Miserable Man

There have always been two types of love; the one that you would kill for, and the one you would die for.
Still, you, my dear, were the type of love I wanted to live for, yet you didn't want me to. You killed me. Killed me beautifully, tore my heart into pieces in the most delicate way, and made me say goodbye between whispers and shallow promises.

When you first arrived, you captivated me in a way I have never thought someone was capable of.

It was quite funny. At first, you wanted to get the hell out of the island, I wanted to stay. To me, it was more important to stay with you.

To build something with you, be with you.

But I see now, you wanted to roam and see the world. You hated the man in the white suit and I just wanted to understand his plans. What was so bad about enjoying the island? I didn't have anything to go back to, so it didn't matter.

And I didn't have anything to live for after Bobby was gone.

You talked nonstop about your aversion toward him, and how you would do anything to get out of there and protect the children.

I admired you for that.

But then, you changed your mind dramatically. And I thought I had something to do with that, how nonsensical I was.
You wanted to stay, you now trusted the Federation and the man. I thought you were losing your mind, but I learned to support you in any way I could, in every way you needed it. I would give you my heart and soul.

I was there for you.

Now, I see.

I'm a miserable man. I wanted to pack our stuff and run away. We could have been all we wanted in a small town. My life was tough, even more after Bobby died, but you made my day whatever I wanted.

Oh, how I wanted to give you my last name. All I ever wanted was a place we could call it home.

Suddenly, after weeks without any contact, without knowing if you were even alive and well, you showed up in our home, acting differently.

Talking nonsense and screaming at me. You were scaring me. Your eyes had lost the spark they once had when you looked at me. Now I know, it's Stockholm that you were stuck on. How high was your pedestal, after all?

Perhaps you were falling out of love, or maybe you never loved me at all. I believe that's why it was so easy to do what you did.

Maybe it was time to say goodbye.

What about the promises you made? What about the things you said you would do for me? For us? Was it all just another plan to make the Federation believe you?

I don't know, perhaps there are times when you need to give up on people, not because you don't care but because they don't. It was tragic to say, but as long as I cared something would always hurt.

I never thought you were capable of doing something like that. I never thought I would lose you.

The smell of coffee is always a reminder that you're gone. I smelled it on your breath every time you'd tell me about your day. Now you're gone, out of reach.

It's said and done, and I can't sleep.

Now you're gone, gone from me.

It's so dark right now, and I can't see. I lost your light that guided me. I never liked coffee but now I drink, so I can feel you close to me.