Beginnings and Endings (WIP)

Introduction

"In war everyone loses. This brutal truth can be seen in the eyes of every solider in every world." - Steven Erikson, Dust of Dreams.

"If we don't end war, war will end us." - H.G. Wells
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I don't remember what led up to the end. I remember our home rattling, the terror and sorrow-filled sobs my mother wept as her hands held mine and my sister's faces, our father with his arms wrapped around all of us, and I remember the songs, Clair de Lune playing faintly from the upstairs master bedroom mixing with father's humming of We'll meet again, and no one said goodbye. Was it because it was too upsetting? Or because we wanted to believe that we would see each other at the gates of heaven? I'll never know.

I remember the world after the end. My ears rang, my eyes stung, and smoke filled my lungs. Everything was hazy and blurry and after the ringing stopped, I could hear the crackling of flames from a nearby home caught in a blaze, the EAS alarms still blaring in the distance. I should be dead, right? That is what happens after a nuclear weapon detonates. All living things within 6 kilometers of the blast would be deceased.

I was so caught up in my thoughts, wondering how I was alive that I almost missed the sentence "Evan? Where are you?" repeated repeatedly like a chant. It was so soft, and I'd hate to say the voice of an angel but shit, maybe it was. Perhaps I am dead and now I have to wait until the angels of God drag me to heaven.

But it wasn't the voice of an angel, a gasp, followed by a loud shout "Evan!" The voice, my sister's screamed. "Evan!" Her dirt-covered face appeared in my blurred vision. "Evan, oh god please, please tell me you're alive." Her trembling hands wrapped around my shoulders and shook me, with each passing second, getting more and more desperate. Soft sobs and pleas mixed with the noises already filling my head, swirling like someone poured some soup into my skull, stirring it with a giant ladle.

I don't know how I managed to wrap my arms around my trembling sister with my body being so sore or how I managed to speak; my throat was dry and scratchy, and I wanted to rip it out of my skin. "Cat," I croaked, and I mean croaked; I sounded like a toad. "Cat, I..."

Cat quickly pulled away to look at me, her eyes red from smoke and tears. "Evan.." She whispered, " Evan, I can't find Mom or Daddy." Her voice was hoarse and dry, her words coming in and out like a radio tuned between two stations.

My breathing hitched and my heart seemed to freeze. Cat's too young to understand what's happened and what a nuke is. Unfortunately, I did, but if we were alive maybe there had to be a chance they were alive, that they were just as confused, maybe they even had answers."Help me up," I coughed "Hurry."

As she helped me up to my feet, my whole body felt like I had just gotten hit by an eighteen-wheeler, and if I wanted to keep my already fading voice, screaming in pain wasn't an option. I leaned on her as we stumbled around the rubble, trying to find our parents. My head wouldn't stop though, nothing made sense, nothing could be planned for an event like this, and there was no way to survive an event like this! Suppose the blast doesn't immediately kill you, which it should, the radiation would in a few short weeks after being exposed to it, the surrounding land wouldn't be livable, the water would be contaminated, and nuclear ash would be inhaled into your lungs, cementing itself inside.

We stumbled around for a while, looking through the rubble, searching for anything that could have been a part of our parents. Fear only increases by the minute, dread eating at our stomachs. "What if they're dead? No- if we survived, they survived. No! They're dead!" Back and forth in my head, not wanting to give up hope that my parents had survived this too, but not wanting to be disappointed. Lost in my thoughts, trying to think of something, anything, I didn't even realize that Cat had left my side to walk ahead of me, "If the world is over, are we going to..." my thoughts were quickly cut off from completion by Cat's horrified screaming and crying.

"No! No! Mama!" She shrieked, "Mama!" My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my breathing stopped. I wasn't concerned about whatever pain I was in as I stumbled to Cat, only to trip right as I reached her, landing on top of someone's body and I was met with my mother's lifeless eyes, her warm skin, and forever despaired expression with burns covering half of her gorgeous face.

Time seemed to stop at that moment, everything surrounding me faded away and the noises no longer echoed through my ears. "Mama?" I asked softly, my voice cracking. "Mama, get up." Seeing her like that made my mind run blank, it didn't feel real at that moment; like I was watching a movie in slow motion. "Mom! Mom! Wake up!" I screamed, "Mami!"
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