Playboi's Bunny

27. Zayne

January 8th, 2022

I feel sick to my stomach.

Bein' in a new country, I been tryin' so hard to leave the past in the past. But Sahara's need to know about Ari and Rozay ain't doin' shit but bringin' up feelings I'm tryin' so hard to bury.

"Why you wanna know that, Sahara?"

Sahara sits up and shakes the sand from her hair. Then she leans back on her elbows and gazes at the moonlight shinin' on the dark ocean water.

"Because it's still messin' witchu, whatever happened."

"How you figure that?" I ask quietly.

"Some nights you sleep, other nights you don't. And when you do sleep, you talk and cry. Plus, I know you hit the bottle the way you do for a reason."

Damn, I'm stunned into silence. I swallow hard and force myself not to cry, thinkin' of all three of my girls who ain't wimme no more.

I did some fucked up, grimy ass shit and I'll never be able to get past it.

"Just talk to me, mama."

My stomach flutters as my breath hitches in the back of my throat.

"I did some fucked up shit..."

"I've done some fucked up shit, too. Just talk to me."

So I take my time over the next thirty minutes and fill her in on the last couple of years of my life, with and without my love, Ari. I tell her all about Rozay and Lori, the rat poison used to take Rozay's life and the bullet that caught Lori off guard.

By the time I'm done talkin', my body is shakin', tears blur my vision and I'm close to throwin' up but damn, it feels good as fuck to finally get the words out.

I can't tell what Sahara is feelin' or thinkin' when our eyes meet a few seconds later. So I hold my breath and wait for her to say somethin'.

"Ion think you did nothin' grimy, I think you was lookin' out for you." She says after a minute of silence.

I cock my head to the side and raise an eyebrow.

"Nah, baby I definitely did some grimy shit. Yeah, I was lookin' out for me but I ain't have to pop my bitch the way I did." I look down, ashamed that I took my best friends life so easily.

"Maybe, maybe not. But one thing I know about loyalty is eventually, it's gon' wear out if they wasn't really ridin' for you in the first place. You did whatchu thought you had to do." Sahara says as she reaches out to interlace our fingers together.

"And now all I can see when I sleep is them. I hear them. I feel them. Sometimes, I can still taste them. Lori wants you to do me so fucked up just because of the way I did her. And I get it. I deserve whatever life throws at me, at this point." I bite my tongue as the final words fall from my mouth.

She puts a finger under my chin and lifts my head gently. The whole time her eyes burn into me, my heart stops beatin'.

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much 'bout what the dead want. This yo life and yo life only."