She was thirteen years old, 5'1 at 180 pounds. Her parents got divorced when she was five... she was pretty sure it was her fault. She had been overweight ever since grade one. She had been called fat, ugly, and had no real friends. She was bullied all through elementary school, forced to believe these hurtful words because they were all true. That's why no one liked her, right? She had a few friends through middle school, though she wasn't sure why they even liked her.
Then she discovered the Internet. She was thirteen, but online she was fifteen. She was fat, but online she could be skinny. She found this picture of a gorgeous girl online and told all of her online friends it was her. She was finally beautiful.
She met him on December 31, 2011. It was on this chat app called Kik. He said he was thirteen, she told him she was fifteen. She always loved the idea of a "younger guy". His name was Noah. She liked him from the start. He would talk to her 24/7. He called her beautiful, gorgeous, and amazing. When they were just friends! And for once in her life she felt wanted. One day he was acting weird. She wondered why. It figures he was so nervous because he wanted to ask her out. Of course she said yes!
Even though they could not touch or hear, just type, it meant the world to her.
He said "I love you." She returned it. Every single day he would remind her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, and how much she meant to him. He said everything a girl dreams a guy would say to her. She was the happiest girl in the world.
She started to ditch her friends, and hid in her room on her iPod all day, talking to him. But she was happy like that.
Little did she know, day by day he was getting tired of her. But she was so lost in her own happiness, drowning him with all of her love, that she was too stupid to notice.
One month went by. Now she was the one saying "I love you," and reminding him how much she cares. But he didn't care. He was too busy with basketball and soccer to pay much attention to her anymore. Even his friends came before her.
One day he said they needed to talk. And it hit her. It hit her like a tsunami, flooding and ruining her beautiful, joyous city. Every hint, every time he didn't return the compliment or the "I love you." He was breaking up with her. She begged and pleaded for him to stay. She couldn't breathe. She wanted... she needed him to stay.
It wasn't because no one that actually knew her wanted her. It wasn't that she was insecure. It wasn't even how good he made her feel! She loved him. He was perfect. He was brilliant, funny, quirky, and so very handsome.
But it was obvious he didn't feel the same. "Let me go," he messaged her. It took everything she had, but she let him go. She cried for a whole day.
She would've cried for longer, but her online best friend Austin was there to comfort her. He was very good looking, and he loved the online her. She was glad she had him. Now she was single, so he flirted with her all he wanted. Even though he had a girlfriend, he loved to sweet talk her. And it made her feel good.
Then, coincidentally, his girlfriend broke up with him. He asked her out.
Now, this boy had problems. He cheated on every one of his girlfriends. And he had plenty. He was depressed and addicted to sex. He had been passed around in foster care because he wasn't eighteen yet and no one wanted him. He had tried multiple times to kill himself. But once he met her, she always convinced him not to.
So she said yes. Because somehow he was perfect. He was her best friend, so why not? She didn't care much at first, just happy she had a boyfriend again. But soon, she fell in love. She was totally and completely in love with all of his flaws, problems, and quirks.
Within a month he cheated on her over ten times. She cried every single time, but the only person she had to go to was him because he was her best friend. And she forgave him. Because who else would love her?
Then he met another girl. "She's a lot like you," he had sent. So he broke up with her. After all of the endless fights and making her cry, he was the one to break it off.
She cried for days. She wasn't the same. She used to be so strong, she almost never cried. Now she was crying over guys who were barely real. She was broken.
She went back to her old crush, Eric. Everyone said they should go out, she could only wish. Everyone said he liked her, she could only dream. Long story short, it turns out he loved her best friend the whole time.
She met another guy over the summer. Not perfect, but decent. He even called her pretty. He was in love with her best friend too.
Then one of her closer friends, Surya. They spent a lot of time at this watermark over the summer where she fell for him. It seemed obvious that he liked her too. But when a friend that she trusted told him, he just rejected her like everyone else.
Finally, it's time for her first high school homecoming. She had lost some weight by then. She was so nervous. Did she look okay? She must have looked amazing because there she met the guy of her dreams. They talked a lot. He held her hand. They even slow danced at the end of the night. That's when he kissed her.
It's been a little over five months now. Their relationship is hanging by a thread because she is still broken. She is never happy because the things those boys did haunt her every day. She loves him so much. But she cannot seem to trust him because of her scars. She hates making him miserable when she is just so scared. He is better than all of them, she is just to blind by fear to realize that. He is wonderful. She is just so scared of getting hurt again.
When a girl is used to getting hurt, she won't know how it feels when a man starts to appreciate her, so she ends up pushing him away.
Don't let me push you away.
