I am Fiachra

Discovery.

They said they ''always knew'', my parents. That it was obvious from a young age that I was ''different'', that there was something wrong. They weren't being negative, in fact they're fully supportive (fortunately) but something about those words just doesn't appeal to me.

 I first found out about the transgender spectrum when my sister, let's call her Mary, came crying into my room one night while I was online - scrolling through endless pixelated pictures and clips that I 'reblogged' to my desire. I was confused because she had just came home from a day in the city with her boyfriend, why was she upset? She sat down and spoke to me, " You know Kyle? '' I'd nod, wondering where on earth was she going with this. Of course I knew who your boyfriend was. I'd be concerned if I didn't know. ''Well, he's not completely Kyle.''

 I remember the feeling of confusion working out in my mind, trying to work out what she was hinting at. Now that I think back on her words, I don't like what she said. Saying a transgender individual isn't ''completely'' their desired and felt gender is very degrading. If someone said to me, ''You're not completely female'' an act of sheer upset and hurt but always lame comebacks would pursue. Knowing me, I'd probably insult their hair or their eyebrows. Anyway, back to the important stuff. 

I slept on it that night. I googled it, I researched it. I didn't fully know the meaning of 'transgender'. I wish I had. For all those years I classified myself as a butch lesbian tomboy stereotype and it still didn't feel right. When I finally learned a few points and took a look at the basics of gender identity that night, it was like a whole new world opened up for me. It felt amazing, like a major relief.  And I wonder if they'll ever add 'gender identity' to health courses in school. It would save a lot of stress. Kids wouldn't feel so confused, so 'broken'.

Same with sexuality. In fact, they should just tell every kid to make a tumblr and to follow factual blogs who constantly argue and discuss about gender rights and identities - it really works, I'm still finding out more about myself today. 

I must say, I am glad that I found out more. I am glad that this feeling of discomfort and upset when I look at my body is normal. That I'd prefer if I could stay quiet for the rest of my life because of my high-pitched voice does not mean I'm 'broken' or that there's something wrong with me. I'm transgender and that's okay, but it's going to take me a while to find out more about myself.

And it's a 'hella' bumpy journey.