Kpop Sickfics / Hurtfics

💜 Hoseok - Fading Sunshine - Part 1

// TW: mentions of depression, eating disorder, self-harm, suicide //

Please don't read, if you're struggling, take care of yourself

~ Hoseok's POV ~

I don't know what's up with me lately. I don't have the energy to dance, hang out with the others, all I want to do is lay in my bed, scrolling through my phone. I'm always tired, sad and unmotivated.

Well, that's a lie: I know what's up with me. The doctors and the members say it's depression, and an eating disorder. But why? I have always been a cheerful, happy person, why is this happening to me? Is it the constant stress? The never-ending hate? The comments about my body and appearance? The pressure, to always keep putting out content and songs, so our fans wouldn't leave us?

I guess, I have my answer.

- Hobi-hyung, dinner is ready... - Jimin opened my door. He already knew my answer.

- I'm fine, but thank you. – I didn't even look at him, I could already see how disappointed he was.

- But I made it just for you, please, just take a bite... - He knew my struggles, he has been through it. I took a deep breath, and looked up at him.

- Fine... - I didn't want them to worry. We went to the dining room, where the others were already waiting. I took my seat, next to Yoongi and Jimin, and looked at my plate. A small piece of chicken, with some plain rice and a few slices of cucumber. I quickly did the math in my head, and decided, that it was too much.

You can't break you fast now, only two more days. You really can't stop yourself from stuffing your face, Hoseok? Just think of all the weight you're going to lose...

- Hyung, just a bite... - Jimin whispered to me, so the others wouldn't hear. I grabbed the chopsticks, and with a trembling hand, I took a small bite of the rice. 25 calories. Somehow, I swallowed it, but immediately regretted it. – There you go, aren't they nice?

I have to get it out. I ate too much. Too much. I'll be so fat. I have no self-control. That's why I'm a fat pig. No one will love you like this, Hoseok.

Tears were flowing down my face, as I stood up, the chair falling behind me. I ran to my room, and I could just hear the others yelling after me. All I could think about, is that bite of rice in my stomach, slowly turning into more fat. I collapsed onto the ground, holding my head, sobbing uncontrollably.

I heard knocks on my door, I heard people talking behind me, I felt someone rubbing my back. They lifted me from the ground, onto my bed, and covered me with blankets. I was still covering my face, but I had a feeling, that Jimin was involved.

- Hyung, look at me, please. – Of course, it was him. – I know exactly, what you're feeling, and I know how awful it is. Please, talk about this with your doctor, okay? We are here to help, but they know, what to do. You're fading away in front of us...

He sounded so broken, so hurt. I nodded, but only so he could calm down. I had no intention to get help anymore.

~ 3-day time skip ~

Except for that little bit of rice, I managed to fast throughout the whole of last week. I thought I would feel good, that I did it, but for some reason, I still felt awful and unhappy.

The others were always walking on eggshells around me now. They knew, that one bad word or even bad look, could set me off, and make me spiral. The only one, who I really tolerated next to me, was Jimin.

- Hyungie, breakfast? – He walked into my room, holding a small bowl of carrot sticks. He has been trying restlessly to make me eat. – Here, have one! Jin-hyung brought them yesterday, and...