6 Years, 5 months, & 4 days

Part 1 - Me and my lover

⚠️⚠️ ~DISCLAIMER ~⚠️⚠️
I am a beginner writer that was feeling angst enough to write something depressing ( I am aware 'feeling angst' is not the right term but
don't worry, I am self aware.)  Be aware that this story may be a grammatical error itself, and I will be open to criticism (please don't be too mean ;; ) this story will have a lot of errors and mistakes that I will try to fix as much as possible, but for now it's just up to auto correct to fix the absolutely horrible grammar that may or may not be fixed :/
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⚠️⚠️This story contains⚠️⚠️— one big cry fest, self harm, suicidal tendencies, description of gore, a scream for help honestly, bullying, graphic depiction of body dysmorphia, also- oh you're still here? Or maybe not, whatever that's all you need to know for now if I ever get a viewer that is.

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Chapter 1
POV Kim Jong-dae (정대)
(Reading)

Dear Kim Jong-dae

I know we were never lovers, and you never had any romantic feelings for me. But I considered you someone very dear to me. It hurt to love you, if this is what you call Love, I knew I would never be able to be held in your arms or be able to have a real relationship with you, and do all that sappy shit, but it really hurt me to know that you hate me for that. I understand, you can't handle being friends or even near a homo. I don't know how you feel, do you even hate me? I can't ever tell what you're thinking about me, it makes me think I'm just too sad and pathetic to understand what you feel for me.
If you ever see this or in other words find my body, I hope you are the first to find it. I plan on killing myself today I will be hanging myself after I slit my wrists. I'm sorry  it came to this, even though I don't know what you feel about me, I am certain that I love you.
— Charles Heins (P.s I know we always talked about it before, but who knew love hurt this much)

"What?" Kim Jong-dae, is the name of a
fortunate man with everything a normal person has, family, friends, and steady income, he however came across an unfortunate man that fell in love with him. The unfortunate man Charles Heins became infatuated with Kim Jong-dae, Charles hated the fact that no matter what Jong-dae did to him, he still loved him. He thought of it as a curse that came with his unfortunate life, he hated his own existence for everything he's been through. Jong-dae came to Charles's tiny studio apartment with the hopes to finally accept Charles love for him, to only discover Charles suicide attempt. He was passed out on the floor with bleeding cuts on the front side of his wrists 'shit, they look deep', he thought to himself, he fell to his knees checking for a pulse, it was nowhere to be found. Dae's eyes teared up as the smeared blood from Charles wrists flow and sink into the beige carpet creating a crimson color. With shaky hands and teary eyes he reached in his pocket and pulled his phone out, he quickly dialed 911. The line ringed and a operator started speaking " 911, what's your emergency", said the unfazed operator, shaking voice Dae answered, " P-please help my friend, I-I found him unconscious, and b-bleeding", he was quivering, at this point he was sobbing, snot ran down his nose and tears fell on Charles's lifeless face, Dae picked Charles's head from the floor and began to hug him, the operator asked "explain to me what happened, I'm sending an emergency vehicle over", he responded " I- I went over to his house and saw a- a rope dismantled from the ceiling, I don't feel a p-pulse.. I'm scared what if he's dead" , his shaking hand grabbed Charles tightly as he thought 'No, no, no, no stop, is this a nightmare?' . His head mangled with thoughts of 'why?' And 'how could you', he was completely clueless as to why his best friend would do this the operator said in a hurry, " sir, I need you to compose yourself and tell me the state your friend is in", hurried Dae told them what he did and what the scene looked like " He tied a rope as a n-noose and- hung himself.. he hung himself and cut- cut his wrist... why? What's wrong with him?!", Dae had a deep feeling in his stomach and felt chocked up, he sobbed. " But- but I love you.. you can't- you can't leave me! NO PLEASE..", he was bent over with his arms tightly around Charles body and rested his head down, the blank empty apartment was filled with the cries of Dae. He didn't care if his pants were soaked with blood, all he cared was about Charles, although Dae wasn't always like this. Charles and he grew up together from middle school to present, they were the closest they could be, until Charles proclaimed his love after 6 years, 5 months, and 4 days exactly. Charles did this their last year of middle school the day before Christmas break started, Dae was disgusted, Charles didn't know if this was love or hatred, Dae used Charles in every way he could, Charles thought they both had the same feelings as they started having 'intimate' relations, Charles thought that this was love even though it hurt he endured the pain hoping for Dae's love . Dae grew up in a wealthy family, he had a good father and good mother, as well as a older sister. He had plenty of friends, he was loved. Charles grew up in a broken household, the only thing he knew was the feeling of his father's cold hand hit him. His father had severe angry issues, his mother neglected him, he had to fend for himself from a early age. Charles's parents died in an unexpected car accident, Charles was left alone. He moved to a larger city and was founded by an orphanage, it was run by nuns and priests. He went to school knowing nothing, it was a cycle he was not used to, but he enjoyed it. It was the only normality he had in life. He didn't know the priests very well, but one of the priest acted like he knew him, as the priest got closer the more he did Charles knew his intentions, it happened one night when Charles least expected it, he was young and didn't know much, but he knew what the priest intended, he couldn't stop it as it kept happening, he found a way to let go of all the pain, he cut himself near the wrist and upper thighs, he thought if his body was filled with cuts maybe that would stop the priest, eventually he ran away from the orphanage as well, he continued to slit his wrist as a way to get his mind off of being miserable, or maybe it made it worse, he couldn't tell. Through all the misery he met Dae, he became the only thing he was living for. After he confessed, his mental health only got worse, cutting wasn't enough. Between the constant beatings, and 'intimate' relations, he couldn't tell if Dae loved him, or hated him. He hated how clueless he was about this stuff. Leading up to current events Dae was clueless to how he felt and only had one objective, to make Charles miserable.