Still The Good Girl?

Chapter 22

Who knew that packing could be the worse thing in the world. Especially when you are going to see your dying mother.

I grab my bag and put the pants that I have already had from coming of my visit here. I grab all the clothes I have ran through the was and start folding.

Ug! I really hate this silence. I can't deal with it anymore! I grab my phone and pull up my music. I scroll through my music and I click on "So Cold" by Ben Cocks. This song alway puts me into a state of bliss so it should help me get through packing.

Oh, you can't hear me cry
See my dreams all die
From where you're standing
On your own.
It's so quiet here
And I feel so cold
This house no longer
Feels like home.
ohhh... Mmmm
ohhh... Mmmm
Oh, when you told me you'd leave
I felt like I couldn't breath
My aching body fell to the floor
Then I called you at home
You said that you weren't alone
I should've known better
Now it hurts much more.
ohhh... Mmmm
ohhh... Mmmm
You caused my heart to bleed and
You still owe me a reason
Cause I can't figure out why...
Why I'm alone and freezing
While you're in the bed that she's in
And I'm just left alone to cry.
ohhh... ohhh
Yeahh... Yeahh
Yeahh... Yeahh... Yeahh...
ohhh... ohhh
Yeahh... Yeahh
Yeahh... Yeahh... Yeahh...
ohhh... ohhh
Yeahh... Yeahh
Yeahh... Yeahh... Yeahh...
ohhh... ohhh
Yeahh... Yeahh
Yeahh... Yeahh... Yeahh...
You caused my heart to bleed and
You still owe me a reasonh
I can't figure out why...
Why I'm alone and freezing
While you're in the bed that she's in
And I'm just left alone to cry.
Oh, you can't hear me cry
See my dreams all die
From where you standing
On your own
It's so quiet here and I feel so cold
This house no lounger
Feels like home.

By the time the song was over I had tears streaming down my face. Stupid song making me think of my mom dying.

I know you must be thinking 'why, it's just talking about her husband cheating on her and leaving her' and it's true, there is just some lines that make me think of my mom.

Like when it says something like 'this house no longer feels like home' it makes me think how when she is dead, I don't know how home isn't going to be with her any more. I'm going to have to find a new one.

I'm startled by a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Ryan looking concerned.

"Are you okay? You look like you were just crying" he says whipping my tears from my face. Aw, he is just too cute! And, he cares! I giggle at his action and my thought. "What?" He look genuinely confused.

"I was crying because a song reminded me about my mom" I say "but, I was laughing because the look on your face makes me know you care" I pull him down on the floor and hug him. "And because you are just to cute" I whisper into his ear.

"Hey! I'm not cute! I'm handsome!.. Or sexy, whichever you prefer" he say rambling.

"I like cute!" I say giving him a kiss on the cheek. When I look back at him his cheeks are red and he is speechless.

"You ready? Cause I still have to put some things away" I say leaning my head on Ryan's shoulder.

"Um, yea I'm all done" he says coming back to the real world. "Do you want me to halo you?"

"No I'm good, I don't have too much left of you want to get everything into the car and stuff" I say lifting my head so he can get up.

"Okay, well I'll leave you to it" he says leaving me to my peace. Great, now I'm left to my thoughts. They never lead to anything good. That little voice in my head always has something to say.