district nine ☆ skz ninth member

~ the survival show ~

• part 1/2 •

i hold my breath as jyp calls my name. "y/n, please step forward." i was praying it wasn't my turn to be eliminated. i knew that i messed up. i just hoped i would somehow make it through this time. i nervously stepped forward, my hands shaking. "you have proven yourself to be very skilled in several areas." i nodded and gulped as he paused before the next sentence. "however, you are lacking in others. you made a mistake." i nodded, choking back tears. he continued, "your pronunciation is not where it should be. your korean still sounds a bit awkward." i silently nodded, tears forming. "you also need to work on your confidence on stage. i could tell you weren't at your best. because of this, your position in the second verse was incorrect. your left arm was supposed to be lifted, but you did not lift it." i slowly raised my microphone to my face and quietly answered, "yes. i was nervous." he glanced down at his notes and was silent for about ten seconds. he finally sighed, "i'm sorry, y/n. you will not be able to continue." a wave of sadness and disappointment rushed through my body. trembling, i bowed to him, "yes. thank you."

i slowly came back up. i felt tears rolling down my cheeks. i looked up at the ceiling as i tried to wipe them away. i gave up and covered my face with my hands, crying. my entire body was shaking. i felt hopeless, like everything that i worked towards was all for naught. the other trainees were also devastated. we had been training together for the longest time, and now it was over. the room was full of sniffling and crying sounds. chan came over and gave me a hug. he told me, "it's going to be okay, y/n. you tried your best and that's what matters." hearing this only made me cry harder. i ended up crying into his shoulder saying, "i'm so sorry. i feel sorry for everyone. i messed it up." he held me tighter and said, "you don't have to apologize, it's alright." it wasn't alright. i couldn't understand what went wrong. the performance was flawless whenever i practiced it. i had never messed up like this before. i sighed and thought to myself, i have no one to blame but me. i was too careless.

i honestly didn't know what else to say. i saw everyone crying and i attempted to smile. "thank you, everyone. i learned a lot from this experience and from each of you." i spoke to each trainee individually. i smiled as much as i could, trying not to break down again. i made promises with each person. i promised to be happy, to keep in touch with everyone, to take care of myself, and to never forget how special i am. it broke my heart to see them cry. it was too painful to leave them. i couldn't take it anymore, and i bursted into tears. again, i covered my face with my hands. everyone immediately came over to me for a group hug. i was comforted by the warmth and the geniune love we had for each other. it was finally time to leave them. i stepped back to look at my best friends. trying my best to force a smile onto my face, i shakily told them, "i'm really going to miss all of you so much."

i tried to support everyone after i was eliminated. i always watched them in the crowd, cheering them on. i prayed that no one else would be eliminated. i got nervous every time someone was criticized. i was happy when jyp had nice things to say. i was so excited for everyone to debut together. without me.

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