His to Love (Carmel Springs Book 6)

Prologue

I didn't have a problem with being vulnerable. People had emotions, and I was no different. However, I hated it when people mistook my tears of anger for tears of sadness or shame. I very rarely felt sadness because I was grateful for every single one of my life's blessings, and I very rarely felt shame because I tried to live a life where I'd feel none.

So, the tears that were brewing in my eyes weren't because I was feeling like a victim, or because I wanted some sympathetic attention. My eyes were swimming with tears because I was enraged enough that I didn't know how to hold it all in. I was enraged enough that my body didn't know any other way to handle the onslaught of anger that was consuming me. Helplessness was not anything that I ever wanted to feel, but I felt it now. I felt it now, and I was furious about it.

Now, it wasn't that I hadn't expected this to some extent, but I'd been incredibly naïve in believing that it wasn't going to be as bad as it'd been in the past. We weren't in the fifties anymore; this type of shit wasn't supposed to happen like this. Yeah, I'd known what I was getting into when I'd chosen this profession, but it was clear that I had overestimated the character of today's culture.

Growing up with a single parent, I'd been taught what hard work was, and my mother had taught me the valuable lesson of just how unfair life was. I hadn't had any rich parents that were going to hand me the keys to the family business one day. I hadn't had wealthy grandparents that were going to let me live off the trust fund that they'd set up for me. I hadn't had two parents that had saved up for my college education to ensure that I'd get a leg up on life.

From day one, my mother had set the example of hard work and perseverance, and I couldn't be more grateful. I had no problem working hard for what I wanted, and I wasn't the type of person that got her feelings hurt easily. Sensitivity wasn't an option when determination drove you, and I'd always been driven to make sure that no one could ever knock me down to the point where I couldn't get back up.

So, fuck those guys.

Fighting back the tears, I knew that I didn't look like much upon first glance. However, that didn't give anyone cause to dismiss me upon meeting me. I had passed the police academy with some of the highest marks in my class, regardless of being only five-foot-one. While a lot of the men had passed the physical training easier than I'd had, I had still passed. I'd done everything right, and I deserved a spot on this force. I had earned it just like everyone else.

Still, none of that mattered anymore.

None of it mattered because Leyland Police Department was still stuck in the fifties, and these men weren't shy about letting me know it. Now, how their rudeness been limited to the jokes about my height and abilities, I would have continued to ignore it. Again, I'd never been the sensitive type. However, the more that I ignored them, the worse things got. No longer worried about my feelings being hurt, I was now worried that they might actually hurt me or let me get hurt.

"Do you honestly think that anyone's going to believe you, Officer?" Fernando asked, his voice as aggressive as any criminal's denials. "You chose a career guaranteed to have you surrounded by dick. Do you honestly think that anyone's going to believe that you weren't begging for it?" His hot breath had me ready to vomit. "Watch yourself, Officer. Most of the guys in this precinct are just dying to stick it to you and make you love every single second of it."

Staring into the mirror, my pride wasn't worth getting killed over. In all honesty, no matter if Fernando was serious or not, my biggest concern wasn't getting raped by one of my fellow officers. With forensics being what it was these days, I'd go out fighting, taking everyone down with me. Now, did I want to get raped? No. Still, that was preferable to being led into the darkest parts of the city with no backup. Leyland Police Department didn't want me here, and though wrong, this wasn't a hill I was willing to die on. There were more noble things to die for than your pride.

With the next two days off, I knew what I was going to have to do. I was going to have to quit or request a transfer, and both options sucked. It would look like I was giving up or running, and that stung. God, that stung so damn much.

There was also the issue of not knowing where I might end up. Would the next place be just as bad as LPD? Or would it be worse? Was I ever going to be accepted anywhere that I applied?

Letting out a deep breath, I turned on the sink, washed my face, then straightened my back and raised my chin. Looking back into the mirror, I did my best not to feel like a coward. Still, I decided to do what was best for me and not what was best for the person that I wanted to be.