We Can Help

Chapter Four

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Buck woke up in a strange room, it wasn't his, it was his bosses guest room. Which was less than ideal, he didn't cut last night which meant the urge was greater. Buck checked the time on his phone, 6:23 AM which meant he had about 30 minutes to get ready or he'd be late for his shift, there was no time for selfharm on his to do list.
Buck got his neatly folded clothes out of the laundry basket that appeared in his doorway over night, clearly Athena's doing, and put on his long sleeved uniform. Next he went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, hair, and gave his best fake smile.
It wasn't that he couldn't smile, in fact he often laughed and smiled at work, not all depressed people frown all day, he just felt to tired to act like, well 'Buck'.
The real issue was when he wasn't at work, when he was alone with his thoughts, when he wasn't saving lives, then he felt the need to hurt himself, hit something, bang his head off the walls, anything.
"Ah, good morning Buck, sleep well?" Bobby asked while sipping his coffee
"Yeah, fine." He said giving a small but genuine smile at Bobby's question
"Good morning, Bobby, Buck." Athena said giving Bobby a peck on the cheek and fixing her own plate of toast and eggs
"Oh, help yourself Buck" Bobby added
"Oh, thank you both, I'm gonna head into work early though" Buck said grabbing his keys and walking out the door before either could say anything.

On the way to work Buck listened to random songs on the radio and before long he got to work, only a few cars where there.
"Hey good morning buck!"
Buck looked up from the ground to see Chim smiling and waving as he walked in
"Your here earlier than usual whats up?"
"Oh, nothing" Buck said walking in and going to the bathroom.
Buck locked the door and sat down against the door, it had barely been an hour since he woke up but he was already exhausted.
Buck felt the urge to selfharm come on again quickly.
"Damnit I wish I brought my blade..." Buck thought.

And the thought stayed with him the whole day. On each call, each person he helped or live he saved, in the back of his mind he always wanted, longed for the blade.
But of course he was to busy to do anything with the thought.
"Hey Buck what are you thinking about?" Eddie said when the team was back at the fire house.
"... huh?" He said completely zoned out
Eddie chuckled
"Nothing, nothing, uh- hey, Buck, what uh- what are you doing tomorrow night...?"
"Uh.... Tomorrow- nothing, why?"
Eddie gave a nervous chuckle
".. I'm trying to ask you out..... to dinner?"
Buck flushed and looked down, he had completely missed any clues that Eddie might have romantic feelings for him.
"Uh- uh- yeah- yeah! Uh- Tomorrow night, at- 7?"
"Yeah 7 works for me, uh- where do you think we should go, I'm all for a fancy restaurant, but I think a night in, homemade dinner and a movie on my couch sounds fun too..." Eddie described a romantic date.
"Heh.... Yeah- I- I'd like a movie on your couch.............. uh... could we keep this to ourselves for awhile, it's kinda complicated when coworkers date"
"Yeah, for sure, I'll encourage Christopher to sleep over at a friends house" Eddie said smiling.

-

That afternoon Buck decided not to use his blade again, he was too Busy picking out clothes that said "it's causal enough to hangout but this is still a date and I look good" but not so causal that it said "I don't really see this as a date, more a lounge between friends on your couch"
So as anyone can see, this was a big deal, such a big deal infact that buck needed a second opinion.

Buck raced into the living room where Bobby and Athena were cuddled up watching some mindless tv show holding up two hangers, a white undershirt with a light orangey pink button up and a black cozy sweater.
"Hey.... Buck- uh- what's going on...?" Bobby asked giving him a questionable look when he ran in.
"Which one- Black, or Orange-Pink" Buck said seeming really excited.
"Uh, they're both good, but what's this for, how you dress for a job interview vs a day in the park differs" Athena spoke up
"Uh- I have a date tomorrow- it's just gonna be a little stay at home, on the couch thing" Buck said blushing but not mentioning that this date was a man or that he was his coworker.
"Oh! That's so great!" Athena said, "So it's gonna be just home on the couch huh.... I think the black sweater is better it's more cozy" Athena said looking like she was really weighing the options.
"I thought black was better too" buck said leaving to find some pants to match.

The rest of the night was a blur Buck picked out a cozy outfit that he really liked and he though Eddie would like too, he decided to wear one skimpy necklace, a chain, and that even if it was a romantic date he wouldn't kiss Eddie, and he wouldn't have sex either, kissing was for second dates and sex wasn't for 5th or 6th, atleast for Buck, as a self proclaimed sex addict, Buck didn't want to use Eddie like that, he liked Eddie, his pretty eyes, his perfect hair, Christopher, the smell of his cologne when Buck got a little to close just so he could get a smell, Eddie was perfect, and Christopher? Even more so.
The next day at work Buck seemed a little distracted, he was distracted by his date with Eddie.
The day flew by so much slower than Buck wanted but finally he got dressed and got to Eddies place.

Buck knocked on the door still unsure if his outfit was to casual or not.
Eddie opened the door in a similar casual outfit.
"You- uh, you look good" Eddie said a small blush appearing on his face.
"Oh, thanks, you- you look great too"
The tension in the air hung heavy as Buck and Eddie realized they didn't know how to go on dates very well.
"Oh! Sorry- come in!" Eddie said moving out of the way, it was now awkward.
Buck came in and smelled something delicious.
"That smells good, so- what movie are we watching?"
"Oh, uh- well I mainly only have kids movies for Christopher- and I don't know what you like, so you can pick from the cabinet..." Eddie rubbed the back of his neck.
Buck went over to the cabinet finding lots of Curious George, Dora, and Disney and Pixar movies such as 101 Dalmatians, Toy Story, all things a child would like, then on another shelf he saw a few adult movies, Die Hard, Fast and the Furious, 8 Mile, and the first Avatar movie, Buck saw it and took it out of the case
"You want that one? Okay, as soon as dinners done we can have popcorn and candy while we watch"

Eddie finished Dinner and the two sat down, both having only a single beer, it was delicious and they sat down for the movie, over the course of the movie Eddie got closer to Buck to the point where they were basically cuddling.
"I hate that guy, he should just leave them alone!" Buck said referring to the movie
Eddie laughed, "it wouldn't have much of a plot then would it?"
Eddie and Buck looked at each other and the world seemed to slow down, Eddie and buck simultaneously leaned in close, their faces only inches apart and their noses starting to touch.

"I'm sorry- I can't- I can't" Buck said pulling away.