As A Stranger Or A Friend?: The Swallow And The Drowned Sailor

Mariel - 22 Evening Star, 1245 A.D.

The sky opened up, and a heavy rain began to fall. I let out a small yelp and tried to cover myself as I hurried back to my camp. With this rain, I would not be able to start a fire, so getting soaked could prove fatal, given how cold it was. I quickly ducked into my shelter and gasped as my feet became stuck in mud. It was completely waterlogged! It seemed one of the ropes of my makeshift tent had come loose from the branch I'd tied it to, freely letting in the rain as a welcomed guest. I frantically gathered my things, but it was no use. They were ruined! But what about—?! I gasped and dropped the blanket I'd been holding and patted my pockets hurriedly, sighing relief upon feeling the card tin safely inside one of them.

I knew that should not be the most important thing and that I should try to salvage what little I had, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I sat down and cried. The last few days had been challenging for me, and while I was keeping myself fed on the rations I'd brought along, I was barely making it. Even worse, my luck with foraging had been nonexistent. As it happened, this forest had such little light that nothing could take root, meaning there was nothing to live off of. I was so hungry it felt as if I had a cleaver wedged in place of where my stomach should be.

The thought occurred to me, and not for the first time, that I wouldn't be suffering now if I had not left his side. It was true that I was a burden on him, my opinion of that had not changed, but I couldn't lie and say that he didn't make shouldering it look easy. With him, I never had to worry about going hungry. I never had to wonder if there would be shelter over my head or be concerned about being able to sleep peacefully. And when things did worry or frighten me, he was there, ready and willing to be my source of comfort. What's more, he never purposefully tried to terrify or frighten me, and he'd not raised a violent hand to me the way the Third Prince had, despite how outwardly gruff he seemed.

Perhaps I had his feelings towards me to thank for his careful attention, but even so, I rejected him. There was no reason for him to continue with his custody of me after that, nor did he have a reason or obligation to be kind to me. He could have easily decided to abandon me, but he didn't. In fact, he did everything I asked of him after that and mostly without question. The only thing he resisted, of course, was my final request for us to go our separate ways, and that was surely because he knew that this was how things would end up.

Assessing it this way made me feel stupid. I remember thinking that he was all I had and that staying with him was my best chance at survival, but still I left! It was foolish to believe that remaining in hiding would be a simple task, even if I'd somehow managed it until now. I'd once had the benefit of having my face be unknown, and because of my anonymity, I'd been able to make a living as a governess, maid, and all of the other mantles I took on without being found out. But thanks to the Tour of Territories, everyone knew what I looked like now, so living in such hiding was no longer possible. That aside, when I'd first been taken away by the defector knights, they watched over me, cared for me, fed me, and clothed me, just as Axtapor had. Thanks to them, I managed to have some memories of happiness from that time, even if I was afraid, just as I'd had with Axtapor. But I'd been so vehement that he should not look after me...

And that word: happiness. It conjured the dream I'd had of him before. It was just as he'd said; I was not happy. But asking for both happiness and freedom seemed greedy for some reason. And even if I didn't feel that way, how could someone like me have both? Could that be possible?

"With you, it was..." I sniffled quietly, "I'm— I'm certain if you were here, you'd say something like, 'Belay yer cryin', ye humans be weak and slight!'" I wiped my tears and laughed pathetically.

What was I doing? Had I truly lost my mind? No. No, I hadn't. It was normal to yearn for the company of someone who was my only true friend.

"I miss you!" I sobbed harder, "But I—! I hope you are causing trouble for someone else now..."

I curled up in the only small dry space I could find and closed my eyes to sleep.

***

"Gather yer thin's and meet me at the docks on morrow's night." He whispered, "I will wait for ye."

"Why not now? Why must it be tomorrow?" I asked with some worry in my voice.

What if something happened between now and then? What if I was finally captured? What if we had been seen just now and did not live to see the sunrise?

"I must prepare, ey? Nay be afeared. I will free ye." He reassured me, stroking my cheeks gently with his thumbs.

I bit my lip to stifle my whimpering and nodded reluctantly. Rameses, Shanta, and all the gods give me faith in him now, just like the one I had in him back then.

"I'll be there. I promise."

He kissed me and then squeezed me tightly to him.

I pressed myself into him and realized I didn't want to let him go, but I had to. Just a little longer, and then I would be free.

"Goodnight, Mariel."

"Goodnight, Axtapor." I whispered softly.

With that, he disappeared into the night, leaving me behind with an anxious and restless heart that kindled something I hadn't felt in a long time: hope.