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Familiarity and love are utterly different yet totally the same. When I look in his eyes I see it, he can not love me the way I want him to.
I will always be second to her. His eyes forever and always will be only on her.
He is memorized by the way her hair flows in the wind and her sweet vanilla scent. No matter how hard I tried to be better, there was no point. She will always be better than me at everything.
I wouldn't say I necessarily hated Annie, but I was definitely jealous of her. I have loved Armin ever since we were kids, always trying to catch his attention.
Of course we were friends but I wanted to be more. He just didn't want that, and I needed to accept that.
There is no point in trying to force someone to love me, I would only be hurt in the end when I found out their love isn't genuine. Yet the fault would 100% be mine.
I did this to myself after trying for years and I knew the ending all along. If I knew the ending, why did I try so hard to change it?
When I see the two together, I guess it makes total sense since they are perfect for each other. She's everything I wanted to be, and so much more.
It makes me happy to see him smile so big with her and laugh so loudly at her jokes. I'm truly happy for him to be able to find someone to be that comfortable around.
He deserves all the happiness in the world, it just makes me sad knowing I couldn't be the one to give him that.
I slowly walk back to my room, thoughts clouding my mind make it hard for me not to cry.
7 years. I've tried for 7 years to try to get his attention and it only took her 4. Not even, she was frozen for a majority of the time.
I was angry and confused and sad all at the same time.
All these emotions make it hard to calm down.
I opened the door to my room and went straight to my bed. I hugged myself into a ball, softly crying to myself.
If only I stopped trying when I knew he didn't feel the same. I finally stopped trying because I realized the ending will never change.
In the end I realized that I was looking too far into the problem, because it had always been here, inside of me.
I guess in the end trying to stay afloat was pointless because I never knew how to swim in the first place.
