the kitchen and I don't know if I'm mad or grateful that we're interrupted. "Dinner's ready!"

I wipe my face and shake my head firmly. I turn and walk for the dining room, not wanting to cause a scene. My mom looks at me funnily as I pass her and I sit at the table which is full of food. Larkin and Clive are both in the dining room already seated. I take the seat next to Larkin and let Eddie take the one next to Clive.

Clive's jaw clenches and I shoot him a careful look, warning him to keep his anger silent. Larkin looks at me, asking me silent questions.

"Oh... Larkin, you're here?" Eddie looks confused.

Larkin smiles some. "Yeah, I was here with Gemma earlier for a project and Mrs. Lawrence invited me to stay on for dinner."

Eddie's eyes flash with anger and I feel irritation bubble within me. How can he be angry at Larkin for spending time with me to work on a freakin project when he was off snogging some girl last night and doing who knows what else?

Needless to say, Dinner is very, very long.

***

My mother looks at me after we've finished our stuffed shells and salad and asks, "Gemma, dear, how about you go get the pie I made?"

I push my chair back and gratefully escape for the kitchen. When I reach the fridge I don't move to get the pie right away. I lean against the cool metal doors of the fridge and close my eyes.

Dinner has been excruciating. The entire time Eddie looks at me, trying to catch my eye and Clive continues to shoot him death glares. The tension in the room is thick and I can't stand it anymore.

"Hey..." I turn to see Larkin standing in the door way of the kitchen, smiling some.

I smile back, simply worn out from all the fakeness of this entire situation. "Hey... What are you doing in here?"

"I offered to go help you when Eddie mentioned you might need assistance." He smirks and then grows serious, "How you holding up, Gem?"

Somehow, him shortening my name sounds so comforting that I don't even feel the usual urge to remind him my name is Gemma.

"I just... It's so ridiculous I can't even process thoughts. I'm so confused." I close my eyes and rub around them, not really caring if I rub mascara. Not really caring about anything at all.

Suddenly I feel Larkin's hands on my wrists, gently pulling my hands away from my face. I open my eyes to see him standing right in front of me, a caring expression on his face. "Hey... it's really simple."

"Is there any possibility that what you have with Eddie has potential for feelings of love? Any at all?"

Without hesitation I answer:

"No." It's almost as if a weight is lifted from my chest. Knowing that without a doubt there isn't a chance of love between me and Eddie seems to make things so much clearer.

Larkin brushes one of the loose strands of hair from my face. "Then, tell him. Tell him that he hurt you. Let him know you're angry. And then... move on. Try to step forward. I'll be here to help." He smiles at me and it warms me.

I look into his eyes. How is it possible that I feel I know him after a short day of spending time with him? "Larkin..?"

My eyes flutter and Larkin's lips press against mine gently. It's nothing like the kissing we did at the wedding years ago. It's simple, it's caring. I don't expect it from Larkin, but it's so gentle and right that I become weak at my knees.

Most of all, I feel that Something.

***

Larkin brings a hand up to my face and I press into him more, wanting this, wanting him. And then, I hear a cough.

I pull away, gasping for air to see Eddie looking at me with anger flashing in his eyes. For some reason, words come right to my mouth and I know how to handle the situation. "Larkin, can you take this pie to the dining room? Eddie and I will join you in a moment."

Once Larkin has left us I speak, not letting Eddie get the opportunity to make accusations. "Eddie, I saw you at the party last night. I saw you making out with that girl. And when I came into the kitchen crying you followed a little later and Clive tried to beat you up... But I stopped him."

Eddie's eyes change from furious to shame and guilt. "I... I can explain."

"No, you really can't. We're both unhappy, Eddie. We don't belong together."

Eddie sighs. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Gem."

I shake my head. "My name is Gemma. And, that may be true, but you did hurt me, Eddie. You could have just come to me and told me. I was going to go to you, but then you lied. I want to be your friend but I'll have a hard time forgiving you. Clive will have an even harder time."

Eddie shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Gemma. I really wanted this - us - to work. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am sorry."

I smile sadly. "I wanted this to work too, Eddie. But it's not right to force something that's obviously not meant to be."

"I think I'm just going to leave." He nods towards the doorway.

I nod. "That's fine. I'll see you around, Eddie."

He leaves the kitchen and I hear him bid goodbye to my family. Finally, I am happy... Or at least closer to being happy. I don't have the burden of that relationship hovering over me and I can simply breathe a sigh of relief.

And more than that, I have Larkin to help me figure out where my happiness can be found.

~~~

A/N: there's a pic on the side of Gemma just to remind you what she looks like :)

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- love always, Samantha <3