Nashville nurse Tura Lee always went where the music took her. She loved all music, but musical theater topped her list. She felt stagnant and complacent in her life, until a winning lottery ticket changed everything. Learn how the stars aligned to...
I stood up and grabbed the satin ties of my robe like a lifeline, although a noose would've been preferable. I took a gulp of air and willed it to fill my lungs, but instead the tears cut it off at the pass. I sniffed through my nose and wiped my eyes with my fingertips.
I will not let her see me cry. Not now and not ever. She mustn't know.
Nobody needs to know.....
I blew through the house like a category five hurricane, searching for something to funnel my fear into. Screaming seemed pointless. I rifled through the drawers of my kitchen, the ones where I kept odds, ends and objects that had been left at my home and never returned. Somehow, for reasons I neither cared about nor felt the need to dissect, I found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter staring at me through the wreckage of loose goods. I've never smoked a day in my life, but so help me God, in that moment it was the only instance where I'd be forced to focus on my breathing. I knew if I dared to look in the mirror I'd see a two headed monster feigning for blood so I turned immediately to my refrigerator door and grabbed sweetened condensed milk to pour in a steaming hot cup of coffee.
I was 1969 Denmark Judy Garland singing "Somewhere over the rainbow". I was Hester Prynne with an unsightly A scrawled across my chest.
I was overreacting.
I took a long slow drag. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but somehow I was able to hold it in long enough to feel the carcinogenic cloud building up in my lungs. I slowly released and fixated my eyes on a tiny portrait of Saint Jude on my kitchen wall. I flicked my thumb up and down over the gas station lighter as The Patron Saint of Lost Causes looked my way lovingly.
"Forgiveness..." he sang to the melody of the last lines of It's Quiet Uptown.
"I might be too far gone for that, my brother in Christ." I snarled.
"Pray.." I heard, or at least convinced myself to hear in my desperation.
I can do hard things. I can fake a smile. I can talk small and talk shop. I can talk music and chemistry and medicine and law. I'm well versed. Bring it on, V.
I laid on the counter, cigarette now extinguished in my coffee cup. I laid my head on my outstretched arm and spun my phone around, face up, willing it to ring. I needed proof that I was alive. When the ringtone blared I shot to attention like a bull out of the chute.
Lin.
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For a city of millions word sure gets around quickly. I made tiger claws out of my hands and shook them as I looked down, willing it to stop ringing after a few brief seconds. That was just enough time for him to change his mind, for someone to walk in, or to assume I wouldn't answer.
None of these things occurred because the ring continued.
Finally, I held my breath and pushed the red button.
