Chapter 1

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A/N: This is my first Soukoku fanfic, please do not be mad, if there are any mistakes i will try fix them in the future, i havent wrote fanfics in ages and i hope this one is good.

Dazai POV:

I wake up and check my phone. It reads 10:34AM. 'Of course im fucking late.' I groan and then get a weird feeling in my stomach making me twist and turn, making it harder to get out of bed.
"The actual fuck. For fucks sake." I groan, I smile slightly and then get up. 'The fuck was that, that isnt normal.' I mumble quietly to myself.

I go into the bathroom putting on my clothes and glancing at where the hidden razor is and then walking away to the front door. I leave my apartment and head on to the Agency, its not far from the apartment at all.

Time passes and its now 10:48AM, i open the door to the agency only to be welcomed by Kunikida's anger.

"OSAMU DAZAI YOU ARE 2 HOURS AND 10 MINUTES LATE, YOU KNOW HOW BAD THIS IS? START GETTING HERE ON TIME!" Kunikida growls and i sit down.

"Ohhh, kunikida, no reason to beee such a meanieeee, I thought you wouldd be use to it by nowww~" I mock slightly and spin around on my chair, Atsushi then starts talking.

"He is right, Kunikida, i mean he is just like us right? Let him be late" Atsushi smiles warmly at me and walks back to his desk.

Its no suprise, as usual, Kunikida keeps on protesting on why its bad that im late all the fucking time.
I put my head down and start to think, i get distracted by the butterflies in my stomach, I know this isnt normal. I look up at the Port mafia roof and sigh.
"Maybe i need fresh hair." I mumble quietly to myself.

"Dazai san are you okay?" Atsushi seems worried.

I look at him and smile, "Of course im okay Atsushi, why wouldnt i be?" I then nod.
'For fucks sake, i would never say that, what the fuck was that.' I think to myself

I groan and walk out the armed detective agency building, Kunikida shouting at me on my way out. I decide to head to the Port mafia roof by sneaking inside.
I go behind plants and desks slowly making my way upstairs, then im there.

I sit at the edge of the building with my feet dangling in the air. I dont plan staying here long since ill probably get caught but why does that matter.
"I remember when i had to leave you, Chibi.. Im sorry." i mutter under my tired breath randomly and trace my finger on the roof.

I realise I'll probably never be able to talk to him again, Is that whats been bothering me. I play with my finger nails for a little while.

I grab my phone from my pocket and look at the time, Its 12:10PM, i must've been up here for a while.

Its all your fault. Osamu Dazai. You are a horrible person, its all your fault that everything has happened.
I hear those words in my head and immediatley shove my hand in my pocket and grab a gun.

"Stupid voices.. These fucking stupid voices." I shout slightly as ive been having them a while.
I put the gun to my head slightly and put my finger on the trigger, grinning slightly.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DAZAI? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" A short, familiar, red headed guy runs up to me and slaps me hard, taking the gun out of my hand.

"Oh, Chuuuyyaaaaaa~ Heyyyyy~" i say it as if im singing a melody.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?" Chuuya slaps me again, trying to get some sense into me. "YOU DONT JUST COME ONTO THE DAMN PORT MAFIA ROOF AND TRY TO KILL YOURSELF WITH A FUCKING GUN!"

Awkward silence fills the air after that.

"Sorry chibi~" i mock slightly, but then quickly stop as im not in the mood.

The red haired boy sits next to me and stares at me.

"Well, you stupid Mackerel, what was that for?" He looks concerned and annoyed when i look at him.

"Well yknow, trying to kill my self? Isnt it obvious-"

"Well, yes, but i thought they were all fucking jokes, Dazai."

"I'd rather not talk about it Chuuya." This is one of the first times i was fully serious in ages.
"Im just gonna go now."

I quickly make my way downstairs and manage to get out the port mafia without anyone noticing, i then head back to the Armed Detective Agency and go inside, ignoring Kunikida and everyone else as i sit down and put my head on the table.

I listen to everyone shouting and screaming and then everything goes muffled as the voices come back.

Your so stupid, trying to kill yourself on the Mafia roof, is that the reason you went up there? To find chuuya? Pfft, pathetic, he is probably never gonna be able to trust you again after seeing you try to kill your self infront of his eyes, he HATES you now, and you know it, just kill yourself somewhere else where he cant find you, you suicidal shit.

Atsushi taps me on the back and i quickly look back at him.

"Dazai san are you okay? It looked like you just fell asleep then or something, you didnt answer back to Kunikida Kun or anything." Atsushi looks quite concerned.

I dont understand why he would look concerned tho, its not his problem.
"Im fine, dont worry." i groan and put my head back on the table, overthinking what i just tried to do.
'I knew i shouldn't of tried ending it on that fucking roof.' i say to myself.

My phone pings and i look at it, It was chuuya.

Chibi🧡 : What was happening, meet me at the roof and talk about it please.

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1011 Words

A/N: Thank you so much for reading the first chapter, i really hope it isnt as cringe as i think it will be, anyway im prob gonna do chapter 2 now, sorry if they are short, i keep running out of ideas quickly.

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⏰ Last updated: Dec 03, 2023 ⏰

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