Maybe I Hate The Way I Am

Ch 5 - Recovery

TW: mental health issues

A/N: Major edits. (7-19-23)

Harry's POV:
My eyes watched Draco walk out of the Great Hall, except I could tell the smirk on his face wasn't real. It was slanted down and forming into a frown and I could see the corners of his mouth trembling.

As he walked out of the Great Hall I caught a glimpse of him stopping right in his tracks, and I hesitated for a couple minutes before I decided to see if he was alright.

But my breath got caught in my throat as I looked down at a blonde figure on the ground. Draco was passed out, but his well being was declining quickly. Shaking, sweating, shivering, my heart was stopping.

I panicked to my knees, "Draco? Draco! Draco please, please wake up!l

He didn't respond.

"Draco! Malfoy goddamnit!"

As I got a closer look at him I could see he was turning ghostly pale. Could he not breathe?

"Shit Draco," I stuttered, when did I care so much?

I slowly picked Draco up, surprisingly, he wasn't heavy at all. And I ran up to the hospital wing.

"Madam Pomfrey! Help please!"

"What is it dear- oh my!" She said as she took him from my arms and gently placed him on a bed.

"I-I found him like this outside the Great Hall, will he be alright?"

Madam Pomfrey looked from Draco to me and said, "Yes, he should be fine. This isn't the first panic attack I've seen."

Panic Attack? I thought, what happened during eating was so overwhelming that he had to step out? What did he possibly overthink?

Maybe he just needs someone to talk too. Someone to tell him that whatever's going on it'll be okay. To realize that the past is over with, and that its okay to move on.

3rd Person POV:

Draco woke up. Dazed, sleepy, but he was awake. And as soon as Harry heard the news he rushed over to the Hospital Wing.

"Draco!" but he was soon cut off by an irritated Madam Pomfrey.

"Now now dear, let the poor boy have a rest. He isn't in the most delightful mood currently, in fact I say this is the worse mood i've seen him in since 3rd year when he got attacked by that Hippogriff."

"But Madam Pomfrey-"

"Harry, dear, let Malfoy rest."

She sighed but continued to say, "Okay okay, but don't say I didn't warn you, he's quite cranky."

Harry ignored her warning and rushed to where Draco was trying to get some well deserved sleep.

"Draco! You're okay! I thought you might have-"

"Oh shut up will you! I didn't do anything! I didn't do it again! Give me a break!"

Harry was taken aback, and confused. "I'm sorry I-"

To his surprise, Malfoy let out a laugh. "You really thought!"

"Wha-"

"Oh same old Potter, can't even understand what a person says anymore! I said I was scared because of my stupid Dark Mark! I don't want more people to judge me because of my past now do I? I told you not to tell anyone because that would ruin me! Did you not understand that! Its quite simple, really."

Harry was to say the least, dumbfounded. He truly thought Draco was going through that again, he just wanted to help. What was happening?

"You're- you're so- I don't understand you! I nearly risked my own life to save yours! I just wanted to help! Even tried to get my mates to understand you."

Draco laughed once again. "Potter, I stargaze up on the Astronomy Tower every night. I mean the name literally has Astronomy in it. I wasn't going to fall if you hadn't startled me, and none of this would happen! I should have never told you anything."

The Chosen One was at a loss for words. How could he have been so stupid? It's Malfoy! Of course he would decline anything he would try to do for him.

But to Draco's relief, Harry was buying almost everything he said. Of course he burned it, and of course he wanted to jump. But most of what he said was true. He didn't really jump, he does stargaze a lot, and he does want people to see past the fact he has the Dark Mark. This was apart of Draco's recovery. Forget everything happened, and move on. He was stronger on his own, and without Potter nagging him about anything and everything, he could focus on schoolwork, and things he actually enjoys for once.

"Now leave me alone Potter, and you can take those clothes I wore, I can't even believe myself for wearing such muggle things." Draco scoffed at himself internally, he didn't care if things were muggle or not, but for the sake of his recovery he went along with it.

"You're just sad, Malfoy. You want to be alone and without help, struggling with yourself until something bad happens." He scowled, sadly. Harry grabbed the clothes and left.

Draco sighed and threw his head back on his pillow while taking a deep breath.

"It's okay Draco, just go back to how things were before. Everything will be fine." He thought, than slowly got up from the bed.

Malfoy put on his classic black suit in the wing's changing room and set off to Divination, sure he hated that class with a passion but it was funny to see what Trelawney gave Potter every time.

"Oi, Blaise! Parkinson!"

"My names Pansy, you doofus. But nice to see you again after you randomly left." Pansy scoffed.

Draco let out a real small laugh this time, "I was just feeling a little ill after seeing your ugly face." He stuck out his tongue as the trio walked into Divination.

"Hey!" Pansy scoffed and lightly hitting him with her book, but laughing at it the same while.

"And don't think I forgot about you Blaise, I felt so insulted when you said I was breathing like how could I do such a thing!"

The trio giggled like crazy until they got some looks, but they just gave the same sneer and continued to laugh.

Trelawney went around to each person to give them a prophecy, about what's to come in the future.

"Oi, Potter! Did yours say your going to die sometime soon?" Draco whisper-yelled.

Pansy scoffed and hit Malfoy, "Now now Draco, his mummy won't be very pleased with you in the afterlife if you say that!"

Harry's face turned a beet red.

"Oh shove off Malfoy, Parkinson! At least Harry's mum actually loved him!"

Pansy stopped laughing. "You little ginger cunt! Well at least my mum gave an effort to give me a life! Instead of barely getting a roof over my head-" She loudly mumbled the last part.

Draco couldn't help himself but snicker a small bit. It somehow felt nice that he was back with his friends sharing laughs. But he still felt an emptiness with it.

"Is this too much?" He asked himself. But he ignored the nagging feeling that something was wrong in the end.

Because he's Malfoy. Nothing is wrong. And if something was wrong, you laugh it off. It's called recovery.

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hello!! Thank you for being so patient with me, I did start writing this chapter the day I posted the last one, but again had no ideas nor motivation. But I will change up the other chapters so its better and makes more sense. SO GO REREAD THEM! Tell me what you think and maybe some ideas for the next chapter! Love you all and thank you for all the reads and votes<3
-Julia