I've never been in a relationship....
I've never been held
I've never been told the simple words
(I love u )
I've never put face masks on and laugh while watching a movie with popcorn and chocolate
No one has put a necklace over my neck
I've never been seen
........
I want a relationship so bad
But I'm scared
I'm scared of rejection
I'm scared that I'm going to love a little bit to hard
I'm scared they will only "love" me for shits and giggles
I'm scared I will just be a game
I'm also scared I would hurt the person I claimed to love I have bad anger
And depression
I have BPD and I will snap and yell even if I love u alot
Half the time I can't get out of bed
How am I supposed to help them if I can't help myself
I've never been taught the right way to love
It's always been yelling and screaming
O r it's all fake
They say it dad is ur first example of how a MAN is supposed to treat his girl yet the first thing my dad taught me was fear
He taught me to fear men
And he won....
I can't speak to guys with out nearly having a panic attack inside or crying ..
I can't stand by a guy without being scared I'ma get hurt
Is it bad I don't believe in love probably but it's not my fault I look at life and wonder why the hell I've never been loved properly why my whole life has been nothin but negativity
I just wish someone can show me that love is real and isn't just my imagination playing tricks on me.....
