A Tourist in Mayberry

5/8) Hero: Nana Gail

Even our heroes make mistakes. That's what makes us love them.

Jonah Turner, Radio Preacher

My Nana Gail made some mistakes in her life, but not for one minute do I want you to think that she didn't try. She had a hard life and it made her tough, and proud and prone to cling to stubbornness, which as you know already is a trait I get honest.

My Nana has many funny stories about her life and some sad stories too. She is a storyteller full of anecdotes and lessons on life and living. This is my favorite Nana Gail story. You decide if it is funny or sad.

When my mom was a toddler, Nana Gail left her first husband and moved to the next bigger city and got herself a job as a secretary working for the Royal Typewriter Company. A perfect job for her since she could type an astounding 120 words a minute. Nana Gail was not making a lot of money, but she was living what she thought was a glamorous, new single life. She made enough to take Candi and her sisters to the drive-in movies once a month where they could play on the swing set in front of the big screen. In those days you could turn your kids loose at the drive-in-theater and not worry some child molester was gonna take them. Nana Gail and her girls were living the good life. Candi and the sisters got a Burger King, home of the whopper, hat and a junior whopper every other Friday when her mom got paid.

One Saturday morning, after Burger King Friday, and after an early morning hair appointment where Nana splurged on a hairdo with big, fat curls and a can of hairspray to hold the curls in place, Nana heard Candi, who was playing outside, crying. She went to the screen door and saw the two neighbor boys, bigger and meaner than Candi, astride her tricycle while Candi sat in the driveway crying. These boys tormented Candi and the sisters in their own yard. Usually the sisters were there to take up for Candi, but today they were gone to a friend's house.

Nana Gail told the boys, "If y'all can't play nice, go on home."

They went on home. and Nana Gail put Candi down for a nap.

Knock, knock on the screen door. My Nana went to the front door and there was a man and woman standing there. They were the mom and dad of little boy bullies.

The woman asked, "Did you tell my boys your girl was too good to play with them?"

My Nana said, "No I did not, but I did tell them if they could not play nice to go home. They make Candi cry all the time."

The woman put her hand on her hip, looked Nana up and down from her shoes to the top of her lovely new hairdo and said, "You sure are a mighty fine feeling, uppity bitch."

"Thank you, " said Nana Gail without hesitation. "Coming from a bastard like you, that's a compliment."

The mom of the boys and their role model for behavior smacked Nana Gail so hard she said her head spun around and she saw stars, actual stars, just like in the cartoons.

Nana pushed the woman off the porch and fell off the porch on top of her.

Nana Gail was straddling her when the man came from behind, grabbed two fistfuls of her stiff, hair sprayed curls, and started tugging. Nana said this was what made her the maddest. She paid good money for that hairdo.

Nana grabbed a hoe handle laying in the yard and hit the man and knocked him out. The woman ran home. Nana Gail went inside to try to salvage her hairdo.

Nana Gail went to court. The judge listened to the story and let her off, but not without admonishing her and saying, "You should not have lowered yourself to their standards."

That was my Nana Gail. Even the judge knew somewhere inside, deep inside, was a lady.

Author's Note: Dedicated to my mother who lived this story.