I blankly stare out the window, my mind completely empty. I slightly listen to my grandparents talk but I mostly ignored them. I watch as the scenery changes from minute to minute.
Suddenly my thoughts begin to race.
Who am I? Where am I? This is my life! What's going on? We need to stay calm. I'm so confused. I feel lost. I feel hurt.
We need to stay calm.
I take a deep breath and steady myself. I look back out the window and notice the tree line. I take note of the setting sun. Everything is so pretty.
Why does it feel like I'm looking at everything with new eyes though?
***
As a friend and I drive to Walmart I decide to ask her if I've ever acted like different people around her. She looks at me odd then answers, " I don't know. Like sometimes you act super happy and excited but then you're depressing. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to different people especially when you word things differently than normal and do things differently."
I nod my head as I soak in what she told me.
***
I stare at my arm as I notice the cuts and bruises. I know how they got there, at least most of them but I don't understand how they've healed so fast. They happened just yesterday?
***
I walk down the halls of school and take note of the weird stares but otherwise mind my business. It's probably just my imagination.
**
I blankly stare at my phone. I look at the text messages I had sent just moments ago. Yet I feel like I never sent them. Like it wasn't me. Like it couldn't have been me.
I decide to look through old screenshots of old conversations and start to cry. Why would I say those things? It's like it wasn't even me that said those things. I barely even remember sending them.
***
I move my body to the music playing and try my best not to cry. I'm home alone and finally feel at peace. I don't know for how long I'll be home alone but I finally feel safe.
I clean the house a little so when they come back they don't yell at me. Otherwise I just sit and watch TV in the living room! The living room!!
It feels refreshing to be able to do stuff like this. It feels like I'm free.
***
I sigh as I look at the maps on my phone. I was never taught how to read them so it's a bit difficult to understand where I'm going to walk when I run away. I'd like to go to the biggest nearest city so I can just blend in and disappear.
My plan is to take the grand I had saved up and run away with a bag of some clothes and water and food when I turn 18 and just take off. I'm sick of feeling like a prisoner. I'm sick of feeling like a victim. I'm sick of always being scared of my life.
YOU ARE READING
Perspective
Nonfiksi*DID is a complex disorder with no one way of being. Misinformation is spread about DID everywhere. Hopefully with this book we can clear some things up about the disorder* I lose moments of time. Nothing huge maybe just minutes of my day and then I...
