𝓻𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓪

prolouge

 avyan pov

 ''biddāga ninn'a kaigaḷinda tale muchko naie.'' 

my mother told me once when I came home with a bruise on my scalp after falling on the side of the road pushing our flower cart. roughly translating to ''cover your head with your hands when you fall, you dog.''

 I try to keep it in mind as I fall,my whole world falling with me

aderyn pov

November 16 3023criminal avian anand arrested at age 26 for 1st degree at 2:33am yesterday the reporter states loudly to the camera.a million thoughts race across my mind a tornado of confusion stirs in my brain but one statement blares through the chaos, innocent.Innocent.my legs stay frozen as my subconscious urges me to run to him to tell them what really happened last night but my consciousness defies it they could never know. if they know id be cast away, hated upon I would be the disgraceI could never go back to that.I refuse.as I stand there untangling the word vomit running through my head a voice I know breaks through. his.''TELL THEM BABY! TELL THEM!! IM INCONNECT CMON!!'' he pleads as we connect eyes he watches as I don't respond and his face falls.''please.. don't let them take me.. tell them..please..'' he looked at me his eyes with sorrow sharp enough to crack glass how could I let them take him away? how could I betray him when I could still feel his lips on my neck when I could still hear his short pants in between my thighs, when I could still picture his smile when I asked him to stay the night.but yet that's exactly what I did I watched as they put my lover in handcuffs and shoved him in the back of the police car and as they drove off his eyes caught mine as he watched me in defeat.how could I pick between love and fame?

avyan pov

he didn't move?

he didn't try?

he didn't care.

how could he.. when they didn't either. no one ever does. do they?

maybe hope is just a butterfly

she lets you watch her in all her beauty as she reaches higher and when you finally leap to catch her she flies away maybe we can never reach hope, maybe we can never be hope. 

because hope is a lovebomber.

she let me believe this angel perfectly pristine fell into my lap with his angelic voice and darling charm and was meant for me like it was the universe apologizing to the younger me...every wronged child believes the universe owes us like we deserve some compensation for our pain for everything we never received, every time we watched the other kids in misery in hatred with their perfect families and rich houses and all of their fucking fucking happiness. because our minds need a reason to keep us from killing ourselves. Hope is a disgusting vile creature yet we can't help but love it because just

 just 

what if it came true.

so I watch him get smaller and smaller through the window

and I hope he picks me.