Lost In My Mind

The House

We sat there, laying on our backs, looking at the ceiling.

"This is the craziest thing I have ever done..." I say turning at Marcus.

"Same here." He says laughing and turning back to look at me.

I lied there looking at Marcus until I finally looked back at the ceiling. I don't know what I'm doing. Why did I let him in my house? My mind is crazy sometimes.

Marcus starts to move his hand towards mine. NO. Stop.

I move my hand away.

"I'm sorry Marcus, but I think you should leave." I say slowly getting up.

"Oh, ok yeah." He says getting up.

"I'm sorry." I say again.

He gets his shoes on and starts for the door. He looks behind him before he leaves. He has a look of sadness in his eyes, then walks out.

I stand there in silence until I suddenly start screaming at the top of my lungs. I run to my room and throw everything off my bed and practically destroy my room.

WHY HOLLY?! WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE?

I slam my hand into my bed and scream in my pillow. This was the first time a guy had actually been nice to you. The first time a guy hasn't been a jerk to you, and you let him leave. HOLLY I HATE YOU!!!

I couldn't remember what had happened last night but I must have blacked out. I look at my clock and notice it's 6:13. I have to get up.

I get up and look at myself in the mirror. I look like crap, but at this point, I don't care anymore.

I put on a black sweatshirt and some leggings. I pull my hair up into a messy bun and I put just some mascara on. I didn't feel like eating breakfast, so I just go and lay on my couch. I look up at my ceiling and just about burst out crying, remembering the night before.

I pull out my phone to check the time. 6:47... I get up and get my shoes on. I get in my car and sit there staring at the steering wheel. I decide to get coffee to get the thoughts out of my head.

I drive until I reach the local coffee shop. I get out and walk into the shop. I walk to the front and order myself a iced mocha. I pay for my drink and am about to leave when I see Marcus walk through the door.

I freeze in my tracks. He looks at me but doesn't say a word. All he does is look away and walk past me.

I walk out the door and get in my car and slam the door. I put my head in my hands and start to let out a silent scream. I really am hating myself at this point

I really didn't want to go to school, but I had to. I get to school and walk in. I try not to make eye contact with anyone. I know they are judging me on how I look right now. I still don't care. I walk to my locker and slowly pull out my folders and notebooks. I really don't feel like talking to anybody.

The rest of the day I never talked. I didn't even look anybody in the eyes. I was going to hate it when I had to go to English. I really didn't want to know what Marcus was thinking of me at this point.

I slowly walk to English. I sit down. I see Marcus walk in.

"Hey Marcus." I say with a little wave.

He doesn't say a word but sits on the other side of the room.

I look down at my hands.

Mrs. Charles was giving us a lecture on sensory writing, but I didn't pay attention to her. She seemed disappointed when I didn't volunteer to read my poem.

The bell finally rang and I was the last one out of the classroom. I tried to find Marcus. He's by his locker. I start to walk over there, pretty nervous I might add.

"Hey Marcus. English was pretty boring huh?" I say.

"Yeah." He replies coldly then walks away.

I stood there. Frozen. No words or thought came into my mind. I just went blank.

That's when I started to run. I ran out of the school and got into my car. I started the engine and drove. I didn't know exactly where I was going. I just needed to get away from that prison of a school.

I ended up driving to the other side of town and ended up in the woods. There was no more road, so I parked the car and got out. I started to run. I ran as far as I could until my legs became jello and I was out of breath.

Although I was out of breath, I started screaming again. I screamed until my lungs gave out. I fell to the ground, exhausted.

So there I was. Lying on the ground gasping for air. When did my life bring me to this?

I began to shiver. I looked up at the sky and notice the sun going down. The sunset was amazing. Funny how there is still beauty in this huge mess of a world.

I remembered I still had my bag on my back from school. I took it off and opened it. I had a sweatshirt stuffed at the bottom.

Thank God you're a forgetful person and didn't bring this home.

I put it on and search through my bag some more.

I find some candy bars and a notebook and pencil.

I open the wrapper of the candy bar and begin to munch on it while opening my notebook. I begin to write a poem...

This world is do beautiful but yet so destroyed

There's love and joy but yet war and crimes

And there's this like a void

That's filled with the bad times

We try to let it go

But it always crawls out

You try to catch it but it won't let you do so

And so you let it sprout

Then the world just comes crashing down

And there's nothing you can do but to go with it

You begin to drown

And you just fall into the pit....

I look down at my poem. I really didn't understand what it meant. It just kinda felt right.

I lie on my back and look at the night sky and look at the stars. Reminds me of my home... Which I didn't want to think about at the moment.

My eyelids became heavy and I slowly drifted off to sleep.....