Making decisions

Chapter 1: The tearful memmories

Life is the most difficult when you loose the ones dearest to you, in my case it's my mum...she died a few years back but it still feels like yesterday, that one night everything changed, I was on the sofa watching a show on tv after it ended I called for my mum but no answer I just assumed she might have gone upstairs so I went to the kitchen to switch off the lights as I was about to switch it off I screamed , there on the kitchen floor was my mum lying motionless on the floor..I called our to her but no answer I thought maybe she might have feinted as it did happen before when we were younger but this time she wasn't moving or responding. When she wasn't responding I screamed the most deafening scream, I was in shock. It was so loud that my uncle came downstairs to the kitchen and asked what happened and was shocked at what he saw. I cried I couldn't believe this, my sisters woke up and saw mum lying in the floor and we're panicking. I called the ambulance, they kept asking me questions that I didn't know much about I just wanted them to get here fast. When they arrived I was ready with my coat on but at that precise time my dad came with my older uncle and they went with the ambulance instead and I stayed back.

I kept hoping for her to be back and well, I kept positive and thought that she might have feinted and she would be back with us but no sight of that. That day I had so many phone calls from family and relatives, explaining it to them was driving me crazy I had so much to deal with. Later on my uncle came and took us to the hospital and we were in the waiting room then the doctor came and called us in to see her. She was lying in the hospital bed with a life supporting machine plugged in, it wasn't the state I wanted see her in, I was scared to see her like this, scared maybe I'll loose her forever but I had some hope that she would be ok then as I went near her a tear trickled down her cheek it's as if she could hear me, feel all emotions and couldn't see us like this, it made me relieved because I thought she might be ok.

We had to go back to the waiting room and then my mums sister arrived crying and then she went in to see mum and came back and we all waited then my other aunt (my dad's sister) began to cry so much, something seems different about her cries. It just seemed like bad news, I asked her why she was crying but she wouldn't tell me but I understood, mum didn't make it.... I could see it in her eyes but I refused to believe it I said "this can't be true, she isn't dead" infortunately it was the truth and she had gone forever. I just I can't bring myself to even imagine that she had gone and left us, it just impossible for me to even imagine life without her, she would be there when I needed her and now things will change and I will be alone.

That day so many thoughts raced in my head, we went to the morgue to see her. off course she was dead but we all needed to see her. I went in and she was lying in the the hospital bed with her eyes closed, I couldn't find the words to say. I sat down beside her and stared at her face and thought all of this must be some sort of bad dream but reality was in front of my eyes, it seemed only yesterday she made us pizza and everything seemed normal until...I just could bring myself to say it. I looked at her face, it was pale; I gave her a soft kiss on her cheek and they were cold. I looked her and spoke knowing she couldn't hear me "mum why did you leave me? I need you. Please come back, I'm sorry for everything, please tell me off" I said crying. I knew it was impossible for her to come back but I thought they might be a miracle and I also knew she probably couldn't hear me. I didn't want leave her I had to be dragged out by my dad's cousin.

I couldn't forget what happened, days passed since her death but it was she died yesterday. There a lot of people around especially in her funeral, it was held in mosque, I looked in to the coffin and saw a cold pale faced woman and that was my amazing mother I gave her a kiss on her forehead and let her go then she was taken to the muslim cemetery. That wasn't quit the end of that her memories were still in my heart and mind and could never forget them no

matter how hard I tried, even today I yearn to see her again. It had been two weeks and I didn't go to school they gave me time for my loss. I just didn't want to talk to anyone, my friend called and I told her not to call me again angrily, I wasn't thinking straight. Her mum called and asked why I spoke like this and my dad explained what had happened and apologized for me, of course they understood. Days went by I couldn't believe what had happened it all felt like a bad dream, mum must be upstairs ironing I kept telling myself but the truth is she's not here anymore.

After two weeks I went back school, everything seemed different for me but for everyone else probably the same. I'd walk past and see people laughing, talking and hangout with their friends at break and lunch times, it made feel even more lonely, no one knew anything but the teachers did, they kept asking if I'm ok in every lesson. Of course I'm not ok, who would be ok if they had lost their mum! I thought. But I just replied that I'm fine, it was hard in school; everyone treated me in a way that made feel worse. It was different when mum was around at least I had her but now I have two things that make me feel more lonely and down and That's mum and the kids at school. I'm a very quiet person at school, because of that they all treat me unfairly. As if I didn't have enough to deal with and now this..

It's all just all so surreal, one minute everything's normal and the next everything's changed, it's as if all my all my world was falling apart. I have learnt to live with the harsh reality and have got on with my life but there is not a day that I can forget the most beautiful woman in my life my mother.