I'm not even sure what i want to write about you, all i know is my fingers itch to tell the world about how you make me feel. You make my world brighter, it used to feel very grey and flat, but you've gently taken my hand by the fingers and guided me towards the blinds i thought i'd never manage to open again. You've torn them down, and now i know there is a world outside of my bedroom, outside of my teeny tiny little patch of trampled on dirt. You make me so afraid, i have no idea who to be around you, i forget who i am. I forget myself, in a good way i think. I want to brush your hair, for hours. I want to run my fingers along your scalp and learn every bump and follicle by heart. I want to kiss your face, kiss your scars, kiss your wonky nose and brush my fingertips against your eyelashes. I want to wipe food from the corner of your mouth as we laugh about something we watched as kids, i want to learn all of your secrets. I want to go dancing with you, and melt into your arms. You make me feel contained, safe, chained down in the most freeing way i could ever express. I want to wash your back, exfoliate all the areas you cannot reach with enough pressure. I want to help you shave the backs of your legs, and massage the knots from your shoulders after working two shifts. I want to take care of you. I want to do your eyeliner, and take it off again before bed. I want to give you the nicer pillow, the side of the bed you prefer, keep the window closed if you'd like it. I want to watch you laugh so hard you pee. I want to hold your hand while your world falls apart, should that ever happen. I want to be part of your safety, solidified as part of your team. I want to be close with you. I want to share your breath, inhale your words, smell how you're feeling. I want to taste your grief as i taste my own. I want to grieve with you. I want to throw you into the air in celebration, i want to be carried in your arms like something precious and good. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you everywhere. I want to get the pimples on your back and decorate you with the cutest plasters i can find. I want to rest my head on your tummy and feel you laugh. I want to curl up in your protection when i have a migraine. I want to help you with your T-shots, and help you stay clean post-op. I want to love everywhere you think unworthy. I want to make you feel good. I want to paint your nails for you. I want to hang your clothes next to mine in a wardrobe i don't even have yet. I want to line our big stompey boots up together by our front door. I want to ask you questions through a mouthful of toothpaste. I want to push and support you at the same time, i want to watch you grow into a person before you forget who you are. I want to remind you, every day, just how much i love you. I want to be yours. I want to belong. I want to be whatever you need of me, a friend, a lover, a partner, a wife, a husband, a mother, a dog. My heart belongs to yours, it is yours to do with whatever you wish, i beg that you try to keep it safe, but i don't think i even need to ask. I love you. I love you. Iche liebe dich. I love you. I adore you. I am yours. I belong to you. You have unravelled me. You have bundled me up. You have cut me wide open and poured sunlight into the wound. You are every scar and every freckle, every hair and every clicking joint. I want to watch you grow old, right next to me. I want to keep you. I want you to keep me. I've never been loved the way you love me. I've never been seen the way you see me. I don't understand what i ever did to deserve this, but if i ever find out, i'll never stop. You are my favourite hobby, my worst habit. I love you.
