Hardest Part of Moving Away

States Away

        You replaced me.
Maybe you dont think you replaced me, but you did.

You tell me Im all you want

I was supposed to be at that wedding, your focus, your distraction.
You arent used to wearing a dress, or having your nails done. It was my job to make sure you felt comfortable; beautiful.

You invited her, your new focus, your new distraction.
You told her, you needed her incase you started spinning. Incase you felt insecure.

Am I supposed to be happy for you?

When I left, I was torn. I didnt want to leave.
Our last fight was detrimental enough to scare me. I had to get out.
We were aggressive, mean.

You left a hole in the bedroom door demanding to be let in.
I broke the bathroom door trying to get away.

2 months went by with no contact. I was single, I couldve looked. I was on dating apps but I deleted them every other day.

I was lonely, I still am yet the thought of somebody else's fucking fingers running down my back or through my hair could've made me puke.
I went through uncomfortable nights. Im still going through uncomfortable nights. I moved 4 hours away from anything that felt like home, my days are even uncomfortable. I couldn't bare the thought of moving on from you and meeting somebody new. I feel guilty even making new friends!

It took you a month into no contact, not even.
You searched for somebody. You fucking met her.
Now all of a sudden you're there every single night. Somedays you're there the second you get off work.
You're making promises to her kids.
Her husband sleeps on the couch for you to cuddle up with her in bed!
And now, not even knowing her longer than 3 months she's invited to the closest person in your life's wedding?!

In place of me.

All this talk about wanting to work on us and go to therapy to be together in the end.. feels wrong.

It feels so fucking wrong knowing that 3 years together, only took you a single month.

I moved in February. Its now May. Damn near 4 months since I've moved and I feel like I cant breathe all over again.

I dont know how to be okay with this anymore.
I'm not happy for you.

Im pissed. Im hurt.

I know it was my decision to leave, but we were killing eachother. We were so unhappy by the end..
I just dont understand how 3 years equates to 1 month.
I feel disgusted. I feel worthless.

I still said I love you

What is wrong with me?