Jaana : The Girl He Loved Too Much

Chapter 30

His first love, so my guess was right, she wondered. This was the girl Faizan told me about. She didn't react though, just looked at him searching his eyes for love, care, admiration something for the girl he just claimed as his first love but there was nothing. Strange she felt, how come you see your first love and your eyes don't give away your fluttering heart. But they were empty because he didn't feel anything for her. She meant nothing to him. She was the reason behind his brutality, his coldness.

He looked at her photo and then at Sitara, witnessing the big question marks in her big eyes he thought of telling her the truth. His Jaana deserves to know. She is not just a part of his life. She is his life, and she should know about someone who has ruined his life.

"Firdaus was the woman who taught me what is love, how to take care of someone, what are relationships, and how are to give up everything to carry on those relationships" He said memorizing his childhood as he grazed a finger at her photograph. "She was also the woman who taught me how to betray in love, how to stab the innocent heart that worships her like God, and stomp on its hundred pieces" his fingers gripped the photograph and her lips formed a smirk that brought out the emptiness in his eyes even more.

"My father was an Imam in the mosque."

"WHAT?" She blurted listening to this. Her astonishment was too much to keep him going. "I-I mean, I-am sorry, I didn't mean to shout," she explained, realizing how loud her voice was, but how was it possible for her not to scream. The man is an atheist. How can the son of the priest be an atheist. He laughed, looking at her confused face. He reached closer to her and shuffled her hair a bit at her cuteness. "I-I thought you didn't believe in Allah,"  she said in a low voice. "Hmmm... you remembered that, do you remember that I told you that I recited more kalmas than your age?" he asked, lifting her chin, and she nodded. "Jaana, my father was the priest at the mosque at least for sometime, he left the job after my mother died. People said he couldn't forgive God for taking her away from him. He kind of succumbed to everything that was against his preaching because he was angry that after giving his life in the service of Allah, he took the only thing he cherished." he told her.

"She....she is very beautiful," Sitara said, appreciating her beauty, reaching towards the photograph. She was having mixed feelings for her. It wasn't music to her ears that her husband loved someone else that too the husband who loves her like a crazy maniac. It wasn't easy for her to picture Shahzain going all crazy for someone other than her. But it was the fact that the woman in the photograph had commendable beauty, and she couldn't resist her from not praising her. Also, she couldn't say anything about the revelation he made about his father, like what to say. She was contemplating how right or wrong it is to keep a grudge from Almighty. Isn't it a fact that you can't fight fate?

"Firdaus was young, beautiful, educated, religious, yet playful, high-spirited, fun-loving, who can blow your mind with her witty personality. She was outspoken. She lives on her own terms, challenging the society at every step, breaking the rules every second." He said the admiration for the girl who swooned him over for the first time was not hidden from Sitara. She saw him getting lost in her. "At least she was, until she got married." he said with a scoff. Sitara's eyes waivered from the photograph to Shahzain. Did she get married to someone else? This must have been hard for him, she thought with pity. "That's what I heard about her, and that's what I used to understand as much as I started to understand her." He told making Sitara's brows furrowed in confusion. Did he meet her after her marriage? His words made her think.

He moved towards the photograph and picked it up. She used to sit here at this window, for hours, she used to sing here. I never understood her song, but that song always used to bring peace, calmness in her eyes, and a tear that used to roll down looking outside. One day, I asked her what she likes seeing from here, why she doesn't go outside, and it's not like she is trapped inside. She smiled at me and said, "Shah, see those clouds, I believe that there is a world beyond those clouds, and one day I can go there and sleep in peace." I didn't understand it then, why she can't sleep in peace here, in this world but the only thing that I heard is she wanted to go far away from here and that made me distressed and I hugged her tightly saying Can I come along? and she laughed lightly, saying there is nothing more than you that I ever wanted in my life, yet the place I want to go is the last place I would want you to be. She tightened her hold around me.